This is what emerges from a survey carried out by Evidence Networkon a sample of over 3 thousand Italian mothers and fathers: for over 50% of those interviewed, raising a child today is more difficult than it used to be. The causes? Inequality in parental leave, lack of services and loneliness
In the last 10-15 years there has been no party leader or Prime Minister who has not spoken of Italy’s demographic decline in increasingly darker and apocalyptic tones. Yet, despite the alarms, the proclamations and the billions of euros spent on baby bonuses, nursery bonuses, birth bonuses and universal allowances (each government has its own recipe and each recipe a different name), every year Istat erases the negative record of births of the previous year, setting a new one.
Reversing a negative trend that has continued inexorably since 1993 is not easy. Thinking of succeeding by continuing to distribute small monetary bonuses, renamed from time to time with a different name, is illusory to say the least. If successive governments had consulted parents and aspiring parents they would have discovered a universe of needs, some known for some time, others less so, and they would have been able to spend better
We have proposed to our community a survey that has precisely this objective: to map the obstacles, needs and aspirations of parents, giving equal dignity to both the costs of parenting and its emotional, relational and social component. The response from Evidence Networkreaders was broad and full of ideas: over 3 thousand people involved, most of them women (90%) with one child (58%) or two (35%) aged between 1 and 6 years (66%).
A question of money?
For 53% of those interviewed, raising a child is more difficult today than it used to be. The fact that a large part of the funds to support parenting has been spent, over the years, in direct economic contributions rather than to improve services or to address the now long-standing issue of parental leave, could suggest that this greater perceived difficulty derives mainly from the expenses necessary to raise a child.
Yet the data says otherwise: only 12.6% believe it is essential to receive more money from the State and just 8.4% would indicate reducing the costs of children as the priority problem to be addressed. An even more significant result if we consider that Italy is the only country in the OECD area in which, over the last 30 years, real wages have decreased instead of increasing.
Life of a tightrope walker
The changes called for by parents, and by those who would like to become a parent, focus above all on three needs:
- greater work flexibility, indicated as a priority by 41% of those interviewed;
- fairer and more consistent leaves, requested by 21% of the sample;
- the availability of childcare services, starting with nurseries, considered essential by 19.4%.
The absence of these three conditions has a dual effect: on the one hand it complicates family “logistics”, compressing – almost to the point of canceling it – the daily space for personal care and the physical and emotional presence that the family needs. On the other hand, it discourages couples who would like to have a child but cannot imagine it in a life swallowed up by work, often far from their places of origin.
The consequences of daily balancing acts are varied and shared: 54% of the interviewees feel a mental and organizational load that is difficult to sustain; 41% are unable to carve out a space to dedicate to themselves; 39% have difficulty reconciling work and family, 23% suffer from the lack of support services and family support.
To read this data correctly, it must be remembered that the questionnaire sent by Evidence Networkwas mostly answered by women (9 out of 10). The composition of the sample may have influenced the results, leading them to reflect the well-known gender disparities in managing the physical and mental burden of care.
From the same questionnaire, signals also emerge that are worth grasping and examining further: the same sample in fact believes that fathers are much (71%) or a little (25%) more involved in the daily care of their children. The persistence of gender imbalances is therefore accompanied by a greater demand for male participation, which companies and institutions refuse to consider and support, relegating fathers to the mere role of workers and economic guarantors of the family. This is demonstrated by the 10 days of parental leave granted to men, considered absolutely insufficient by 85% of the men and women interviewed.
The need to be together
Another obstacle to parenthood clearly emerges from the survey, perhaps the most difficult to face: the sense of loneliness and disorientation, exacerbated by the profound changes that have occurred in society in recent decades. The fragmentation of family networks, the overexposure of children and adolescents to digital, the excess of information, which confuses and contributes to fueling the performative pressure on parents.
In the open answers given by some parents, one perceives the need to face these challenges together, to be part of a “present and educating” society that cares about the growth of children and which – as one parent wrote – “allows us to be the parents and people we would like to be”.
