To each of us will have happened at least once in the life of not succeeding, during a work interview or during a conversation with friends, to assert their rights enough, to adequately express their ideas and points of view or to question the authoritarian ways of the interlocutor, with the result of feeling angry and frustrated.
All this happens because we have not been able to use one adequately assertive communication style.
But what is theassertiveness? Term that more and more frequently feels pronounces’? Assertiveness It derives from the Latin “Assèrere” which means asserting, doing proper. In general, being assertive means knowing yourself, enhancing yourself, expressing yourself, taking action to achieve what you want and deemed appropriate for yourself.
All this, however, in compliance with its interlocutors, guaranteeing the autonomy and specific identity of the individual parties, protecting the balance of the relationship for a real and functional exchange and functional exchange for achieving the objectives that in that relationship and in that specific situation has been proposed.
For assertive behavior We mean a social behavior that consists in the honest expression of one’s opinions, of one’s needs, desires and moods in an adequate way to the situation in which we find ourselves, without embarrassment or guilt.
The assertive person acts to achieve what he wants and who considers it appropriate for himself, however respecting at the same time the rights (and not necessarily the desires) of others; It is not left to inhibit by anxieties, fears or embarrassment in relationships with other people and retains a good opinion of oneself even if it is not possible to achieve the goal that she had originally thought of achieving.
Necessary and sufficient conditions for a assertive behavior They are: – awareness of one’s own and other rights and availability and willingness to act in respect of both; – recognize and consider worthy of attention and respect both one’s own and other needs, opinions and moods; – Trust in one’s own and other ability to make a positive contribution to the relationship.
Implement a assertive behavior generates in the person satisfaction, strengthens self -esteem, improves the quality of the relationship. This, in fact, becomes more fluid because it is set on a criterion of parity and mutual transparency, and as such more constructive.
Both parties involved in the report, learn to appreciate and enhance the positive characteristics that distinguish them, to define their limits and potential in a realistic and not distorted way and enter into a full and constructive way.
There assertive He has and maintains a good opinion of himself, he is willing to take responsibility for the consequences of his behavior, the exploration and realization of his own potential.
More and more often in clinical practice we meet people who manifest the desire to change and want to become more assertive, “capable of saying no”, after years of passive resignation.
THE’assertiveness It is a skill that is gradually learned, with continuous training. Cognitive behavioral psychotherapy, for its specific characteristics that define it as centered on the here and now, oriented towards the purpose and collaborative, turns out to be an election approach to this problem.
Training atassertiveness It can be done through an assertive training that aims to make the person acquire, making use of lectures, group works, simulated and homework, a greater awareness both from a theoretical and practical point of view, of one’s relational style and therefore to start a change towards better management of social relationships.
