Sometimes children arrive at breaking points by showing “explosive” reactions in the face of the prohibitions: the key to correct them listens to and planning
Good evening,
I am subscribed to Evidence Networkand share your setting on the education of the little ones. I am pregnant and I have a girl of almost 1 year and a half of cheerful and smiling nature albeit – always – with very strong reactions compared to the prohibitions. In particular, he has been taking place since he was 1 year a “self -injurious” reaction to “No!”, Especially when the ban is placed in a moment of tiredness. In these cases, the girl repeatedly affects the head on the furniture or on the floor, or beat your head with your hand, but does not see these behaviors in the parents. The only case in which it may have seen something similar is when the nanny affects, for example, a chair if he sees that the girl has hurt himself with that object.
Do you think it can be considered normal behavior or is it worth investigating?
Thank you
Very kind mom,
The fact that his daughter manifests self -injurious behaviors especially in moments of tiredness would lead to thinking that the problem is of an educational nature.
Being “adults” puts us in the position of knowing a priori when the rupture point arrives. It is no coincidence that all parents know perfectly what are the hardest moments of the day and the requests that almost inevitably will lead to “difficult to manage” situations. Well, if the parent manages to prepare first, these moments can be avoided as well as all those who follow chain. First of all, there must be shared planning by both parents: this is a necessary condition.
A question of educational style
From a pedagogical point of view, the solution is not in finding the right way to deal with self -injurious behavior, but rather in adopting an educational style that does not put the child in the condition of self -self -scale to be heard. Most of the time it is precisely an emotional explosion dictated by the fact that children do not feel listened to and understood And, not having the ability to express themselves, or unable to communicate what they feel or they would like to say, they express themselves in whims, tears or with self -harmful behaviors.
Listening to his child means having the attention that allows you to respond to his physical, emotional and growth requests. When a child gets hurt to get attention, we can assume that he has the perception of not being listened to.
Listening to a 1 year and a half boy means observing it, observing what he touches and as he touches it, what he wants to try to do and how he does it, how he moves and what things are. Listening, therefore, means observing and preparing what interests him so that he can find and find out, learn it. If he fills his curiosities, his little girl will be satisfied and not frustrated and therefore will be more willing to do what is asked or indicated and the breaking point that leads to the excess will be avoided.
Prepare
Even if the children are small, they are still able to understand the things that turn around them, but the communicative code that more than any other deciphery is the emotional one. Their demand for contact, of attention and exclusivity must be caught and supported in order to be able to make requests later or explain the right behaviors. It is never too early to show and explain, the only attention must be to do it using simple and understandable phrases from the girl.
The key to education is therefore preparing children to change. Which means that the moment when you want to bring the child to do something must be prepared and announced. To be clearer, if the girl is playing and it is time to wash her teeth, it is not conceivable that in five minutes you leave the game and run to the bathroom. Or if she returns home after a day of work or after going to make a commission, the first twenty minutes must be totally dedicated to the girl: only when her daughter has made “the full of mother’s pampering” she will be able to do something else.
The expectation of the little brother or sister should be shared in joy but also in the pains, in moments of tiredness, in planning and in the inevitable changes that will come. In this way, communicating his emotions as a mother, he will educate his daughter to recognize his own and learn to manage them. Try to imagine things together: perfume, tears, joy and also and above all tiredness and fatigue.
The weekly table of activities
It is advisable, for children from the year of age, to organize a weekly table for images, hanging in a place that they can see, in which to insert all the activities concerning daily life as well as with whom and where the child will spend his day. This is because, If children know what they have to do, they will enjoy greater tranquility and serenity: at any time they can be traced back to observing the point of the day they arrived. In addition, the time of greetings must be expected and underlined both when you leave – to prevent them from being lived as an abandonment – both when you find yourself – to enjoy the reunification together.
We are very prepared and organized for everything related to work and everyday life, we cannot leave to improvise or instinct the most important part of our life: parenting. Being parents is undoubtedly a task of great responsibility and fatigue, but if you plan it it becomes a child game.
