Have you ever felt distant from the partner even under the sheets?
This is a question that could be found to answer and not without some doubts.
Many people avoid dealing with this theme for shame, guilt or fear of hurting the other. Yet, the “Don’t want to make love with the partner“It’s a condition much more common than you think. When sexual communication is stopped, you enter a real “sexual silence“.
This article aims to understand, normalize and face this experience, exploring its possible causes, its consequences and roads that can be traveled to find lost intimacy. We will try to understand how men and women are reacting to the drop in libido, both from a physiological and psychological and emotional point of view.
What is sexual silence and how it manifests itself in the relationship
The sexual silence It occurs when, inside the couple, We no longer talk about sex and love is no longer made.
It can be a conscious, shared and serene choice, but more often it represents a symptom of emotional or relational discomfort.
It manifests itself with prolonged silences, recurrent excuses, avoidance of physical contact or moments of tension.
In these cases, it is legitimate to ask: you can Being together without making love? The answer depends on the meaning that each couple attributes to sexuality, that is, how much importance and in what dimension the couple invests in sexual intimacy.
Because the desire to make love is lost: possible causes of the decline in desire
The drop in libido can cross limited periods due for example to Forte physical and/or mental stress which deeply affect sexuality. Sometimes it is so tired that the sexual act is perceived as a physical load rather than a pleasure or even a way to recharge.
Other situations can instead affect thesex inhibitionsuch as negative trauma and sexual experiences. Bringing into unresolved traumatic dynamics can rekindle the fear of physical contact.
Other times, however, the non -desire is generated by routinefrom‘flattening the relationship which is no longer fueled and stimulated with news.
Lack of female desire: organic and psychological causes
The sexual desire in women it is clearly regulated by hormones And some phases of female sexual life are distorted by “hormonal storms” that generate a change. There menopause It is one of these moments of fragility, a change that involves the female psyche not only from a physiological but also psychological point of view. The Fall of estrogen unfortunately favors the drop in desire And physical change requires the woman a period of adaptation and acceptance.
The use of contraceptive pill It can affect the drop in libido as it changes the estro-progestinal exchange and this can induce a lack of desire.
Another crucial moment in the female psyche is that of pregnancy. The woman is affectively involved in the role of mother and Nurator and often late to find her femininity. Often the care of the child leaves little room for the sexual harmony of the couple and the new mother is too tired to dedicate space to intimacy precisely because it is absorbed by a mother-child fusion relationship.
Finally there are the purely clinical aspects that can hide an underlying psychopathology.
From the distorted vision of one’s body to not implicating in any report for a personality disorder, the Psychological causes They can be manifold and should be investigated with a mental health expert.
Lack of desire to make love in man: organic and psychological causes
There lack of male libido It can also depend on organic and/or psychological causes.
Just think of hormonal dysfunctions where the Fall of testosterone naturally inhibits sexual desire, to “mechanical” problems such as varicocele Which can lead to premature ejaculation by destabilizing the couple relationship and the desire to make love for fear of concluding quickly.
Man could feed very high performances of performance, have performance anxiety and these aspects can influence the desire to make love.
Finally, man also crosses natural phases of hormonal change, as in the andropause period.
The consequences of sexual absence in the couple
Not having sexual relations can have different effects on men and women. For some women, prolonged abstinence can affect self -esteem, on the sense of attractiveness and emotional connection. Many wonder: how much can a woman be in abstinence? There is no unique answer: each body is different, each relationship is different.
In general, the lack of intimacy can generate frustration, emotional isolation and a progressive drop in self -esteem. Sexual silence risks feeding further misunderstandings, increasing the distance in the couple. Often one of the partners can suspect a betrayal, the end of the feeling of love, or activate other unconscious fantasies that risk undermining the trust of the bond if not faced.
Can you be together without making love?
Yes, but only when this choice is shared and not lived as a renunciation.
In some relationships, asexuality is a natural condition and lived serenely. In other cases, the drop in desire can be a passing phase linked to life events (birth of a child, working stress) or the signal of a deeper break.
THE’intimacyeven in the absence of sex, remains one fundamental dimension: caresses, looks and complicity keep the bond alive. In some moments of the couple’s life cycle, old personal injuries could reopen unresolved personal wounds, previously reworked trauma that lead to a departure from the partner. It is important to keep the dialogue In order to face personal crises together and find support and support in the other.
How to deal with sexual silence and rekindle desire
Keeping the flame of desire in couple life lit is not always easy, especially if the relationship has a long time duration. Small daily gestures are often useful, such as the creation of Sharing spaces with the partner.
There communication In the report it is the first step, as expressing one’s emotions and needs promotes an unrealized exchange. It is also important to preserve small gestures As kisses, caresses and hugs in the simplicity of the gesture itself and without sexual expectations.
Therapeutic paths such as individual psychotherapy, couple therapy or sexological advice can offer valid support. In some cases, hormonal supports (under medical supervision) can be a help, especially in menopause.
The drop in desire in menopause and and andropause is physiological and normal: learning to listen to one’s needs and rediscover a new intimacy is possible.
Conclusion
Sexuality is a living, changing dimension, and there are no standards to be achieved. If you find yourself living a moment of sexual silence, you don’t have to blame yourself as it can be the beginning of a new path of awareness.
Dating with curiosity and delicacy the difficulties can reopen the doors to desire. When needed, do not hesitate to ask for help: individual or couple therapy can offer precious tools to find intimacy and connection. For example, contacting a psychologist with experience in sentimental relationships could help you recover understanding and closeness in the relationship.
