Parents and teachers must learn to overcome the respective fears and to collaborate effectively in the education of children
Today families confront each other with the world of school already in early years of the child’s life And it is therefore important that teachers and parents They manage to collaborate in a peaceful and effective way to a common educational project.
When a parent enrolls his child at school he performs an act of great symbolic value, that of entrusting the teacher the task of supporting him in theSon’s education. On the other side, the teacher invested with this role expects to be recognized as a point of reference for families and to have a peaceful relationship with them based on the sharing of the child’s training course. It is important that at the basis of this mutual exchange there is a clear and functioning communication, but often this is difficult, tiring and problematic. In most cases, problems derive from misunderstandings related to anxieties and fears that parents feel towards teachers, and vice versa.
The fears of the parents
Working at the psychological listening desk in various school facilities I have the opportunity to compare myself with the difficulties of the parents. Very often what they ask me indirectly is to find a way to communicate with teachers. One of the most common beliefs is that expressing disagreement or perplexity On what has been established by teachers, he may have negative effects on their relationship with the child.
“We parents have to be silent even if we are not convinced of what the teacher does, because otherwise it will be discounted to our children!”. This type of affirmation – which clearly expresses the fear of claims – leads to Avoid comparison between adultswho will remain on their uncomfortable positions without finding a common point. The consequence of an absent communication, however, unfortunately not only this.
“My son is not interested in what I say, he listens only to what the teacher says”, or again, “But who is believed to be that teacher, maybe he feels better than me?”. When a parent warns theimpossibility of collaborating with the teacher and therefore to share educational values and content, the fear that arises is to lose the main position of the reference point for the child. It follows that the teacher becomes more an enemy from which to stay away that someone can be trusted.
Sometimes parents feel feelings of inadequacy, They feel wrong, they think they do not know how to educate their children when for example they are communicated to their difficulties or bad behaviors from the child. They feel a strong sense of guilt because they think they are failing as parents and feel anguished by the possibility that the child is judged in an unjust way, it is not included in his needs and for his potential.
What do teachers fear?
One of the difficulties of the teachers concerns the poor trust that parents have towards them. “It would be nice if the parents could stay in the classroom one day with us,” a teacher told me one day, manifesting the desire to show families that their task is not simple at all. Come on the needs of each single child with the idea that is part of a bigger set to manage is often tiring and not always easy to successfully.
Frequently, teachers also feel frustration in the face of the possibility of being wrong by making something in carrying out their task. Be judged continuously, attached and not understood In their difficulty inevitably leads them to put themselves in a defense position towards parents; Parents who, not respecting the role of teachers, risk giving a bad example to their children, who will behave equally when they are in class. So what to do?
Face the fears being meeting
Some parents, as well as teachers, sometimes contrast their fears subtracting to uncomfortable situations, in which they could be embarrassed or compelled to give explanations. They avoid the comparison (“I have nothing to say”) with the escape (“better than going away!”). Others, on the other hand, collide aggressively by devaluing the role of the other (“that teacher is unable to do anything”) and not considering it.
As we have seen, remaining on their positions does not favor anyone, let alone children who are the first to resent the hostile relationships between adults. A way out of this type of situations is offered byface their fears, recognizing them and showing them to the other; Another who in this case is not an opponent to fight but someone to allocate with to achieve common goals. This is not an easy, but not impossible company.
Build a good relationship
We are often ashamed to manifest one’s own difficulty, While saying clearly to a teacher who has worried about the relationship he has established with his son, and do it without using aggression, he will be useful to make the teacher reflect on what the parent has indicated to him.
Ask for advice A teacher on how to deal with some educational themes does not mean declaring a bad parent, on the contrary. The ability to ask the other for help presupposes a great opening to receive new suggestions and improve. Demonstrate to the other availability to dialogue, compared, to collaborate together coordinating is one of the best strategies to create a good relationship.
There relationship between parents and teachers It should be built day after day, being encountered in the difficulties, respecting the role of the other and showing confidence in what he does. To do this, it is necessary that school and family are convinced that a good educational action depends on both: school and family need each other.
