A good couple relationship is based on the ability of partners to express and share their emotional states (Gottman, 1992).
According to the scientific literature (Keltner & Kring, 1998; Pennebaker, 1997; Kennedy-Moore & Watson, 2001), succeed in communicate their emotions to the partner has psycho-social benefits including:
- Encourage the couple’s relational intimacy
- Demonstrate interest in the partner
- Communicate appreciation/non -appreciation for partner’s behavior
- Give meaning to couple events
- Identify and face the disagreements early so that the relationship remains stable
- Decrease the degree of suffering
- Get support from the partner
Social anxiety disorder
The social anxiety disorder (DAS) is characterized by the fear of being judged negatively by others. These concerns lead the individual to try a state of alarm in sight or during social situations.
The subjective experience in these situations is characterized by thoughts concerning one’s performance and how it is judged, physical sensations of agitation, redness, acceleration of heart rate and an emotional state of profound anxiety.
According to Clark and Wells (1995) the same manifestation of anxiety can become the same subject of negative judgment by the other (and refusal), leading those suffering from Das to exercise a stringent control over their emotional reactions.
Social anxiety and emotional sharing
The person with Das expects to express negative emotions towards others and in particular towards the partner, can put it in bad light and make it less attractive thus encouraging the relationship.
Sharing fears and fragility is associated, in fact, to the idea that the other will move away since he has shown himself weakness.
Apparently, therefore, limiting the amount of information on one’s emotional world can become a good strategy to minimize the chances of humiliation and refusal.
However, if on the one hand this behavior limits the risk of criticism, on the other prevents partners from getting to know each other and strengthen the relationship.
Therefore, there is a paradoxical effect for which the fear of refusal prevents the creation of a climate of safety between the partners and increases the probability that the relationship is due to the poor intimacy.
Couple life in people with social anxiety
Literature indicates that the life of a couple of people with das is characterized by less satisfaction.
Overall (Wittchen et al., 2000) people with das are more frequently insulated socially, they are less likely to have a partner and their life as a couple is characterized by less relational (Sparrevohn & Rapee, 2009) and sexual (Montesi et al., 2013) satisfaction.
Social anxiety influences couple life by reducing trusted levels between partners and the ability to notice and appreciate the support offered by the partner.
How the das is manifested in the couple
THE’social anxiety in the couple can take different forms. Some typical elements in the partner with das are:
- Avoid social situations
- Suddenly close in itself without an apparent reason
- Conduct solitary recreational activities or with few and selected acquaintances
- Appear uncomfortable in social situations and worrying extremely the image that will give to others.
- Tendency to interpret comments and observations as criticisms or notes aimed at himself
- Give excessive weight to what the partner thinks and wants
How to improve couple life
Improving life as a couple in the presence of social anxiety is certainly possible. The fundamental requirement is the desire for the relationship to be successful and, in itself, the das does not influence the push to have a good couple relationship.
Since the heart of DAS is the fear of criticism and refusal it is important to intervene on aspects that increase the couple’s relational security.
- Criticize behaviors and not the partner.
- Encourage the partner with Das to express worries and doubts.
- Increase pleasant couple experiences by sharing emotions and feelings.
- Remember that DAS leads to interpreting the other’s observations and behaviors more critically than they are; Therefore, those who suffer from das is important that you try to stick to the facts and do not stop at the first interpretation of the situation.
- Avoid responding to contrasts or painful situations by closing themselves. However natural, withdrawing the quality of the relationship worsens and prevents the recovery of the connection with the partner.
What are described are some precautions that in general can favor the well -being of the couple.
Each Diade, however, is unique as well as each individual. More complex situations require more structured intervention both on an individual level in order to resolve the DAS, and at the level of the couple to encourage the recovery of relational intimacy.
Fortunately, there are individual and couple interventions that can solve these difficulties and return to people a serene and satisfying relational life.
Bibliography
- Clark, DM, & Wells, A. (1995). A Cognitive Model of Social Phobia. In: RG Heimberg, Mr Liebowitz, from Hope, & Fr Schneier (eds.), Social Phobia: Diagnosis, Assessment, and Treatment (pp. 69–94). New York: The Guilford Press.
- Gottman, JM, & Levenson, RW (1992). Marital Processes Predicative of Later Dissolution: Behavior, Physiology, and Health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(2), 221.
- Keltner, D., & Kring, AM (1998). Emotion, Social Function, and Psychopathology. Review of General Psychology, 2320–342
- Kennedy-Moore, E., & Watson, JC (2001). How and When Does Emotional Expression Help? Review of General Psychology, 5187–212
- Montesi, JL, Conner, Bt, Gordon, EA, Fauber, RL, Kim, Kh, & Heimberg, RG (2013). On the Relationship Among Social Anxiety, Intimacy, Sexual Communication, and Sexual Satiscation in Young Couples. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 42(1), 81–91. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-012-9929-3
- Pennebaker, JW (1997). Opening Up: The Healing Power of Express Emotion. New York: Guilford Press.
- Sparrevohn, RM, & Rapee, RM (2009). Self-disclosure, Emotional Expression and Intimacy Within Romantic Relationship of People With Social Phobia. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 47(12), 1074-1078. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2009.07.016
- Wittchen, Hu, Fuetsch, M., Sonntag, H., Mueller, N., & Liebowitz, M. (2000). Disability and Quality of Life in Pure and Comorbid Social Phobia: Findings From A Controlled Study. European Psychiatry, 1546–58.
