The needs of the child are the priority, but with some precaution we can make them coexist with those of adults, without neglecting personal care, couple life and social relationships
Alice’s parents feel “imperfect” because they cannot serenely manage family outings. They tell that, since the girl was born, their social relationships have in fact canceled, and are concentrated only on the needs of the little girl, or they are too tired to be able to go out in the evening. “I started sleeping again for more than two hours in a row only after Alice turned 18 months,” says the mother. «In the early days friends often invited us to go out. “Take her too,” they said. Then, in front of our continuous waste, the phone stopped ringing ».
Now Alice is 2 years old, she is a cheerful and curious girl, she sleeps seven hours in a row per night and the management of family routines seems to be simpler. The parents found some energy and the desire to spend time alone, in pairs and with friends. The first attempts, however, did not go for the best: «Now Alice is not stopping for a moment! If we take it out, it touches everything, runs around, is a whims if it doesn’t get what she wants. We know that it should not be done, but the only way we have to make it be good is to give it the tablet with games and cartoons. Only in this way, every now and then, we can finish a dinner at the restaurant. What can we do?! ».
Those who … is better to do so
If we tried to publish on the net, for example in a post on a social network, the question of Alice’s parents, unfortunately, would be created different “factions” of thought and many discussions, which would open the way to easy generalizations or judgments on the various solutions chosen by the parents. “You have to bring children everywhere and teach them from an early age to adapt to any situation,” someone would support, while, according to the opinion of others, it is more right to resort to the support of grandparents or a babysitter. And again: those who are indignant because according to them “children are not made if you have to abandon them!”; Those who mapping the premises at the table Kids Friendly of their area; Those who come out only with other families with children, and so on.
Listen to everyone’s needs
It is essential that the needs of all members of the family unit, from the smallest to the largest, are listened to and respected. But this does not mean having to “satisfy” every single desire for everyone.
At the center, of course, the needs of the newborn must be put, which cannot independently satisfy your needs and therefore requires parental care: sleep, nutrition, contact are some priorities to keep in mind with respect to the choice of the social activities that it is designed.
If the baby is a few months old, we will certainly not take him to the stadium or the shopping center with us; Instead, we will try to make him breathe healthy air and to respect his routine, but without exaggerating with the protection instinct: go out (even with the cold!), walk, travel, organize a lunch with friends are activities without contraindications, if experienced with pleasure.
Organize adequate situations
As the child grows, his needs and his ability to adapt to different situations change and become more difficult to recognize. An example is the need for movement: if it is certainly possible to educate a 2-3 year old boy to keep a little patience at the table during a dinner between adults, it is not as correct to ask him to stay still and good without “disturbing” for hours.
Most of the so -called whims of the child (screams, crying, agitation) are, in reality, his response to situations inadequate for him.
That of “placare” and keeping children at bay by putting them in front of digital devices is a very dangerous solution, as it has harmful to their psychophysical health.
Let’s take our space
It is equally important that parents learn to separate from their childrento give space also to the care of their own person, the couple, of relationships with friends, all without the constant presence of children. Attention, therefore, to categorical thoughts of the type “my son is only good with me”. Making him spend time with grandparents, relatives, friends or a trusted babysitter is not traumatizing for his mind at all And on the contrary, it can be an enriching opportunity for new experiences and relationships. In addition, by dedicating time to ourselves, we also give the child a good example for his future and we teach him to respect the activities of all family members.
Different places and situations
Also knowing how to distinguish the different contexts can be of help. Most of the activities, places, experiences and social situations that present themselves in everyday life can live “all together” in absolute serenity, just with some more care for the little ones. In some cases, however, when we think that the place or situation are not suitable for children’s needs, it is appropriate to seek other solutions, without forcing their adaptation skills or demanding behavior that cannot belong to them by age and maturation. Let us always remember that, wherever we are, children must be able to be children.
Let’s get ready to go out
How can you make the individual and different needs coexist within a family? Often a little educational “common sense” is enough, that is to evaluate what the most suitable choice can be according to circumstances, child for child, parent for parent, family for family. A good organization is the key to success; So here are some useful precautions even in the case of numerous families, for which, sometimes, leaving the house seems an insurmountable undertaking:
- Keep a bag ready at the entrance with the necessary for the gearbox, sleep and hygiene of children
- Try “slender” supports to bring children (for example bands and marsupis instead of strollers)
- Prepare, perhaps involving the children themselves, of the games/activities (a book, an album of the drawings, of the construction) with which to play according to the place chosen for the exit
