There are some questions that parents, educators and teachers particularly fear.
“How are children born?”, “What happens when you die?”, “What is war?”.
Life, death, sexuality, violence and aggression represent delicate themes to deal with. If we add the frequency with which the media speak and spread images relating to these issues, the situation is further complicated.
From February 2022 with the outbreak of the war in Ukraine and, subsequently, starting from October 2023, with the intensification of the conflict in the Gaza Strip, the war has arrogantly invaded our homes with often conflicting news and information. Attony and confused looks are painted on faces that, stopping playing suddenly, ask questions.
Questions and curiosities ask us to ask us various questions, for example how to talk about the death to children and explain to them the concept of war.
The war explained to children: the role of parents
Dealing with complex themes with children is a real pedagogical responsibility And psychological For parents and teachers. Often, as parents, we make the mistake of thinking that children cannot understand. We choose to lie in the illusion of protecting, ending up leaving children alone in facing themes with which they inevitably come into contact.
According to what emerges from an analysis of literature on the theme (Perasso et al., 2025), talking about war to children is important for two main reasons:
- Promote thePeace education (Shapiro, 2002)
- prevent indirect trauma (pine et al., 2005).
Without a doubt, direct exposure to war or terrorist events is strongly related to the possibility of developing a post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). However, even acquiring information and news from the media, from the speeches and reactions of the parents can have traumatic effects, although more moderate (pine et al., 2005) or generating impotence learned in the face of war.
Why is it important to talk about war with children?
Language and thought are closely linked. Talking about a theme means authorizing us to think about it. For this reason it is of fundamental importance to introduce dialogue on the theme of war with children.
Undermine It allows you to “normalize” content from a cognitive, but above all emotional point of view, reducing the traumatic impact of topics that in any case would meet in their growth path.
We live in a system with such a level of interconnection Which is really unlikely to think of being able to protect someone from exposure to a certain topic. Talking about war with children is important to prevent them from accessing the content via media or social networks in solitude and without the possibility of mediation by the adult world.
Tell the war to children: create safe environments to talk about difficult emotions
The war is, unfortunately, part of our history since ancient times. Denying its existence, therefore, risks not being a protective behavior towards the little ones.
Talking about these themes with children is fundamental for several reasons:
- allows recognize, face And regular emotions Like the fear of an event, but also sadness or anger and aggression that can be the basis of belligerent behavior. This perhaps does not help to resolve large -scale conflicts, but can provide useful resources in facing different behaviors with different behaviors and awareness
- according to the attachment theory (Bowlby, 1969) The adult serves as a safe base for the child in the exploration process. Confronting with a caregiver that is afraid of dealing with a topic can transmit insecurity in the deepening of the same by the little one. The theme can become something excessively frightening that you cannot or should not be talked about, as if it were not possible to think about it. How can you face the speech when you talk about it in class or will you see the image on the screen of a TV or a mobile phone?
- Children learn to face any critical aspects through the observation of adult behavior, according to what was expressed by social learning theory by Bandura (1977). For this reason, an adult who denies or is afraid of dealing with certain topics “teaches” to do the same to those who observe
- there moral development theory of Kohlberg (1984) highlights how adults can play a guide role in allowing children to understand the consequences of behaviors and internalize complex concepts
- To talk about complex emotions, first of all it is necessary to create a space of listening, welcome and opening. This operation passes through the willingness to deal firsthand with certain content. If we first deny them, it becomes impossible to allow the other to recognize, live them and express them. Furthermore, complex emotions should not be diminished because of the difficulties of dealing with them. Finding the adequate words at the level of development of children, who are not miniature adults, nor unable to understand, is essential to enhance their experiences. In some cases, we adults take refuge in these justifications to avoid content that could disturb us.
Practical strategies and advice to talk about the war on children
Historical reconstructions and political and economic analyzes are not suitable for all ages.
The idea of war in the minds of children follows precise stages of development.
According to some research (Berti, 2000) i seven -year -old children They would perceive the war as the clash between groups without structures where individual dimensions prevail. Subsequently they would be able to internalize competition For a specific element as the trigger of the war event. In this phase they would not be able to distinguish between different situations, living family or sporting conflicts as a potential war.
Only with the pre -adolescencewhich according to Piaget’s cognitive development theory is the phase in which an abstract and capable thought thought begins to form, more complex explanations that refer to political and economic causes can be welcomed.
It is therefore necessary to ask yourself how the war to the children of primary school or even to the little ones can be explained. A suggestion can come from the past. There Fairy tale on the topic In fact, a constant appears. Since Homer, the era in which culture was transmitted through orality, fairy tales are born to narrate existence. An alternation of violent conflicts and times of peace.
Ancient literature gives us so the Batracomiomachiaor the war of the frogs, also resumed in more recent times by Leopardi. Frogs and ants face each other after the king of swollen frogs caused the death of that of the rubbiciole mice. Only Zeus’ intervention and the arrival of the crabs allows amphibians to save themselves from defeat.
We can also borrow numerous examples from Aesop or Phaedrus, they allow us to find the words to tell the emotions, complexities and suffering of some complex themes such as war. Narrate by inviting the drawing and to the construction of new storiesit can be a great way to make emotions, patterns, anxieties flow and to familiarize yourself with difficult concepts.
For the little ones, a suggestion on the theme can be Even the hens in their small way come together. History of a chicken coop by Laurent Cardon.
For adults, however, it can help War: the words to say it: children, teenagers, ourselves (Vicari et al., 2022).
Educating for peace
Talk about war becomes the first tool of Peace education. By allowing, in fact, to circulate emotions and ghosts relating to aggression, conflicts and violence, offers the possibility of regulating these experiences by educating the resolution of contrasts, tolerance, cooperation, peaceful coexistence of individuals and groups, social harmony.
All this corresponds to the English term Peacebuilding. This is a responsibility that adults cannot give up since it corresponds to the making of a specific commitment to the promotion of human, relational and social growth of the new generations.
In the end they lived happy and happy?
It would be comforting to think that the conclusion par excellence of fairy tales also adapted to the war between Israel and Palestine explained to children. Unfortunately, the complexity of geopolitical scenarios, economic interests, human cruelty, do not always allow us to tell a happy ending.
However, talking about war on the little ones is fundamental for:
- favor theexpression of complex emotions
- do not leave them alone in the face of content to which they would risk being indirectly exposed through the media
- promote a culture based on respectenhancement of differences, ability to recognize, face and resolve the conflict through non -aggressive strategies.
- Educating future generations to a different social harmony.
Parents and teachers can promote this attempt to change, supported by mental health professionals and qualified personnel in child psychology.
