THE’adolescence It is an evolutionary phase of transition from childhood to adult age, fundamental for the development of identity.
Characterized by significant physical, emotional and psychological changes, it welcomes movements of discovery of self and exploration of the world which are typically associated with experiences of uncertainty and instability.
The current health emergency implies a Physical, social and cultural context which makes it even more complex to face this delicate evolutionary moment. This greater complexity concerns both the experience of teenagers and the experience of those who must take care of teenagers.
The consequences of the pandemic
The upheaval of life habits, social distancing, the sense of uncertainty and precariousness, individual hyper-responsibility or, on the contrary, experiences of de-responsibility are some of the elements that can hinder the possibility (and necessity!) To experience and explore typical of this evolutionary phase.
There distance teaching It can hinder the possibility of receiving adequate limits and guidance due to the “physical” absence of the teacher, or the authoritative adult of reference that has the task of monitoring, regular and orienting “in presence”.
In addition, distance teaching can be associated with experiences of solitude and inadequacy Relating to the study, with concerns relating to not being able to be “in step” of the companions as before, not to be quite prepared, to the feeling of not being able to adapt as well as the others do (or appear to do).
Certain sensations can lead to experiment Difficulty attention and concentrationdesire for abandonment, decrease in commitment and school performance. Or, on the contrary, to implement hyper-control behaviors such as “hyper-bream”, only apparently less harmful.
Furthermore, outside school, limitations in the possibility of carrying out sports activities or meeting friends limit i socialization processes And they deprive the brain of the teenager with precious stimuli which, typically, tends to bore more easily than what happens in other evolutionary phases. In addition to implying that children experience less tiredness, with possible repercussions, for example, on the sleep-wake rhythm.
These elements are a source of Difficulty for most teenagers. However, for some, in particular if vulnerable or already fragile, they can give rise to extremely problematic and persistent consequences over time.
Be a parent of a teenager these days
Similarly, if be a parent of a teenager Typically it is not a simple role to fulfill, in this phase it is probably even more complex.
There are many parents who ask themselves about what are the best ways to use and how to move to respond, in the most functional way possible, to the emerging needs in relationships with their own children.
Although it is not possible to draw up a omnic -comprehensive list of these modalities, and above all that it is adequate for everyone, we try below to describe some salient elements.
Support and protect children
Certainly, of primary importance is the fact of being able to understand and emotionally support their children and protect them.
In this sense it becomes precious welcome their fears and fears. Although, sometimes, these may appear excessive or redundant. It is crucial normalizing the emotions they feel and explain to them that they can experience very different and contrasting emotions and that this is completely natural.
It may be useful to explain that it is normal to feel anxiety and fear in many situations, that experimenting with them is not dangerous and that it does not mean being sick, or having a disturbance.
On the contrary. It is part of our normal experience of human beings and which is also useful and important as, for example, it can lead us to adopt protective behaviors for our health such as wearing the mask or maintaining the physical distance from others.
It may also be precious to explain to them that ours perception of reality It can change a lot when we experience intense emotions. Intense levels of anxiety, for example, increase our perception of risk.
The message below is that, however unpleasant, certain emotional experiences are completely normal and not dangerous. And that, normally, they will pass.
It could be useful to help your child identify what he feels (for example, I feel frightened), make sense of what he feels and normalize this experience (for example, it is normal to be afraid if there are two quarantine classes at school) and encourage him to try to let go and “scroll” certain emotional experiences, in the awareness that it is not necessary to eliminate them or necessarily do something to drive them out.
Sometimes, perhaps starting from your experience, it may be useful to propose some methods of managing adequate emotionsthat the son himself can experience.
Or, again, to propose or explore together activities aimed at distraction or relaxation, in the awareness that each person can find his personal ways.
It can also be precious to suggest to the boys to speak and share their fears and worries with us, with a friend or other reference adults.
Don’t be invasive and keep the right distance
Presence, support and protection, but at the right distance: surely the parent has the task of protecting his son, monitoring him, reassuring him, supporting him.
However, these tasks cannot perform in the same way and with the same closeness and physical presence that were acted when they were smaller.
For parents, it becomes so important to learn to tolerate borders It is a sufficient distance that can allow the son to feel sufficiently free.
