The origin of the fear of the judgment of others
The desire to make a good impression and the fear of being rejected are experiences that unite all of us. They are part of our genetic heritage and have an evolutionary explanation. Human beings, in fact, tend to seek acceptance and appreciation In order not to be refused and removed. This aspect, for our ancestors, would have put their survival at risk. Living in a group was fundamental to help each other in hunting, in the care of offspring and in defense against dangers. Our brain has therefore evolved by identifying the possibility of being removed, expelled or marginalized as a threat.
Furthermore, when growing, you learn that the closeness of the other must be earned, impressing it to be in her mind. These two aspects therefore led the man to guarantee survival by living in the group. Even if today being excluded does not put their lives at risk, it is normal that everyone feels the need and gives great importance tobe accepted by others.
When do we feel afraid of the judgment of others?
The anxiety felt in circumstances in which we are judged by other people (eg, university exam, job interview, first appointment, etc.) is a feeling that we all know and that it is normal to try. In fact, it has been widely demonstrated as a right degree of anxiety, which is neither too high nor too low, we reasons have optimal performance.
Sometimes, however, the fear of the other’s judgment It emerges with high intensity, during the implementation of a performance (public speaking) or during the normal actions of everyday life (enter a shop to shop). Those who suffer from it experiences a sense of oppression, which leads him to live with suffering feared situations or avoiding them completely.
Dysfunctional strategies to avoid the judgment of others
It is possible that, in addition to the progress, there are other dysfunctional strategies used to manage this fear. For example, the use of alcohol, cannabis or anxiolytics produces a reduction in proven anxiety levels. The person feels more comfortable in the situation and able to control it. These substances are used before facing the feared event, to reduce theanticipatory anxiety. But also after the event to manage negative thoughts related to performance and theperformance anxiety. In addition to being harmful to health, once the effect is over, they lead the person to consider themselves unable to act if not thanks to their use.
In addition, there are behaviors that protect against direct judgment. For example, hiding the face in his hands for fear of blush, speaking quickly and as little as possible during a group discussion, give reason to the other to avoid having to say his opinion. They are all counterproductive strategies that seem to help manage the fear of judgmentbut they strengthen, in the long term, the idea of being inadequate in front of others.
Fear of the judgment of others and psychiatric disorders
The fear of the other’s judgment It is a central theme in social anxiety disorder. The person who suffers from it does not only suffer from shyness, but chronically has the feeling that the other will criticize him and judge. He feels constantly observed during performance or normal daily actions. Even in the avoidant personality disorder there is the fear of the other’s judgment, but these people find themselves in difficulty in a wide variety of contexts. The avoidants fear inclusion in the group and experience a sense of extraneousness and exclusion which leads them to avoid any personal involvement.
There fear of the other’s judgment It is transversal to numerous other ailments, even in those in which it seems that the other counts nothing. In the narcissistic personality disorder, for example, the contempt for other people hides a profound sense of inadequacy and the fear of not being appreciated. This is a fundamental aspect for their self -esteem.
Finally, the mere fact of having a psychological or psychiatric problem can be a source of fear of the judgment of others. Mental disease, in fact, unlike the others, is still considered a taboo.
The treatment of fear of judgment
The cognitive behavioral approach is the election approach to work on this problem. Usually, it starts evaluating the origins of this fear and the intensity of discomfort. Then the thoughts underlying the thoughts are aware of fear of the judgment of others And he teachs himself to monitor them. Tools are provided to manage anticipatory anxiety (i.e. the emotional activation that emerges before facing the situation in feared). Then we work with situational anxiety, through a series of techniques aimed at accept the potential judgment of the other. Finally, the patient leads to gradually expose himself to feared social situations. This promotes habitation to anxiety and helps to dectastastraphy what could happen.
A useful treatment to reduce the fear of the other’s judgment It therefore requires gradual exposure to feared situations. Normally, as these situations are faced, you buy confidence in your skills and you get used to the idea of being able to be judged. In fact, a good part of the therapeutic work concerns the possibility of being aware of the fact that the refusal is not so dangerous. It is not a catastrophe and you can accept the possibility of not pleased someone. All this does not represent a threat to our existence, on the contrary, it is important to be aware that Refusal is a normal social event.
Useful advice to reduce the fear of the judgment of others
There are small strategies that, independently, we can implement in order to tolerate and accept the judgment of others:
- Avoidance is the main factor of maintaining this problem. It would therefore be useful to try to expose themselves to feared situations who do not create particular anxiety and observe in a curious and open way what happens. If, for example, we are afraid to ask the bartender to stain the coffee, we could do a small experiment to break our vicious circle. According to anxiety that this gesture provokes us and accept it for what it is, only an emotion.
- When we find ourselves in a situation in which we fear the other judgment we tend to focus on our anxiety, on the negative judgment that we have of us or on how we could react (“I will become red, I will make a fool!”). Here too, starting from a little threatening situation, the advice is of Move the attentive focus to the outside. For example, describing in objectively what is around us, like the sounds we feel, the colors we see, the shape of the objects etc.
- It can also be useful lower emotional activation anticipatory. When we know we have to face a feared situation, we can put in place of the breathing exercises that help us lower the level of anxiety perceived, bringing our emotion back to a manageable level.
- Reading differently the mind of the other can help reduce the fear of the judgment. The aim of the exercise is to get used to the idea and accept the fact that we cannot know the thoughts of others with certainty. It is therefore useful to take some time in a crowded place and ask that tastes can have passers -by in terms of food, what their passions are, where they are going. Already understanding that other people may have tastes, opinions and thoughts other than ours can soften the habit of attributing their mental states to those who surround us.
- Auto-help readings on the topic (see below) are also useful, which act as guidelines for the implementation of the tips above.
When to ask for professional help
When these suggestions do not work and recognize that we are overwhelmed by anxiety, then it is useful to ask for help from a psychotherapist professional. This will be able to explain why the other’s judgment is so important for us and then learn to acquire useful tools to break the vicious circles that maintain it.
Insights
Bibliography
- Marsigli, N., (edited by), (2018). Stop to social anxiety. Strategies to face and manage shyness. Erickson.
- Procacci, M., people, R., Marsigli, N., (2011). Anxiety and social retreat. Evaluation and treatment. Raffaello Cortina publisher.
Material to download
- Download free the first chapter of “Social Anxiety” Stop by Nicola Marsigli
