The autonomy of the child is a path made of moments of awareness in which the support of parents and close people plays a primary role for the acquisition of new skills
The child who dresses independently or eats without getting dirty is, in the eyes of the whole world, a “good child”. The child who asks for explanations and says “I don’t like asparagus”, who does not want to paint but build a tower, is, instead, “a breaking”. But in order for children to grow with critical sense, aware of their thoughts, certain of their tastes, their skills and values, as well as their defects and their limits, it is necessary that they are educated in this sense. Having your own opinion or not agreeing with the thought of your parents is not wrongbut a sign of a good maturation of the person, who should fill mom and dad of pride (as well as school and the teachers).
Learn to manage your ideas
What can be wrong, and which must therefore be addressed and guided, is the way in which to assert your ideas or teach to “protest well”:
- I can’t hit or scream against mom and dad to have mine
- I cannot with my wanting to limit the action of others
- I can’t throw objects and I can’t endanger or hurt myself
The parent has the educational responsibility to draw this border, the field of action of the child who must expand as skills and self -control grow.
A “listened” child, welcomed in his uniqueness and therefore also in the discrepancy and comparison between his will and that of his parents, will more easily learn to express himself calmly and naturallybecause it will be certain that his word will be heard. And even if his opinion does not change the state of affairs, another fundamental aspect of communication between people will learn: the goal is not to be right at all costs, but listen and be heard.
A right age for every competence
Entrusting the management of a four -seasons wardrobe to a 3 -year -old boy is a gamble: he was for him, he could want to go to school wearing the swimsuit in the middle of January, and this, of course, is not possible. The baby, however, may not have the competence or strength to understand and accept this limitation. Because of this It is important to avoid putting it in a situation that we know will not be able to manage independently.
A 3 -year -old boy can choose which clothes to wear but the selection to choose from is up to the adult. The parent can, for example, set up a small wardrobe capable of containing three sweaters, four t -shirts, four pairs of pants, a few pairs of underwear, tank tops and socks, and possibly tights, dresses and skirts.
Projects to conquer the world
A child begins to choose when he is still not aware of knowing how to do it: at the beginning of life he knows when he is hungry, sleep, desire for a hug, to be on the ground, to have changed. And communicates it.
These instincts soon turn into real acts of will: when his hands, around 4-5 months of life, begin to act on the world, he discovers the immense power he holds. The child grows and grows his projects as well as his strategies on how to conquer the surrounding world. Affinates the techniques, learn to govern the unexpected events and reprogram the plans when there is a need. His ability to get to know each other and to head towards the conquest of the world depends very much on how much it has been possible to train, on how many obstacles they stand in and so competence.
The children are born with self -control, curiosity, trust in their abilities, stubbornness, patience and constancy. What adults should do is maintain such quality. As? Let’s try to summarize some suggestions.
Reduce interventions
The intervention of the adult in the life of the child must decrease parallel to the conquest of skills by the little one. The mom will tie her shoes to her baby until he is interested in doing it, then he will do it with him until he knows how to do it alone, then he will not do it anymore; Or he will choose what to feed him until he has built a good food vocabulary to choose from independently.
Propose to choose when it is able
Freedom of choice must not be an obligation, but a right. When a child is tired, he cries, he is very hungry, he feels alone, he got hurt or he is very angry he just needs his primary needs to be satisfied. Asking insistently a child in tears: «Do you want a pampering? Do you want us to get out? Do you want some water? Why do you cry? What do you want?” It is not facilitating, but frustrating, because the child is not in a position to choose and not even to answer. In these cases it needs a strong and reassuring guide, capable of being assertive: “Come, I keep you in the arms”.
The choices have consequences
Choices are assumptions of responsibility; also for children. From the choices you cannot always go back. With young children the possibility of “going back” after a choice should be excluded, in order to consolidate the operation/consequence.
The parent will feel the child’s child to reflect well and to evaluate calmly before choosing. Once the choice has been made, the parent will help him accept the consequences. When the parent is aware that the child cannot predict the consequences of his decisions, he must communicate to him clearly: «If you choose to go out we will wash the doll later, agree? Do you want to go out or stay at home to wash the doll? ».
When you ask a child to do something and he does not want, he shows him what is the consequence of this choice: «Without socks you cannot go out on the balcony, if you put them out, otherwise stay at home. You decide ». At this point it is up to the child to choose whether to continue refusing to wear socks, and therefore to go out, or accept the rule needed to go to the balcony. The parent, consequently, will not have to demand the socks inside the house and will not allow you to go out without.
Don’t ask to decide if you don’t accept the answer
“Are we going to bed?” “No!” “I said: let’s go to bed!”
If the parent asks a question, he should accept all possible answers. If the answer you want is one, you shouldn’t ask a question, but ask a statement: “It is time to go to bed”.
This is very reassuring for the child. Feeling a choice proposed and then not seeing your response welcomed is, however, deeply frustrating and is perceived as an injustice.
