Self -esteem is an essential component of our psychological balance. It corresponds to the evaluation that everyone has of himself as a human being, both by analyzing his own skills and strengths, and also considering all those traits that do not seem satisfactory and that can be improved.
It follows that one Good self -esteem It implies having a positive opinion of oneself, believing that I deserve love and attribute value to one’s thoughts, feelings, opinions, interests and objectives.
On the contrary one low self -esteem It involves poor consideration of self, with the consequence of seeing yourself, the world and the future in a negative and critical way and appearing shy, anxious, unable to express ourselves freely.
Signals of low self -esteem
The main signs of low self -self -caution include:
- be excessively self -critical, insecure and perfectionists
- have difficulty accepting the compliments
- constantly search for reassurances or confirmations
- avoid many social situations
- show lack of initiative and reluctance towards new experiences
- constantly nourish the fear of failing
Causes of low self -esteem
Low self -esteem can derive from many factors. Among these:
- Traumatic childhood experiences: abandonment, abuse, bullying, refusal or negative influence of peers.
- Inner dialogue associated with negative and hyper-concentrated thought schemes on defects.
- The tendency to confront each other in terms of beauty, success and popularity.
- A story of repeated academic or professional failures.
- Have had one or more unsatisfactory relationships in the past.
- Physical changes: weight fluctuations, aging, disabling pathologies, etc.
It is quite evident that this psychological structure, characterized by the deficiency of self -confidence and constant insecurity in its acting, has a negative impact on social relations in general and in particular on emotional ties.
What repercussions do you have low self -esteem on a relationship?
People with low self -esteem often perceive themselves as not deserving of their partner and probably believe that their relationship is not due to a true love bond, but rather to other factors, more related to randomness.
They usually try to Avoid conflicts and difficult conversations For fear of being rejected or receiving negative feedback. The report will be affected due to the lack of communication.
They are induced to think that We must be satisfied Of an even satisfying relationship, perhaps with an aggressive and mistreating person, because they are believed to be not able to aspire to anything better, given their basic deficiencies.
It can be difficult to communicate to the partner their thoughts and feelings because you often have the feeling that your ideas or opinions are not worthy or important.
Starting from this belief of perceived inferiority in front of others, you are brought to lie and hide your true selfconvinced that otherwise his partner would disappoint. The result can only be a weak and unhealthy relationship, continuously at risk of rupture.
A low self -esteem can increase the individual’s feelings of jealousy and insecurity towards one’s partner, since it is afraid of being neglected, offended or perhaps betrayed and abandoned at any time.
There is therefore a need for repeated confirmations of love by the other person, in a continuous search for evidence and demonstrations of loyalty which, however, never seem sufficient to appease all doubts.
One follows one Veiled condition of anger and hostilitywhich often determines in the partner a reaction in turn impatient and astiosa, so as to perpetuate a vicious circle of conflicts.
The perception of oneself as particularly fragile and vulnerable is accompanied by the tendency to retain the emotional momentum towards the partner, in fear of “letting go” of a relationship perceived as uncertain and ephemeral. So not worthy of full involvement because at risk of interrupting at all times.
How to deal with low self -esteem in a relationship
When a couple relationship is made difficult of these psychological mechanisms, it is necessary to search for the most appropriate paths to strengthen and support it, not forgetting that this is a path that requires patience and commitment.
The methods useful to face one low self -esteem in a relationship They include more roads, with indications on different and complementary strategies aimed at each of the partners.
Advice for the person with self -esteem problems
Communicate openly. Expressing its thoughts and emotions to the partner sincerely can help support the relationship, providing ideas to receive reassurances and encouragement.
Give priority to oneself. Practicing oneself can improve self -esteem with beneficial effects on the relationship with the partner. For this purpose it can be useful:
- Follow a balanced diet
- physical activity
- buy something new that had been wanted for some time
- Read a good book
- spend time in nature
- walk
- meet friends
Place goals to be achieved. Establishing and then creating realistic objectives can increase self -esteem, perhaps with the technique of decorming them in smaller parts and therefore more easily reachable individually. Whether it is a personal goal or a goal related to the relationship, celebrating its success can help recognize the individual’s value and skills.
Tips for the partner
If your partner proves to have a low self -esteem, offer support can improve the perception it has of itself.
The partner can be supported in the following ways:
- Practicing the so called “active listening”, that is, that way of listening to the others, intentionally striving to better understand the thought of others. The aim is to truly understand the point of view, motivations and expectations of the partner, suspending any judgment.
- Enhance its strengths, congratulating and expressing appreciation for these characteristics. Often asking for his opinion, contribution or his guide where this can be useful and reason for gratification.
- Showing interest in his passions and hobbies: when the partner talks about his passions it is appropriate to listen to him carefully, ask questions to find out more. If possible, try to participate in the activities he loves: even if you are not experts, the simple fact of trying can mean a lot for him.
- Avoid comparisons with other people. Each person has unique characteristics that make it special: focusing on what you love and appreciates the partner, without establishing value rankings, is essential to help him reevaluate himself.
Talk to a professional
Low self -esteem can be difficult to overcome, especially if it has been a persistent problem for many years. When you cannot improve the negative feelings that come to impact on everyday life and on relationships, talking to a professional can be a good option.
In these cases, the intervention of the therapist is essential to understand how the negative thought models and teach to replace them with more realistic and positive thoughts.
Through the therapeutic process, it is possible to revisit psychological trauma in a safe and supportive environment, break the patterns and behaviors that have determined the establishment of pathological mechanisms and, consequently, develop strategies that improve self -esteem, with great advantages on the couple relationship.
