Just like the other fears, the fear of darkness is also part of that kit of equipment that the human being is endowed in order to live his life fullly. But how to help boys and girls to face it?
There fear of darkness It is one of the most popular in childhood. In this article we will see what its origins are, what actions can be most effective in these situations and what it is possible role of the adult in the accompaniment of those who experience this type of fear in their daily life.
Often, as parents we would like to keep the Fear of the darkness by the Bambini, but perhaps the greatest gift we could make them is rather to try to understand their meaning and value, implementing a set of actions aimed at welcome and not minimize this emotionmaking the boy feel or the child including, protected and encouraged.
What is the fear of darkness in children due to?
Just like the other fears, too the fear of darkness It is part of that kit of equipment that the human being is endowed in order to live his life full. Like any innate mechanism that belongs to us, therefore, the fear of darkness also has one its usefulness and value of it.
From the point of view evolutionary The causes of the fear of darkness are traced in being functional to monitoring threats. During night sleep, in fact, there is no possibility of escaping, defending or going to the counterattack. This predators know it very well, so much so that many of them hunt mainly with the favor of darkness. For the men’s puppy who, unlike many animals, needs to protected And cared for a long time before becoming autonomous, ensuring the proximity of an adult therefore means guaranteeing a greater probability of survival.
It is no coincidence that the fear of darkness often fades at the very moment when the child recovers the physical and emotional proximity of someone able to make him feel protected compared to the possible dangers that darkness could conceal. What in fact is asked by children to adults in most cases in fact The darkness is not eliminatedbut remain accessible, companybeing next to being reassuring with respect to the absence of dangers that the dark environment could hide.
This theme is very close to that of the skills that make it possible that children can experience the fear of darkness. Absent in the very first part of life, this fear enters the everyday children only when the brain is quite developed for understand the separation mechanism and to perform imaginative processes, or approximately starting from two years of life.
Because children are afraid of darkness? We could tell us that it has a lot to do with the wealth of skills that children are gradually developing. In other words: until the children have well understood what detachment on the other entails and as long as there is only what is seen and there is no what is not seen, the fear of the dark cannot be generally present.
When, however, children have the opportunity to realize the fact of being separated from the adult and therefore alone in facing potential dangerous situations and have the possibility of imagine What could be present in the darkness albeit not visible, here is the fear of the darkness becomes possible.
When does the fear of darkness pass to children?
The fear of the darkness It characterizes the childish age and is an experience that typically face and surpass all boys and girls naturally. The age in which the fear of darkness passes However, it is not the same for everyone, Just as it is not definable for everyone a standard compared to how or when the fear of darkness comes to children or how much it can last.
In most cases this fear occurs between two and five yearswhen the cognitive apparatus of children is quite developed to lead them to imagine and prefigure future situations, that is, to pre-occupy, to deal with what it could happen in the more or less immediate future. In the dark we are devoid of all those visual stimuli that characterize our daily lives and without the coordinates that are necessary for us to be able to feel safe.
Not being able to use one of the senses on which we rely on during the day, that is, the view, we find ourselves in the impossibility of having the certainty of what is next to us. In the dark, a curtain can look like a ghost or a closet remembering a big and big ogre.
What is important to remember is that the scope of fear experienced by children in the majority of cases has no deal with the intensity of the dangerous situation as in the idea of feeling alone to face it. The experience of the resolution of the state of fear then becomes an experience of confirmation of the link with the adults who supported it, as well as a possibility of maturing a growing level of acceptance of oneself and self -esteem.
As he learns to be less and less afraid of the darkness The child learns something new on the contexton himself, on the resources he possesses or that his reference adults can offer him. These important learning can take place not only when fear is at its highest level, or in the time preceding sleep, but also during the rest of the day.
A light on on the bedside table and the use of reassuring words and tones during the mass in bed can, in fact, be learning opportunities As much as a chat for breakfast on the fear experienced the night before or the creation during the day game situations that involve the presence of an artificial darkness.
The game of blind fly, the game of shadows or a treasure hunt in the dark to carry on with the use of torches to orient themselves in the space produce the same effect as the light next to the bed before sleeping, that is, to change the perception of ‘effective danger of the situation that is particularly activating for that child or child.
How to deal with the fear of darkness
There are no infallible recipes that help to hunt away the fear of darkness or solutions Ready for use capable of working in all circumstances or environment. Since every child or girl and every family have their own history, their context of belonging, their own rules and habits, it is impossible to think that there is only one universally valid way for face the fear of darkness.
As we have seen, for the appearance and extinction times of this fear, the methods of accompanying children in facing this alarm state can also be very different. The first action that as parents we can do It has to do with the way we talk to the children and the children of their fears.
To say that it is necessary to solve the fear of darkness, for example, is very different from the declaring of want to know that same fear or welcome it. In the first case, fear is considered as an enemy to be fought or to be faded, as an obstacle to overcome, a limit to be eliminated. This image of fear makes us put on our children with a clear posture, that of Allies in a war which must be at any cost won.
The message that we involuntarily send to children is that perhaps that fear should not even hear it, and if they do it it would be better to get a move to keep silent. Change the way of telling fear, stopping to minimize it and diminish itreplacing the war metaphors terms such as listening or knowledge, it does not change anything apparently, but everything changes.
It means returning to children one vision of fear as a natural element Which lives everyone, as an important source of information (compared to us, to our internal resources, to the possibilities of help we have, to the importance we attribute to the tasks that are assigned to us, and so on).
Choosing to use new words is The first action That we can implement, as simple as it is complex, since the words we use in our daily lives are linked to habits now built and consolidated, handed down by generations and often no longer themes. Other actions that we can implement to accompany our children when they experience the fear of darkness are:
- try to structure the more precise routine for falling asleep;
- Avoid brusque passages from a strong brightness situation to a complete darkness, perhaps getting help from a light to be kept close at the time of falling asleep;
- prevent children from viewing video material containing night settings in which frightening or particularly activating events occur;
- Avoid using the darkness in the dialogues as a context in which unstoppable or non -desirable future or non -desirable future could take place (“reorganization otherwise this night the fairy of the games takes away everything you find on the ground”);
- offer our physical presence with a modulation and variation over the time of our proximity, which could gradually decrease;
- read illustrated books on the topic by supporting children in dialogue around their concerns;
- Activate a reflection with respect to the fears that we have faced as parents or that have faced children in the past, bringing to mind the strategies used, strengthening the sense of effectiveness and the skills put in place gradually over time;
- Offer car reassurance tools such as relaxation strategies through positive images, muscle relaxation or concentration on breathing.
