“Dissatisfaction is the first step in man’s progress.”
Oscar Wilde
Normally, thedissatisfaction It is a signal that indicates that something is wrong, that they are following incorrect directions or that is involved in a relationship that does not make it feel good. In any case, in a sense, he warns us that we must change something, in order to achieve a state of greater satisfaction and well -being. From this point of view, thedissatisfaction It is not negative, on the contrary, it encourages us to change and improve aspects of us or the situations that surround us. In practice, it pushes us to transform our resources to redirect our steps in a constructive sense.
However, when thedissatisfaction It assumes the characteristics of chronicity, becomes dysfunctional and negative for well -being; It happens when it immerses us in a state of permanent displeasure and prevents us from focusing and fully living the present, because we are not satisfied with what we are, we do not fully accept our identity and situations that, in various capacities, we live daily.
THE’chronic dissatisfaction It involves a split between an ideal “I” and the person you are or perceived to be and it is clear how, if you cannot make these two images coincide, you cannot reach full satisfaction. People suffering from a sense of chronic dissatisfaction In most cases they struggle to find the origin of their dissatisfaction, but report a more or less constant state in their life that leads them to be demotivated, bored and generally of Bad mood. It is, therefore, a sort of deeply rooted “mal de living”, even if difficult to define, but equally difficult to overcome, which at times can also become disabling.
This sense of chronic dissatisfaction It usually has distant origins, which refer to the first relational experiences, where the images of oneself, of others and of the surrounding world are formed. To understand, and therefore manage, this dissatisfaction must therefore be investigated these first experiences, trying to understand what are the beliefs about themselves and on the others that these people have been able to create and that still influence them today, in their present, making them always feel tendentially dissatisfied.
If we try to read the main characteristics of thechronic dissatisfaction In a more complete perspective, these can be revealed the symptom of pathological personality paintings (often of narcissistic type) or anxious and/or depressive syndromes; In particular, the signs that can make us connect certain symptoms to certain psychopathological paintings are as follows:
- Disappointment and frustration: thedissatisfaction It can be the engine that mobilizes the energies motivating us to go towards the realization of goals and desires that once achieved make us feel satisfied with ourselves, happy to have managed to give us a small or great realization of us. A chronic dissatisfied, however, rarely reaches the threshold of satisfaction and also the possible achievement of a goal is often experienced with feelings of disappointment or frustration.
- Tendency to perfectionism: which pushes to do more and better every day, in an attempt to achieve utopian satisfaction which, however, is hardly perceived and which, in any case, involves a series of costs in emotional and practical terms, which do not still make it possible to enjoy the result achieved. In these cases, even the simple organization or realization of trivial projects can be a source of stress and performance anxiety.
- Hypersensitivity to bankruptcy: who suffers from chronic dissatisfaction It is difficult to tolerate any failure experience, even the most common, especially if he has done everything to be able to achieve a certain result. When a goal is not achieved, or is not reached as hoped, the sense of guilt, Of responsibility and frustration The only possible emotional reactions seem to be; At cognitive level, however, the rumination It is confirmed to be the most used mental strategy, whose central nucleus rolled in the head as: “I should have done things differently! “. The failure, rather than revealing an opportunity to draw a positive lesson for the future, tends to precipitate the dissatisfied in a negative emotional cascade from which it will have difficulty coming out, due to the maintenance of a real vicious circle.
- Tendency to the lamentiness: The dissatisfied never misses an opportunity to complain, alone and with others. He is almost never satisfied, even when he gets what he wants, and he never misses an opportunity to make him point out in a complaint. For these people, it will never be a good time to do something and they will never get the right answer. This is because he who suffers from chronic dissatisfaction It tends to think continuously that it would like things to be different, better, more functional, made better, etc., thus taking refuge in the inflated concept of the “Nothing is never good!”
- The obsessive nature of thechronic dissatisfaction: in some cases, it is the very feeling of dissatisfaction that assumes the characteristics of a real obsession; This happens when most of the thoughts, emotions and consequent behaviors of the person turn relentlessly and without utility around this central concept, so as to allow him to take much more space than it would be appropriate.
- Excess of self -criticism: the chronic dissatisfied is focused on the success, otherwise, harsh criticisms and any punishments are self -refuge. The aptitude to criticize is markedly associated with unusual and this could also be attributable to an education centered on the attribute greater importance to errors (focus on a sense of duty, responsibility, attention to performance, social approval, personal value, etc.) rather than gratification and individual progress.
- Absence of verbalized expectations: more or less all we have the tendency to wait for others to meet our needs. The central problem of the chronic settled is double since, if on the one hand its expectations prove objectively high (excessive standards), on the other the probability that they are satisfied is drastically reduced by the fact that they are not communicated in any way to the other, with the belief that it should be the other to have to know them and understand them. Who suffers from sense of chronic dissatisfaction Send, from their point of view, a series of signals but without really providing the other to perceive them and respond to you adequately (difficulties in communication in the relationship, affective dissatisfaction, etc.).
- Utopian happiness: “It would have been better if …”It is the mantra of the chronic essential. Spurred on by the imperative need to have more and more and better and better, the dissatisfied is found in the almost impossibility of being fully happy. Something, inside, always pushes him to continue his incessant research of something else that has not yet obtained and who feels he deserves: the work of dreams, the perfect sentimental relationship, etc. The difficulty is inherent in not being able to think that there is already a “here and now”, which could be a source of happiness for him, thus remaining in the sense of chronic dissatisfaction.
- The unreachable goal: for chronic dissatisfied, the goal to be achieved sometimes exceeds the skills of which it has thus creating a waste between the dream and reality. It may also happen that the goal that wants to achieve is blurred, unclear or defined and that its achievement requires the use of all individual resources; Despite this, the final result almost never corresponds to full satisfaction, with all the frustrations that follow.
- The messages of others: while who has chronic dissatisfaction He is convinced that he never do enough, the people around him could send him completely different messages, such as: for example: “Do you do too much! Enjoy this moment, don’t you see how we are okay?!”These feedback, especially if repeated with constancy and insistence, can be perceived as criticisms that denote a poor understanding by the other; They rarely seem to be of help, since chronic dissatisfied does not have the ability to take the necessary distances to try to read one’s behavior under a different and healthier perspective.
It is not obvious that people suffering from chronic dissatisfaction They come to the attention of specialists with the clear awareness of what and how they work, mostly they complain of depressed mood, tiredness, fatigue, poor understanding by others and frustration in relationships. The main task of the clinician, once other causes is excluded, is precisely to grasp what can be behind these general symptoms and accompany the person on a path that takes into consideration the personological aspects and specific characteristics.