Having to spend more time at home necessarily limits certain movements of exploration and autonomy, which typically in this evolutionary phase are acted outside the home.
As far as possible, it therefore becomes important to be able to guarantee their children with private exploration spacesrespecting their boundaries both in terms of time and physical space.
Thus, precious becomes the limit of a closed door which, in order to be opened, requires the authorization of the boy himself. However complex, ideally the message to be transmitted is to be there, keeping and respecting their boundaries.
Train their sense of responsibility
Although the space for understanding, support and respect for distance is important, at the same time it is necessary to correct solicitation of the sense of responsibility of the adolescent.
This can translate into setting relevant requests, as a task to deal with at home.
It is important to solicit the sense of responsibility of the boys also in reference to the behavior to be kept outside the home, in order to promote the adoption of “healthy” behaviors.
In relation to this, it may be useful to keep in mind that excessive exposure to alarming information often leads to distortions that include the overeximate of the dangers and the underestimation of our possibility to face them.
Thus, it becomes important Increase the sense of personal self -efficacy of their children, for example by discussing together with what is concretely possible (and in its power) to make in order to reduce the risk.
Limits
It is important that the parent remains an authoritative figure capable of to impose rules and limits even if they do not agree on the desire of childrenalbeit act for the ultimate goal of their well -being.
The ideal is that these rules, limits and boundaries are clearly explained. Both in reference to the sense of their existence (for example, at this time it turns out the light because it is important that you can rest adequately for your growth), both in relation to the consequences that these limits will not be respected (for example, if this does not happen tomorrow you will not play at the PlayStation).
The change of life habits makes it important to be able to maintain a certain routine And, in the case of teenagers, this necessarily implies the parent’s commitment to enforce it.
The rules can be renegotiated and it can be useful to experience the bargaining of some of them together, perhaps taking on precise mutual tasks, as in a sort of contract.
Finally, to promote adherence to the rules, it is useful to keep in mind the importance of positive reinforcement, recognizing the commitment of the child and rewarding it when behavior respects respectful of the same.
Organize games and activities shared in the family
Even in the family it becomes important to cultivate spaces in which to devote themselves to activities that allow Create a space to be together, share, play and explorebeyond the Coronavirus.
Looking at a TV series together, in addition to the moment of sharing the vision itself, can also offer common discussion stimuli at other times of the day. Dedicating to the preparation of a dinner with multiple courses, starting from the discussion and bargaining for the choice of a menu that is negotiated and approved by all family members.
The activities are potentially infinite and can depend on the interests of the family members, but also on the desire to discover together and experiment in new activities that no one had dedicated before.
Be a functional model
An important element to keep in mind is that The observation of parents’ behavior is a source of learning crucial for the boys.
Generally this channel is more powerful than the information that is transmitted to them verbally.
Thus, for example, if it is important to explain to children that it is normal to experience emotions such as anxiety, and that there is nothing strange or dangerous in this experience, it will be even more important, that the attitudes and behaviors that parents act in relation to experimenting and handling anxiety and concerns are consistent with what is verbally expressed, not showing them overwhelmed, talking about it, sharing the reason why you could try it and how to try it.
Bibliography
- Fegert, JM, Vitiello, B., Plener, Pl & Clemens, V. (2020). Challenges and Burden of the Coronavirus 2019 (Covid-19) Pandemic for Child and Adolescent Mental Health: A Narrative Review to Highlight Clinical and Research Needs in The Acute Phase and the Long Return to Normalty. Child and teencent Psychiatry and Mental Health, 14, 20.
- Golberstein, E., Wen, H, & Miller, BF (2020). Coronavirus Disease 2019 (Covid-19) and Mental Health for Children and Adolescents, Jama Pediatrics, 174 (9), 819-820.
- Oosterhoff, B., Palmer, Ca, Wilson, J., & Shook, N. (2020). Adolescents’ Motivations to Engage in Social Distancing During The Covid-19 Pandemic: Associations with Mental and Social Health. Journal of Teenascent Health 67 (2), 179-185.
- Singh, S., Roy, D., Sinha, K., Parveen, S., Sharma, G., Joshi, G. (2020). Impact of Covid-19 and Lockdown on Mental Health of Children and Adolescents: A Narrative Review With Recommendations. Psychiatry Research, 293.
