The violence and the female bullying They grow more and more, despite the fact that you still talk about it too little, becoming similar or almost equal to the typically male behaviors, while in the past there was more difference (aggressive males physically vs more active females on a psychological level, with gossip, derision, exclusion, defamation and criticism).
The only discrepancy that still remains among the sexes is that the female bullying It is more subtle. The Bulla-Capo often remains on the sidelines, does not expose itself directly but makes its Gregarie “friends” act, on which he exerts a silent and more hidden power, making them subjected and subject, in the hope of pleased it and being, in turn, appreciated (or, more concretely, avoiding them to become victims).
They move in a group, the leader gives orders and his followers beat, threaten and humiliate the victim, while someone else films everything with the smartphone, as happened in recent episodes at the Higher Institutes of our country. Often passers -by and/or teachers remain impassive spectators; Then the video is put on the net (a classic of our times and habits of teenagers).
All this, however, in the end, is done for conquer authority On the “pack”, to be feared and respected by everyone, including males (in fact, unlike male bullies, the girls set aside against victims of both sexes) and to succeed it must be particularly fierce and cruel.
The web, as already mentioned, helps in this intent, in the sense that makes the victim’s humiliation practically universal, who begins to live in terror and, paradoxically, he feels increasingly isolated despite his total exposure and visibility (negative), up to sometimes to get to desperate gestures such as suicide, perhaps precisely announced on the net, that is, in the same means that is condemning it.
Undergo the violence of bullying He has atrocious consequences, both for the boys and for the girls: the victim feels he is alone in the world, that everyone has it with her, not only the bulla, and that basically he deserves it: it is his fault if things are like this. In the long run, the victims lose self -esteem, suffer from anxiety and psychosomatic problems or are depressed, develop an aversion to the school and invent a thousand reasons not to go there, even not to leave the house more, and thus avoid further abuses.
Even the bullies, however, pay a very high cost. The studies carried out so far concern the medium and long term consequences only for the male bullies: they tend to take deviant behaviors such as thealcohol abuse or theassumption of substancesat school their performance is lower than that of their peers and risk entering an escalation of violence that could lead them to episodes of vandalism, theft, small crime, up to serious problems with the law.
Often, in fact, they are themselves already problematic and insecure subjects, which require attention to them in the wrong way. As for the possible causes, it has been seen that the female bullyinglike the male one, allows you to increase your prestige among peers, therefore be more popular and have greater power over others, in order to safeguard or improve one’s social position (status).
They are all factors that bind to dominance dynamics within a group, where the roles are organized in a hierarchical way: it is, therefore, a phenomenon of a social nature that serves for the purpose of emerge on the group and control it.
A particular feature of the female bullying It is that the physical appearance takes aim and criticizes a topic very felt by the girls especially in adolescence. They are made fun of for the weight, height or color/type of hair, etc. Because a teenager feels an integral part of the group (essential at their age because they are basic to structure their identity), it is really fundamental that it is physically at ease, and the bullies, very often, focus on theAesthetic aspect of the victimto marginalize it and make it insecure.
Bullying acts, even if sporadic, may have a strong impact on the emotional balance of a girl and another alarming figure emerged from various studies: bullying to the point of the self -esteem of the victims who, the girls who have suffered it, can no longer accept and believe sincere the compliments that are addressed to them, especially those on the physical aspect.
The victims chosen by female bully They can be made back into two main categories: on the one hand the shy girl, the one usually good at school, but a little introverted, who is unable to rebel, on the other the peers considered beautiful which, potentially, could steal the scene from the bulla.
In any case, beyond this categorization, once the weaknesses of the victim has been identified, the torture on duty passes to the action, dragging the group with him.
However, it is essential to dispel some stereotypes that distinguish, for common sense, the female bullying: it is not true that the bullies always belong to low social classes, in reality many cases have as protagonists “well” girls, with educated parents or with a certain social position. Often, the commitments and the intense work activity of mom and dad create gaps in education.
