Some data on violence between partners
The news has now accustomed us (as long as we can get used to it) to the news regarding the interpersonal violence. In particular, in recent years he has finally given dignity to violence against women.
Taking a datum overseas, in the United States, according to epidemiological investigations carried out on a large scale, the percentage of adult women who have undergone physical abuses by the partner oscillates between 20% and 25% (US Department of Justice, 2000). And over 10% of the murders were committed by the companions of the victims (FBI, 2011).
In Italy 31.5% of 16-70 year olds (6 million 788 thousand) underwent some form of physical or sexual violence during their life. 20.2% (4 million 353 thousand) suffered physical violence, 21% (4 million 520 thousand) sexual harassment, 5.4% (1 million 157 thousand) rape (652 thousand) and attempted rape (746 thousand) (Istat, 2014).
Remain in a violent relationship: the reasons
We therefore know the gravity of the situation from these data, but what leads a person to remain with who causes psychological, physical and/or sexual violence to them?
The reasons can be different:
- affective dependence and hope of a change in the partner;
- fear of suffering blackmail and revenge;
- poor awareness or refusal in recognizing the abusive relationship;
- self-cultation;
- fear for the safety of their children or who must undergo assisted violence (that is, being witness of violence between people significant on the emotional level);
- lack of a socio-affective network;
- cheap aspects.
In this article we will consider the first of these points, the Affective dependenceas a decisive factor in persisting in a condition of violence.
Types and subtypes of interpersonal violence
The term violence derives from Latin Violentus, where the Vis root means “strength” and the termination -Ulentus refers to excess.
The World Health Organization (WHO) defined it as follows: “The intentional use of physical strength or of one’s power against oneself, another person or a group, such as to determine (both in terms of probability and in terms of actual outcome) physical injuries, psychological and existential damage, problems in development (in the case of children) and death.”
To speak of violence, the concept of intentionality (of the deed or threat of the act), of strength and excess is therefore fundamental.
Types of violence
Usually, violence is classified in four types:
- physics
- sexual
- psychological (for example humiliation or manipulation)
- deprivation or negligence.
When violence occurs between partners is specifically defined Intimate partner Violence (IPV). It recalls a series of situations united by the exercise of power and by the implementation of abusive behaviors that may involve some or all the subtypes of violence listed above (physical, psychological, sexual or deprivation).
It is a form of violence, multifaceted and transversal, which gradually insinuates itself within a couple, where often the Affective dependence It is already present.
Love as dependence: from passionate relationship to violent relationship
Often violence in a couple is observed within a frame in which the love story evolves from passionate relationship to dependence. When violence emerges, the person employed affectively is no longer able to detach himself and undergoes the consequences or, if it is the abuser, continues to perpetrate aggression.
First of all, the transition from a normal relationship to an addiction is just perceptible because the other’s need is also present in passionate love.
It becomes dependence when desire assumes the form of an intense, unstoppable needwhen suffering replaces pleasure and when a person persists in the relationship despite the awareness of the adverse consequences.
External signals (spaces, smells, body shape, situations) associated with the beloved/to evoke powerful memories with respect to the relationship, similar to the drug-associated effect in substances dependence.
The passage …
With the transition from normal passion to emotional dependence, the life previously characterized by satisfaction and color, now it seems empty, gray, unattractive and interesting. There is anedonia and loss of interests: Relationships with tight friends become meaningless, taking care of boring children, doing static sports, walks useless.
Furthermore, some lovers can instigate “psychological absence” to increase addiction, alternating a close closeness to escape, kindness and caresses with cruelty and absence.
To justify this destructive relationship, affective employees tend to underestimate the costs of the relationshipas happens in the abuse of substances, where the consequences of their use are well known, but it becomes impossible to resist you.
Affective dependence and violence: the protagonists
The abusant dependent
First of all, the research helps us to dispel the myth according to which in violent relationships only women are dependent and remain in a violent relationship. High Sections of dependence They are present in men who abuse partner (Bornstein, 2006).
In fact, according to the latter author, high levels of emotional dependence in a partner increase the probability that this person will physically abuse the other within the relationship.
THE fears of insecurity and abandonment dependent people can bring them to the abuse when they believe that their partners will refuse them (Dutton, 1995).
Although high levels of emotional dependence are theoretically connected to the risk of perpetuation of abuse both in women and in men, in practice (as can be seen from the crime news) we see how men are far to perpetuate abuse.
Why this difference? An explanation can be given by the different coping strategies that men and women use in front of challenges or threats, such as separation, abandonment and/or loss of control.
