What is pathological narcissism
The word “narcissism“It comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus. According to the myth, Narcissus was a beautiful young man who refused the love of the nymph echo. As punishment, he was destined to fall in love with his own image reflected in the water. Unable to consume his love, Narcissus” turns his gaze kidnapped in the mirror of water, now after now “. Finally he is changed to a flower that still bears his name today.
The concept of excessive love has been recognized and examined throughout history, but only in recent times it was defined in psychological terms.
Today the narcissismand more in particular the narcissistic disorder of the personality disorder is defined as a very complex personality structure. The person who suffers from it develops a real sort of fixation for the image that refers to others. In fact, it pays enormous attention to what are the feedback on it by the people with whom the narcissist more or less close relationships.
From normal to narcissistic pathology
The narcissism It is a trait of the personality that can be considered, within certain limits, an absolutely physiological state. In some respects it is also functional in some contexts of daily life. However, if this psychological attitude seriously interferes with interpersonal relationships, daily commitments and the quality of life, it can take on typical proportions of the pathological narcissism.
In psychopathology, within the statistical diagnostic manual (DSM-5), the narcissistic framework is indicated among personality disorders. People who present these characteristics can tend to praise their skills exaggeratedly. They place themselves in the exclusive and pre -eminent center of their interest and thus become the object of a pleased admiration.
Characteristics and symptoms of narcissistic pathology
The subjects who manifest pathological narcissism They tend to be absorbed by fantasies of grandeur and unlimited success. They often manifest an almost exhibitionistic need for attention and admiration on the part of others.
In addition, these people are unable to recognize and perceive both the assessments and the feelings of others (reading the mind of others and empathy). They tend to exploit others to reach their purposes, as to despise the value of the work of others.
Perhaps, the peculiar feature of pathological narcissism It is precisely the lack of empathy. From this derives the belief that one’s needs come first of anything else. The narcissists also argue that their way of seeing things is the only one just universally.
The suffering behind the narcissistic mask
Behind this mask, however, the pathological narcissist It usually presents a fragile self -esteem that makes it vulnerable to those that he perceives as criticism. Often, narcissists believe that others envy them, but are hypersensitive to criticism, failures or defeats. To the dimension represented by the tendency to grandeur, uniqueness and superiority, therefore oppose, feelings of inferiority, fragility, vulnerability and fear of comparison.
When they are faced with the inability to satisfy the high opinion they have of themselves, the narcissists can get angry. Sometimes they develop panic attacks, they depress deeply or even can attempt selfish actions. This is usually the moment when it usually comes to the attention of a clinician (symptoms related to anxiety, depression, excessive concerns are reported).
The most typical characteristics, reported to clinicians, are in fact a sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction, depression or hypomania, suicidal ideation, derealization, dysphoria.
The impact of the pathological narcissism It can be significant in many sectors of life, such as relationships, work, school: it is obvious that the consequences of narcissist’s behavior can play a central role even in psychotherapeutic work, in which an attachment relationship is established par excellence.
Causes of pathological narcissism
The causes of pathological narcissism They are not clearly defined and univocal. Often, this picture results from the combination of multiple factors, social and biological factors that intervene during the development of the individual. In particular, the development of the disorder can be favored by growth in an invalidating family environment, characterized by a behavioral insection by two hypereasigent parents.
The narcissistic personality disorder (or high narcissism in general) can also result from growth in a familiar environment unable to provide the child with the necessary emotional attention and the consequent satisfactions of his needs. Over time, in response to this attitude, the subject would solve the continuous threat to his own self -esteem, developing a sort of sense of superiority.
Pathological narcissism and sentimental relationships
There poor empathy of the pathological narcissist, it becomes central in relationships, especially sentimental. From the outside the person with high levels of narcissism seems “the ideal person”, the one that everyone dreams, inserted very well on a social and professional level.
Usually it is skilled in appearing for what it is not, the first form of manipulation that puts in place. It is often very endowed on an intellectual level and appears very safe, even if it needs to constantly feed its self -esteem. In fact, in fact, the inner world of the narcissist is characterized by a great void, he often missed the gratifications by the mother.
Who suffers from pathological narcissism He suffered trauma in attachment relationships, has not been protected, nor have the rules have been provided (he was often a child who had to become an adult very quickly, at least in the family context).
Once you become an adult, the others must keep under control, the world around it. When the pathological narcissism The other does not exist, and all the attempts that the partner will make to try to change the person will be useless. The narcissist is in fact insensitive to the suffering of others, he is not empathic and he cannot feel feelings, even if he does everything to appear a sensitive and empathetic person.
The phases of the relationship with the narcissists
In particular, three phases can be identified in the relationship with the partner:
Phase 1 – Seduction
He who presents high levels of narcissism shows the best of himself. At this moment, it pays close attention to showing a false self, lying, playing a kind of role. The goal is that the other falls in love and take care of him.
At the beginning, therefore, it shows a vulnerable side of itself, trying to activate the sense of care in the partner. By often telling an unhappy childhood, it evokes in the other the desire to do it happy at all costs, changing, changing to meet his expectations, thus entering the circuit of the challenge. The partner is convinced that he can satisfy him and to be able to change it.
Phase 2 – Intrustment
The two partners form a couple and their lives cross at various levels: sentimental, economic, social.
The subject with pathological narcissism acts to isolate the other from his family, his friends, from work. On an individual level it acts making it feel more and more fragile through the use of criticism, which first uses in a thin way, then increasingly heavy. Socially the narcissist is highly appreciated, therefore if the partner complains with his family or with the people who have as its reference point, they will tend to diminish his observations.
Phase 3 – Destruction of the other
The pathological narcissism It emerges with all its strength and the subject becomes more demanding, violent, jealous and distant.
At this point of the relationship, he has already managed to make the other feel a nullity, insecure of himself, often value without value. It is not unusual that the narcissist uses verbal and/or physical violence.
On a verbal level, alternating moments of sweetness to moments of aggression and it is precisely these oscillations that make the partner even more dependent, who destabilizes himself and no longer knows how to behave. Hesitates to forgive him and then forgives him thinking he will change. Through the mistreatment (psychological, emotional and much more rarely physical) the partner paralyzes, thus losing his own skills.
Care of pathological narcissism
The treatment Of this disorder is centered on cognitive therapy, which often requires prolonged times and a great commitment, especially from the therapist. These must constantly self -marine and monitor the relationship and the various interpersonal cycles that can be activated with the narcissistic patient.
The treatment of the narcissistic personality disorder is often very difficult, as the patient is not usually aware of his own problem and the effect that this causes on other people. Traditional antidepressant therapies have no effectiveness on pathological narcissism.
The disorder can be managed with one cognitive-behavioral therapy In medium-long term, but needs specialists who emphasize empathy and do not contest the perfectionism of their patients, the feelings of privilege and grandeur.
Recommended readings
Download here the first chapter of the book “Basta Narcisisti!”, Erickson editions.
