The only actions to be prohibited from a child are those that can cause damage to himself, to others and the environment, and it is within this border that the child learns to regulate his behavior, and to become progressively more autonomous and responsible
The word “autonomy” derives from the Greek and is made up of two parts: au tos“He himself”, e nòmos“law”; Together with “self -discipline” it is one of the fundamental words of the Montessori method. A child who obeys the rules that are given to him, in fact, does not respond only to an external will uncritically, but can be adapted to others because he is aware of his own will and inclinations, and is an expert in self -control.
How do you educate in this direction? Maria Montessori taught children the wait by making only one pair of scissors at their disposal (not a couple for each child), he educated the responsibility by granting the material to a child who took him on, used it and managed the reorganization and cleaning (in the group work, however, the children also manage the division of responsibility together).
A child becomes busy gradually, if we trust him and respect his intelligence; However, it is necessary to clearly establish what is “yes” and what is “no”.
Rules and responsibilities
What is lawful and what isn’t it? What bases built self -discipline and, even earlier, autonomy and responsibility is built? Maria Montessori says it in a simple and clear way: all the actions can inhibit capable of causing damage to the child himself, others and the environmentand these are the only rules within which the child should learn to move. In these borders, his personality, his needs, his tastes – and therefore his experiences – will guide him. The order of the rules promotes autonomy and, consequently, responsibility. In Latin this word, Repeatmeans to respond; Children can respond to their choices and actions by experiencing the consequences of what they do. Of course, the parent should allow the child to live a level of responsibility for his age and development: they cannot be entrusted to a child of “adult” responsibilities who are responsible for the parent.
Consequence and blackmail
Sometimes it happens that parents confuse the consequences with punishments: “If you launch the food you don’t go to the gardens”; “If you launch the food, you raise yourself from the table.” The first statement is a blackmail (the child will not launch the food because he wishes to go to the gardens); The second statement instead refers to a consequence: “If you choose to launch the food, choose not to respect an important rule of the meal, so you will have to move away from the table”.
Of course it is a phrase that is understandable only to a child who is more than 30 months, hardly before, when the gesture of launching can be inhibited only through a kind and firm “no”.
Live the consequences of one’s actions – and not blackmail and punishment – allows the child to reflect on his action, reason on the behavior adopted and on the choice made. The impulsiveness thus gradually leaves room for reflexivity and consequently to competence, self -control and discipline.
Different levels of autonomy and responsibility
At the beginning of life, responsibility is in the hands of the parent, then slowly and gradually passes through the hands of the child, in small steps. Thus, in a family with more children of different age, you can have different rules, levels of autonomy and individual responsibilities according to the skills acquired. We make examples related to concrete situations of everyday life:
- Paolo, 17 months, cannot take the bead box and is helped in the reorganization of the materials by an adult. He enters the nest accompanied by a parent who assists him during the change: Mum Soggia the jacket, Paolo Lemile and hangs it, enters the class when shoes and jackets are in place.
- Francesca, 5 years old, can work with beads alone on a tall table and every time a bead falls it immediately collects it. An adult, without getting noticed too much, monitors the situation. At the end of the activity, Francesca reordered independently. At school, a parent accompanies her to the gate; Francesca, alone, is striking, wears the apron and enters the classroom.
- Rita, 8 years old, can work on the ground with beads even in the presence of Paolo, making sure that the brother does not approach the jar and extracting only the beads they need and that he can manage. It offers Paolo a material suitable for his age so that it is not attempted by the “forbidden material”. In the morning he leaves the house and goes to school on foot, he knows the dangers of the road: he was repeatedly accompanied on foot and with his parents he established both the itinerary and the good practices to put into practice. Rita knows all the traders in the neighborhood and often does the way together with Luca, a classmate who lives in no distant.
Manage frustration
We continue with the examples. Thursday is the day when children bring their own book to school to be able to borrow another to keep home for a week. A 4 -year -old boy can be autonomous and responsible for an activity of this level of complexity; If a Thursday does not remember, he will live the consequence of this lack: he will not return home with a new book. It is a tolerable consequence for a 4 -year -old boy, who perhaps will get angry and cry but, adequately supported, will be able to manage frustration and treasure it. The parent can then propose the creation of a calendar or a reminder to be able to remember the appointment more easily.
A child can …
- At 2 years dry the floor if he wets it
- At 3 years set the table (the dishes are already counted and in a reachable place)
- At 4 years of age, tidy up the socks and underpants of the whole family in the drawers
- At 5 years of age, remember the appointments of the week and organize the things to take (for the swimming pool, the library, physical activity …)
The adult can …
- Building a facilitating environment: reminder, calendars, opportunities to participate in family life and manuality exercise
- Help the child read his behavior to understand it better, elaborating experiences, successes and mistakes
- Be a model by apologizing when it is wrong, trying again if he cannot, and encouraging himself to do better
