There psychological manipulationunderstood as a tool to exploit the other in order to obtain a most relational series of advantages from him, can have infinite shades.
Sometimes, the consequences are serious or very serious for those who suffer manipulation, so much so that their identity and emotional balance is undermined. Other times, however, affective manipulation within a relationship can prove to be even functional to the well -being of individuals or the relationship itself.
In fact, those who manipulate does not always do it with the awareness of compromising the relationship. He can also react with surprise or suffering if put in front of the disastrous consequences of his actions.
In the same way, those who manipulate is not always a perverse narcissist. Often he is a fragile person and anguished by the idea that he should lie and alter reality in order to have wanted someone. The belief that no one will love to love it for what it really is.
How and where psychological manipulation is manifested
Psychological manipulation can manifest itself as a transitory way in ambiguous, suspended or evolving relational contexts. The courtship between two people can be the striking example. There courtship phase It is the one in which a sort of strategic manipulation is usually used, healthy within certain limits. That is, the ability to show the other the best parts of oneself, in order to hit and conquer it.
Still, there psychological manipulation It can present itself in all those relationships in which there is an imbalance between the parties. As for example in the relationship between parents and children. In particular, we witness when adults feel the need to protect children from situations that could not understand and that would disturb their balance.
Perhaps (because certainly it is not always true!) Certain omissions or distortions of reality can be interpreted by parents such as “the minor evil”, compared to the damage that according to them some truths could cause if not mitigated by benevolent deceptions.
Benign and malignant manipulation
Manipulation, however, can also have more “evil” characteristics. We could describe the different types of emotional manipulation as if they placed themselves on a sort of continuum.
To understand the psychological manipulation And its effects can in fact be useful to imagine a continuous line, between two extremes. Among these, the different forms of relational manipulation are declined, from the harmless or even benevolent (“benign”) to those, however, perverse (“malignant”).
Benigne manipulations
The polarity of the “Benign manipulations” It includes all those behaviors, attitudes and communications which, while distorting reality and information, aim to arouse positive emotions in the other, or to protect it in a situation of fragility.
To give a practical and very common example, the organization of a birthday party Surprisingly, he will need that the birthday boy ignores the pre -established day that all the guests will meet in secret to celebrate it. Technically, it is a great manipulation, but it is undoubtedly benign and collectively orchestrated and for good.
We all know well how healthy affectivity is characterized by small deceptions, mostly motivated by the need to protect the other, look at it and create a stable and pleasant relational climate.
A distinctive element of “benign” manipulation, therefore, is that in no case does not harm the values of trust and respect towards the other. In these cases, the manipulator wants to provide something good to the other and, at the same time, wishes to share his well -being and happiness.
It can be said that the positive extreme of the continuum of manipulation includes all the “relationship games” in which both participants somehow win.
Malignant manipulations
The opposite polarity, namely the “malignant” manipulationis represented by the so -called Gaslighting. Neologism introduced by American psychologists to designate The highest gradation of cruelty, pathological Machiavellism, emotional blackmail and relational violence.
The term is inspired by the film Light gas of 1944, in which the adulterous protagonist persuades his wife to be crazy to hide the betrayal.
The Gaslighing It is characterized by Aware and calculated actionsaimed at confusing the victim’s perception and demolishing his self -esteem. This in order to impose a psychological subjection, with the primary purpose of deriving advantages to its detriment.
The “malignant” manipulator, or Gasighterdoes not manifest empathy for his victim, nor stops in front of the dramatic consequences of his actions. Sometimes not even when the other loses control, until he believed himself crazy, until he perceived his identity as disintegrated.
The main objective of Gaslighingin fact, is precisely to undermine the autonomy and the evaluation capacity of the other; to acquire full control over his life.
The attacks very often are subtle, under-track, not clearly recognizable nor by the victim, let alone who are around them. Other times they are explosive and aggressive e progressive devaluation, conditioning and silence are used. A pounding alternation, such as to destabilize even the most structured identities.
Gaslighter’s strategies
The progressive devaluation
To achieve the goal of gradually devaluing its victim, initially the “Maligno” manipulator Use a slight irony (e.g., on physical fitness or on the way of dressing, speaking, etc.).
Then he aims to criticize habits, preferences, features of character, friends and family of the victim less and less velately.
Finally, he dedicates himself carefully and mercilessly to insinuating doubts about the morality of the other, about his loyalty, intelligence, honesty. It affects one by one, like human pins, all its emotional reference points for gradually lead to isolationsometimes total.
The victim of Gasighteroften, he will not let him/her falls into the field, and will devastate the residual ties alone. In fact, due to mental manipulation, they will appear as obstacles to be removed to conquer the “promised land” from its executioner.
Conditioning
Conditioning, on the other hand, consists in the controlled administration of small prizes every time the victim appears exhausted and about to collapse. Or, better yet, when it conforms to the evil requests of the gas (Eg, a dinner, a few words of affection, an imperceptible nod of esteem, but above all sex).
In sentimental relationships, which are the privileged place of this extreme manipulation, the sexuality is administered as a narcotic. With a sort of meticulous and strategic attention. What the victim perceives as a passion, as a total fusion with the other, from Gasighter Instead, it is used to define the sense of possession towards the other even more.
Manipulative silence
Silence, however, is extreme punishment, the favorite strategy par excellence of the “malignant” manipulator. It consists in the total disavowal of the other, following what the executioner defines as very slight inconsistencies to his pretensions.
The persecutor He suddenly refuses every communication, manages to disappear and, unlike the prey, can tolerate long periods of detachment. This is because it is aware of having to wait for punishment to have its effect.
In silence, the victim will tend to guilty and commissioned for causing such a clear and incomprehensible breakage. So it will return weaker than ever. Also, if this does not happen, the Gaslighing He provides that the manipulator will get them closer and take advantage of the state of prostration with the shrewdness in which he threw it suddenly disappearing.
The pathological manipulator
Progressive devaluation, psychological conditioning and silence frame the “malignant” manipulation in its extreme form of Gaslighting. At the same time, they identify in pathological narcissism and sociopathy the prevailing personological traits of the persecutor.
Know and learn to explore the continuum of manipulationbetween a “benign” polarity and a “malignant” of Gaslighing It can help us clarify the differences between the various characteristics of manipulators personality. This is in order to identify certain characteristics as soon as possible within a relationship and immediately ask for help.
A more precise understanding of the dynamics triggered by different types of manipulation In fact, it can encourage the development of even more targeted psychotherapeutic treatments and support victims in the junction process and resumed from a dysfunctional relationship in shorter times.