In fact, men tend to show outsourcing strategies, such as the anger expressed towards objects and people. This abusiveness partially reflects the employee’s inability to manage the emotional upheaval due to insecurity and partly a strategy to control and intimidate the other, to prevent those person for an end to the relationship (Murphy et al., 1994).
While women are more prone to internalization strategies, such as insulation, emotional closure, becoming depressed or taking parasuicidal behaviors (self -elevation gestures, use of alcohol and drugs).
The dependent victim
Research tells us that women with high levels of emotional dependence They are more at risk of abuse (and to its tolerance) and are less likely to end the abusive relationship. When economic dependence come into play, the lack of social support and poor awareness these probability increase.
Numerous studies have shown that emotionally dependent people have the following characteristics:
- They fear abandonment and refusal (Mongrain, Vettese, Shuster, & Kendal, 1998) and wish to be loved by those who do not reciprocate. This desire grows in proportion to refusal.
- They show high levels of jealousy and possessiveness in relationships (Bush, Bush, & Jennings, 1988), with a constant state of tension. Insecurity is associated with the continuous concern where the attachment figure is found, to trust little of this person, to feel anger and resentment towards him;
- Difficulty in managing negative emotions (Casillas & Clark, 2002);
- cancellation of individual needs and desires to establish a symbiotic relationship;
- absence of feelings of love and difficulty in detaching themselves.
What to do
As we have seen, there are numerous factors involved in a violent relationship, so much so that often abused women (but now also abusing men), they are taken over in residential or semi-residential structures (especially if there are children involved), who can deal with the situation from a psychological, economic and social point of view. In these more serious and complex cases, the social services and the minors court.
In any case, whether it is a community or outpatient therapeutic path, the separation process within an abusive relationship is gradual, in particular when there are Aspects of emotional dependence.
When it is possible to carry out outpatient therapy, it is essential for the clinician to understand what the level of danger for the victim’s safety is. This will lead to the decisions of which forces to put in place. Considering that the protection of minors is priority.
Individual therapy
An individual therapy that accompanies the separation from the abusive/abused person implies planning the intervention on the basis of a hypothesis of the functioning of the patient (for example what aspects of self are threatened by the end of the relationship, which dysfunctional patterns lead to addiction) and which factors can interfere with the treatment. Among the latter, the elements to be taken into consideration are:
- the symptoms, including the evaluation of gravity and personological functioning; In particular, aspects of emotional dependence in borderline, narcissistic and personality employee disorder are identifiable.
- The subjective experience of the patient: Somatic thoughts, emotions and sensations source of subjective suffering or misunderstanding;
- interpersonal relationships;
- economic difficulties;
- the presence of minors.
All this must be carried out within one solid (but not dependent) therapeutic relationshipaspect even more important in a situation of abuse, in which the therapist can become the only non -judgmental external figure and unconditional support.
Parallel to individual therapy, where possible, it would be useful to insert a group intervention using psychoeducation techniques, role-play and developing the relationship skills useful for safeguarding one’s well-being.
Bibliography
- Bornstein, MH (2006). Parenting Science and Practice. In Ka Renninger, & ie Sigel (Eds.), Handbook of Child Psychology: Vol 4. Child Psychology in Practice (6th ed., Pp. 893-949). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley.
- Bush, C., R., Bush, Jp, Jennings, J. (1988). Effects of Jealousy Threts on Relationship Perceptions and Emotions. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
- Casillas, A., & Clark, La (2002). Dependency, Impulsivey, and Self-Harm: Traits Hypothesized to Underlie the Association Bethaeen Cluster B Personality and Substance Use Dissors. Journal of Personality Disorders, 16 (5), 424–436.
- Dutton, D., g. (1995). Intimate Abusiveness. Clinical Psychology and Science Practice.
- Mongrain, M., Vettese, L., C., Shuster, V., & Kendal, n. (1998). Perceptual Biases, Affects, and Behavior in the Relationships of Dependents and Self-Critics. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 75 (1): 230-41.
- Murphy, C., M., Meyer, S., L., & O’Lary, K., D. (1994). Dependency Characteristics of partner Assautive Men. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 103 (4), 729–735.
- FBI Preliminary Semiannual Uniformo Crime Report, Janogery-June, 2011.
- US Department of Justice, National Institute of Justice, August 2000 (NCJ 183644).
- https://www.istat.it/it/vio-donenza-donne/il-fenomeno/violezia-dentro-e-famiglia/numero-delle-vittime-e-di-violenza