It is not even true that they necessarily have lived trauma or suffered particularly painful experiences between the domestic walls, the bullies are mostly girls with a “normal” family, even if it would be easy to blame aggressiveness to the separation of parents or, worse, to the loss of one of the two.
Another myth to dispel is that they are unique daughters, while they are only in very few cases, not significant at the statistical level. Indeed, often the girls who have known the arrogance of a brother or older sister then seek a revenge outside performing the same actions they had to endure.
They do not even have an aggressive look that distinguishes them and makes them recognize at a glance, a brazen style can correspond to a strong and safe character as it can, however, conceal a profound insecurity. The bullies, however, also hide behind impeccable “Educanda” clothing.
It is not easy to notice these phenomena: one Bullying victim It will probably not talk about it with anyone, sure that things can only worsen.
Most of the time, parents can realize the existence of the problem starting from the observation of some changes in the daughter (without having to wait to see their physical signs after an attack), example: the subject no longer wants to go to school and studies with less results, often has physical disorders such as stomach or headache and uses them as an excuse to not go to school, no longer comes out, nobody comes to find it at home, is not invited to go out, at the parties, etc., we dress in a different way from before, struggles to fall asleep, changes eating habits, shows itself of depressed mood, is irritable, worried.
The first thing to do is, in fact, break the wall of silence on this topic. Considering the difficulty in talking about it, even in family contexts where a good general dialogue applies, it is useless if not counterproductive to ask direct questions that go straight to the point. Better to ask more general questions about what you ask at school, how companions are, etc.
The fundamental thing is that the victim feels supported and listened to, accepted on the emotional level without judgments, for example, that he is not criticized because we are weak or unable to defend herself (she herself already makes these reproaches), just as it is good that she feels understood and helped, given that she is already a victim of exclusion from the peer group, and this must also not happen in the family.
It must be believed and taken seriously, without its discomfort being diminished or liquidated as “normal” episodes between boys; It is necessary to understand if it is able to face the situation alone or if it needs external help (e.g. psychologist) to be “educated” on how to react and manage the problem; Finally, it must be pushed to speak and denounce the facts, both at school (with teachers, principal, etc.) and with the authorities if they are serious cases (e.g. law enforcement, postal police for actions on the web, etc.).
It is interesting to see what the Tips also for parents who, on the other hand, suspect that the bullies are their daughters: first of all, give the good example (often the roots of bullying sink into the education received in the family); It is easy, in fact, that an aggressive attitude develops where it has missed affection at an early age or if relationships at home have always been managed with aggression.
The way parents have managed power at home has a lot of weight. The use of physical punishment, accompanied by the lack of dialogue, leads the children to use the same method to be respected outside.
It is useful check friendships: It is not enough to know the character of their daughter, because companies also affect behavior. Within the group it is known that individual responsibility is reduced: so, in the presence of aggressive girls, even those who usually do not usually become.
Furthermore, not to be too permissive, since those who get everything too ease and blackmail their parents if they do not have what they want, can also set the other relationships on these bases and seek a “victim” among the peers to impose them to do what he aggravates them.
Finally, it is good Do not idealize your daughter: often parents do not want to see reality and, even in the face of teachers’ reports, they believe that the daughter is accused wrongly. Even if the girl does not show aggression in other areas or has excellent votes at school, it is better to immediately pay attention to alarm bells.
It would be appropriate too to incanzele with his aggression: If a child begins to show overwhelming attitudes, it is good to orient her towards activities that allow her to let off steam respecting the rules, such as sports that teach the discipline.
However, from both points of view, both as victims and as bullies, both as children and as parents, a very useful is always very useful psychological help: The support of an expert can give suggestions to face in the most correct way difficult and/or delicate situations, to admit and overcome one’s fears, to improve one’s reactions and behaviors, in order to feel safer and increase self -esteem.
A path of cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy is certainly suitable and recommended in all those cases where the need for a professional who supports us, in times of difficulty, in order to develop and guarantee our well-being and the quality of our life and our family members.
