The British call it Terrible Two, a phase of profound changes for the baby who begins to perceive themselves as a body unit separated from the parents
Suddenly screams, inconsolable tears and unexpected reactions. The first thought of the parents is: «But what is happening? Until yesterday peace and now, suddenly, we have a small revolutionary at home ». Don’t worry, we officially entered the phase that the British call Terrible twoand we can also reassure ourselves: as with every evolutionary phase, it also has a beginning, a development and an end. But it remains anyway a period that must be understood and dealt with carefullyjust to lighten the labors. Let’s take a good breath and try together to understand the importance for the development of children and how parents should behave.
Not only “no”
We must consider that children, like us adults, have the right to say “no”, even if this becomes a kind of magical word to be stubbornly repeated to affirm their will and independence from adults (or even just to see what effect it does).
But the two years are not only the age of “no”, opposition and anger. At the same time, in fact, the child begins to pronounce the pronoun “I” often, he recognizes himself in the mirror, perceives his body unity and begins to feel a “person” with thought and will, separated from his mother, father and other reference figures.
The favorite “target” in this phase of affirmation and opposition is the mother, or the person with whom he has more confidence and with whom he feels more free to express herself: it is precisely on her that she feels more dependent and it is with her that she is still afraid to get confused.
So let’s remember that It is through “no” and “I” (and also “mine”) that the child experiences his freedom and tries to affirm his personality; That is, the first forms of “individual thought” are made in him. The “objections” therefore represent nothing but a reference to autonomy.
Fears and insecurities of the child
The “no”, the oppositions and the apparent challenges also contain the fears and insecurities of the baby. This is because on the one hand there is his desire to venture into an unknown world but on the other the fear of not knowing what he will find: “I am growing up, I want to do alone” but “I still need your guide and your closeness”. This is an important evolutionary phase, a “gym” in which the child trains to learn to manage frustration and control anger. It will take time to master emotional impulses, and the parent will have to be close to him, letting this time have its evolution, offering him winning strategies and socially acceptable solutions.
Parents: How to behave in front of the Two terribles?
First of all, we avoid considering the oppositional attitudes of the child as a challenge and consider them rather as an initial and confused attempt to understand how the world works. We should then be strong enough to support and support them during the “falls” and the inevitable mood changes, as well as good at predicting and anticipating situations that we know could “unleash” crying crisis and angry. For example, let’s try to limit the attendance of closed, crowded and too stimulating environments (supermarkets, shopping centers etc.): tiring the child will make him more easily irascible and nervous. Better to bring it out, outdoors: nature relaxes tensions, calm, reassures and offers infinite possibilities of experimentation.
A safe house to play in
Children often need to jump, run, climb, and it is therefore important to offer them motor opportunities even at home as well as outside. The important thing is that the room chosen for this type of activity, as well as the rest of the house, is a safe place: we will therefore use spaces that have “soft” structures inside it such as a mattress, a sofa, cushions etc; In this way, the baby will run less risks (consequently, the prohibitions will also be minors) and at the same time he will be able to choose and use independently a vast amount of objects and materials.
The important thing is to always conclude these activities with moments of relaxation: pampering, relaxing music, readings.
Channel the energies
Another important task is to help the child channel energy. In this regard, It is preferable to offer him, during the day, an orderly life in which the rules (of the meal, of hygiene, of rest etc.) represent a normal and good habit for your well -being.
During the “oppositional phase” the little ones want to do everything alone, but this aspect can be “exploited” positively by the parents. Let us help, for example, to set the table, or invite them to perform some actions independently (eat, go to the bathroom, put on your shoes etc.) and maybe let him manage some small frustration without our intervention.
Let’s calm down and “take back” the emotions
Faced with any crises, the best thing to do is to reassure the baby: only once calm will be able to resume the emotion and experience he has heard. To do this, we mainly keep calm, since scream and agitated will only be counterproductive (the child will shake in turn).
Each parent has its own way to find inner tranquility, such as making a nice breath, count up to twenty, leave the room and “delegate” someone for the little time necessary to decrease the tension, etc.
In any case, The advice is to reassure our children by embracing them. In this way, the message that will pass will be: “I’m here for you, I understand that you are angry and I accept it.” When i arrive i Terrible twoalways remember that our task is to put limits on the safety of our children. Theirs is to go beyond them to grow!
