The ASSERTIVE training It normally consists of 8-12 sessions of about two hours each (preferably in a group, max 10/12 participants but it is also possible on an individual level) and includes a theoretical part and many practical parts.
In the first (called psychoeducation), the general principles of use, the aspects that normally promote non-assserting behavior (anassencer), the different types of verbal and non-verbal communication, etc. are illustrated.
In the second, practical exercises, role-playing (role-playing games), modeling exercises and exposure are carried out, to help the person get involved, to apply practically what he learned and generalize it in any context.
It is right to remember that the Asssertiveness training It does not only have clinical applications, but can also be applied in different organizational contexts and in professional working groups: it is, in fact, a practice suitable for anyone who wants to learn to be with others in an increasingly adequate, positive and effective way.
It can prove to be an interesting, pleasant and even fun formative experience, dispelling the negative prejudice which, often, sees psychotherapeutic practices only as difficult, painful, boring, “heavy”.
Of course, you cannot claim to become assertive From today: you gradually change, over time and with the practice; When the new way of behaving will begin to seem spontaneously to the subject, this will feel safer and more satisfied than itself.
Even the people around they may need some time to adapt to change: if, for example, previously they complained of too much aggression, perhaps they will be pleasantly surprised, while if they were used to a certain submissiveness, some may not like the new communication style.
All this, we must reiterate it, must absolutely not interfere with the motivation or with the success of the ASSERTIVE training!
Become assertive It is undoubtedly very useful, therefore, to make the decision to change and have the right push, you can resort to the analysis of the advantages/disadvantages, asking questions, like: “What do I earn if I continue not to be assertive? And what, instead, I lose? For me it is more important to be always approved and not contradict the others, rather than being independent and sincere? I prefer to avoid conflicts or be able to express my opinions? Or take my decisions freely?
In addition, it is always good to keep in mind the decalogue of “personal rights”, valid for anyone, who can be repeated to themselves to motivate and reiterate the importance ofassertiveness:
- I have the right to be the judge of what I do or think
- I have the right not to provide explanations or excuses for my behavior.
- I have the right not to take responsibility for solving the problems of others
- I have the right to change your mind
- I have the right to make mistakes
I have the right to say: “I don’t know”
- I have the right to decide for myself
- I have the right to say: “I don’t understand”
- I have the right to say: “I don’t care”
- I have the right to say: “No” without feeling guilty.
Let’s see, now, more specifically the various components concerning the assertive communication; Communicative skills can be divided into:
1) minutes:
- ability to grasp the appropriate time (timing)
- essentiality of Eloquium and brevity
- information effectiveness
- language properties
- smoothness
- rhythm and emphasis
- Active listening
- Knowing how to ask closed/open questions
- provide “free information”
- self -opening
- Knowing/receiving criticism
- knowing how to apologize
- Knowing how to use the pronoun “I”
- Knowing how to refuse/say “no”
- Use of paraphrase/reflections
- Use of indications/prescriptions
- Management of silence;
2) Non-verbal:
- gesticulation
- posture
- face and mimic
- eye contact
- tone, volume and fluency of the voice
- interpersonal space
- self -care (e.g. way of dressing).
The true components in assertive communication They should reflect spontaneity of expression, reveal their feelings and take responsibility for it. The final destination is to express itself in an honest and respectful way.
For example, the closed questions, which is answered only with a “yes” or with a “no”, are intended to end the conversation soon, are useful at the beginning of a speech, then it is necessary to follow open questions (what, how, where, because) to create relationship, ask for news, demonstrate and arouse interest.
Give and receive “free information” is used to grasp the clues provided by the interlocutor, understand what is important and interesting for him and pay him attention, in order not to make the conversation an interview, so as to proceed more fluidly.
The self -opening is useful to communicate one’s way of thinking, in an unobtrusive way, to give information on our life, our interests, without monopolizing communication with the desire to put themselves “on display”, makes the dialogue more engaging.
Making/refuse requests is essential to express and make known yourself, you have to be able to accept a refusal, not to think that asking is not polite, nor imagine that others should understand what we want without expressing it in words.
Those who cannot put these behaviors into practice often makes mistakes, they can be sick when things do not go as expected, cannot express their needs or put a limit to their availability.
Non-verbal componentsInstead, they have the function of expressing the moods and emotions associated with communication.
The information from this channel offer us important signs with two main functions: the discrimination of intentions, moods and interpersonal attitudes, and the understanding of the social state and the role of our interlocutor.
For example, the one who knows how to maintain good eye contact shows an open and sure person of what he is saying, and is an effective way of declaring his sincerity and intentionality.
The expression of the face must agree on the message that is transmitted, so that this is effective and credible, while through the facial mimicry the emotions we are feeling are transmitted.
Even the movements of the hands and other parts of the body have a great communicative value, in fact they describe, emphasize or accompany the speech, although an excessive gesture can sometimes be the cause of distraction.
An erect, open, relaxed, not rigid or “bent” posture is ideal, shows that we are at ease and the body, in fact, reflects this predisposition of mind.
The management of space is also indispensable, that is, establishing and maintaining a right interpersonal distance, nor too “on”, neither too distant (in our culture the optimal distance is one meter, minor in the case of confidential relationships).
The tone and volume of the voice are used to communicate our mood, our intentions, our emotions, with a voice that should be clear, relaxed, friendly, well calibrated. A way of speaking in medium and well -modulated tone is convincing without intimidating. Physical contact can be useful to establish and maintain a sense of intimacy and solidarity, but can generate anxiety in certain situations or with some people.
