There shame It is asecondary emotionwhich differs from the primary ones (anger, fear, sadness, joy, surprise, contempt, disgust) because it learned: it develops with the growth of the individual and followed by the social interaction. At the basis of this emotional experience there is a value judgment on oneself: a deep evaluation inadequacy And impotence. The person, in fact, feels shame when he feels that he has failed in not equaling the standards he feels that they have to respect, because they are the reference point of the company in which he is immersed.
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What is shame
Shame is a complex emotion that manifests itself when we feel judged, inadequate or out of place compared to certain social or personal standards.
It can be lived more or less intensely and associated with physical reactions such as the Facial redness. Becoming “red for shame” is an automatic response of our body in the face of a situation perceived as embarrassing or humiliating.
The meaning of shame
From a psychological point of view, shame is closely linked to self -esteem and fear of judgment. But what is its profound meaning?
This emotion can be described as one reaction to a failure perceived with respect to the expectations of those around us. Its intensity varies according to the context and our individual sensitivity.
The etymology of the term “shame” has its roots in the Latin Verecundiawhich recalls a feeling of fear and respect. Understanding the origin of this word helps us to grasp its cultural and social nuances.
Where the shame is born from
Shame has Deep origins and universal, which have their roots in the human need to which they belong. This feeling develops sincechildhoodwhen we begin to perceive the judgment of others and to deal with social norms.
From an evolutionary point of view, shame represents a mechanism of social regulationbecause it helps us to recognize behaviors considered inappropriate and correcting them, favoring our acceptance within the group.
However, this emotion can become dysfunctional when it is excessive or chronic, transforming itself into a weight for our self -esteem and our psychological well -being.
How shame is manifested
Shame is expressed in different ways:
- physically, With symptoms such as redness, sweating and accelerated heartbeat
- psychologically: with sensations of humiliation, inadequacy or desire to hide
- behaviorally: through avoidance or insulation attitudes.
Often, shame is accompanied by self -critical thoughts and a sense of guilt, which can be paralyzing. Common phrases such as “what a shame” or “shame blocks me” clearly express what impact this emotion can have in everyday life.
Shame and other related emotions
Shame can manifest itself together with other feelings, including:
- embarrassment: A milder form of shame, often linked to temporary social situations. We think about embarrassment when you like a person or the classic embarrassly face that an uncomfortable explicit
- modesty: A feeling that protects our intimacy and our “sense of dignity”. When we talk about being “shameless”, it is possible to refer to others who break our barriers
- inadequacy: Feeling inadequate or useless is a common manifestation of shame. These feelings can emerge in various contexts, as in the case of those who perceive themselves inadequate in the couple.
Guilt: similarities and differences with shame
Shame and sense of guilt are often confused, but represent two distinct, although related emotions. Both are born from perception of having broken rules or valuesbut they differ in the focus of attention.
Shame focuses on the self and is linked to the perception of being wrong or inadequate as people. The sense of guilt, on the other hand, focuses on behavior. It is the discomfort tried for having committed an action or an omission that is perceived as incorrect.
A common element between the two emotions is theirs social function: both serve to regulate interpersonal relationships, promoting respectful and repair behaviors.
However, while the sense of guilt can push us to apologize and improve, the shame, if not managed, risks leading to isolation and excessive self -criticism.
Shame and interpersonal relationships
In relationships, shame can take different forms:
- humiliation: a form of shame inflicted by others, which can deeply undermine our self -esteem
- Anger and hate: Emotions that can arise as a reaction to shame, as in the case of “hatred” and anger towards the partner
- Emotional detachment: Some people develop a defensive emotional detachment to protect themselves from further emotional wounds.
How to deal with shame
Overcoming shame requires a path of awareness and acceptance of oneself. Here are some strategies that could be useful:
- recognize and accept emotion: Understanding that shame is a universal experience can help reduce its intensity
- Look for support: talking to a trusted person or with a psychologist can offer new perspectives
- cultivate self-compression: Learning not to judge itself too severely is essential to overcome the sense of guilt and inadequacy.
