Children begin to discover their sexuality and question themselves about this aspect of life from an early age. Parents and teachers must therefore be prepared to accompany them, responding adequately to the questions that arise
Who is responsible for providing correct sexual and sentimental education for children? To parents, it is the most frequent answer. Even teachers, however, cannot be exempt from answering the questions of their pupils and by facing certain topics.
The curiosities of the children on the human body and its different functions, including the sexual one, begin soon: the first signs are already seen at the nest. Furthermore Today’s children are surrounded by erotic images, which appear everywhere: in films and trailers, advertising, television shows, subway and road bills. We should then ask ourselves if it is good that those images are “educating” our children or if it is instead adult responsibilities to provide explanations and assessments that help them orient themselves in such a multifaceted and complex field. The answer is obvious, but it is an educational task for which you have to be prepared, and the speech is worth both for parents and for teachers.
The sexuality of children
What does it mean, in practice, be prepared? It means that it cannot be improvised. It is first important to know the times of sexual maturation: Knowing, for example, that children also have their own sexuality, albeit different and immature compared to that of teenagers and adults. During the first year of life they can be observed in both sexes, sometimes and for a few seconds, movements of the pelvis, muscle tension and consequent relaxation. Between 0 and 4 years the spontaneous erection of the penis (in boys) and clitoris (in girls) can produce fleeting sensations, and equally fleeting can be the pleasure that the baby warns when, exploring his body, he comes to touch the genitals. However, there are sensations that are confused with other pleasant stimulations in different parts of the body, for example those of the tickling, a massage, or touching or caresses each other. Is the reason why With reference to this period of life, it is preferred to speak of “sensuality” rather than of real sexuality: Erotic sensations are in fact at an embryonic stage, not yet awakened – as will happen in puberty – by sex hormones, essential to trigger the mature stages of libido.
Sex games
Sexual pleasure is present, however, in masturbation and in some games of the older ones. Masturbation is normal behavior, even if not all children practice it. Even the sexual games that some children do from 3-4 years of age are part of normal. Games like “Dad and mom” or “the doctor” can have or not have an erotic component: sometimes to inspire them it is more curiosity than the search for physical sensations. These games are also a way to reassure themselves that in the anatomical differences between males and females there is nothing wrong or abnormal.
The discovery of differences
Around 3 years the children realize that being male or female entails the differences they did not think before: it is an important discovery, from which increasingly specific questions will emerge gradually. Why are males and females different? Why does he have the pea and the chip? How does mom be peeing? Can males have a child in the belly? Around the same age we also start to question the birth: where do the babies come from? Where was I before I was born? Why does that lady have a big belly? Where will the little sister come from?
At this stage, full of amazement and continuous discoveries, children have no problems showing their genital organs and with the same naturalness they would like to look at those of others, so it is legitimate to explain to them that not everyone wants to show themselves naked.
What to say and when
It is important to find the right way to deal with the themes involving children on an emotional level, using delicacy and sensitivity, and resorting to different languages depending on the ages (we talked about how to deal with children with children also in this article). In the first four years of life, the information that children can receive concern the names of the different parts of the body (always according to their language), the fundamental hygiene rules, the difference between males and females, where the children are found before being born. Starting from this information, the children will be able to develop a series of healthy attitudes: respect for others and for the differences, a positive image of their body and appreciation for its functions, the awareness that emotions can express themselves differently.
Between 4 and 6 years the information that children can acquire will be more articulated: the functions of the different parts of the body, the difference of bodies based on sex, the main mechanisms of pregnancy and birth, the basic elements of reproduction, the various types of family relationships (parents, children, brothers, cousins, grandparents), the fact that not all behaviors are acceptable and not all adults are friendly. And, as regards attitudes, they will strengthen the positive image of oneself and their body and respect for the differences and other sex, they will develop the sense of modesty and understand that their body is not available to others, but only them and no one else.
Questions and answers
Here is a small example of dialogue between parents and children, with two rather common questions and the related answers that we could give.
D. (4 year old girl): “Mom, will I marry dad as a big one?”
A.: “Dad is already married to me, when you are great he will have many years more than you, and you will know other men and you will certainly find someone you like”.
D. (6 -year -old boy): “Who are pedophiles?”
A.: “They are people who like children, but in a particular way … try to touch the children of the boys or the little girl’s chip.”
D.: “And why do they do it?”
A.: «For reasons that are in their head. But their head does not work like that of most adults, who instead love children, protect them and do not bother them ».
