It is a phase in which the baby does not yet know that there is a distinction between himself and the world. But sharing should never be obliged or obtained with reproaches: the baby must be encouraged to share with the example that comes from the adult reference figures
In the educational structures that welcome groups of children, it is not uncommon to observe moments of tension and dispute of a game, or of any object, which at that moment is the center of the attention of children.
Starting from 18 months (of the stages reached so far we speak in this article), in fact, the children cross a phase of growth in which “everything is mine!”, Characterized by a strong sense of possession towards things. For these behaviors, children are often judged as “selfish”: in reality an important cognitive maturation process and personality construction is underway.
The distinction between itself and the world
The scholar Piaget, describing the thought of the child before 7-8 years, defined this as the period of the “childish self-centeredness”: a growth phase in which the child relates to the world solely from his point of view, without being able to perceive the difference between his view and that of others. If we think of the newborn we can easily understand this condition: The baby does not yet know that there is a distinction between himself and the worldand is therefore only concentrated on the excitement of one’s needs. In general, in the first years of life, the child is committed to building his own experience of reality, before he can consider the existence of other perspectives beyond his. We could therefore say that being concentrated on itself is inevitable, positive and functional to its growth.
“Me” and “mine”
Between 18 and 24 months, the child begins little by little to understand the existence of a border between “inside” and “outside”, between himself and the others. A process called “self -identification” starts: the child begins to detach himself from the reference figures, he perceives himself as a being separated from his parents, with his own thought and will. His position with respect to the world, however, remains predominant. The child becomes less “obedient” and pronounces the first “no” who show his need to experiment and affirm his will. More two words that repeats are often “I” and “mine”: he is convinced that the whole world revolves around him and everything belongs to him. All this confirms that the baby is in an important evolutionary phase, in which he begins to understand the concept of the self, the other and the property. “My” is an easy word to pronounce, but with a great evolutionary meaning. The use of this adjective by the child suggests that He is understanding the abstract concept of invisible bond of a person with one thing. The sense of the self is therefore becoming increasingly sophisticated.
The evolution of the concept of “possession”
If it is true that in the behaviors related to “is all mine” we read an important moment of cognitive maturation and structuring of the personality, but let’s not forget that all this happens with a non -linear development path. For example, it takes time so that the concept of “possession” is internalized by the child with a socially shared meaning: at the beginning it is mine if … I saw or took it in my hand first me, if I like it, if I can take it away, etc.
This phase of marked possessiveness, which extends for a few years, sometimes puts educators in difficulty, especially when the child begins to relate to other children and the first contrasts are born on the use of objects. Common experience to the nest is, for example, to see two children come to the hands in contending for a toy, or a child who, at the end of the day, would persisting stubbornly to bring with him a certain object that instead belongs to kindergarten. Also in the 3-4 year old children’s kindergarten they experience these conflicts with peers: they are still very focused on their desires, although they are now able to understand that not everything belongs to them. At this age the greatest difficulty lies in sharing favorite objects, with which the child identifies himself. This does not mean that parents and educators must give up educating the child and improve the management of their needs and desires within social life.
Learn to share
Attending peers within social contexts such as nursery and kindergarten, where the needs of a child often “clash” with those of other peers, represents an important gym to overcome childhood self -centeredness. The moments of tension and dispute of a game are in fact fertile ground to experiment with conflict solutions, manage frustration, learn to “do in turn” and play together. Sometimes the tendency of educators is to intervene as a sort of judge to “resolve” the quarrel: in reality these situations do not require the direct intervention of the adult, unless there is a risk of excessive tension; There are other wider educational actions that educators can design to encourage in children learning empathic abilities, experience communion and community, live and give meaning to the time of waiting and patience.
Clear rules
When he attends the nest, the child is in an age where he is in need of knowing what is right and what is wrong: rather than making paternal incomprehensible on selfishness, It is important to help him distinguish what belongs to who – clearly indicating what is his, what of dad, of all the children of the kindergarten, of the teacher etc. – and the rules of use. In this sense, many structures adopt the rule not to have children bring their own toys from home, inviting them to use the materials made available for everyone in the educational environment. This distinction helps the child, immersed in the possessive phase, to manage with greater serenity the experiences of sharing with peers and small frustrations compared to his immediate desires: the territory is not that of the house and the emotions are more nuanced and governable. On the contrary, asking a 2 -year -old boy to compulsorily share his favorite toy with his teammates, he could only be counterproductive, because he does not respect the moment of growth of the baby. In fact, in fact, children share by imitation or because adults tell him to do it. Only with the growth of age and empathic skills can they also start doing it voluntarily, for example by giving your partner their own game to make it happy or contributing with their own object or material to the structuring of the furnishings or to the activities designed by the school.
The environment that educates
An interesting organization of the school material available to children is that proposed by Maria Montessori, who writes in The mind of the child: «In each class of many children there will be only one specimen of each object: if a child wants something that is already in use to another, he will not be able to have it and, if it is normalized, will wait until the other has finished his work. This is how certain social qualities develop that they are of great importance: the child knows that he must respect the objects that are used by another not because so it has been told, but because this is a reality in front of which he found himself in his social experience. There are many children and one object: the only thing to do is wait ».
The educational action is therefore manifested in the preparation of the environment, in which the objects available are limitedwith the aim of educating the child to the experience of waiting, patience, to develop self -control and respect for the other.
Examplesor
Sharing should never be obliged or obtained with reproaches. The child can be encouraged to share with the example that comes from the adult reference figures. The kindness that the educator will use to ask, give, exchange things with others and with the child himself (for example using “can I?”, “Thanks”, “please”) will be easily imitated.
