The child’s body is his own: when an adult approaches him he must do it respecting his spaces and his intimacy.
The body of the child is not of the mother or dad, it is not of the teacher and is not even the pediatrician.
The child’s body is only the child. When an adult approaches a child to change the diaper, to pamper him, to play with him, to give him a bath or to take care of a wound, he inevitably enters, verbally or physically in the sphere of his intimacy. AND, Sometimes, you come into contact with the body’s body without due attention, pushing it, tearing it and moving it without justified motivations: in these cases the body of the child becomes an object, and by a human subject with rights, turns into a mannequin deprived of his personality. These are the occasions when the adult, who should play a role of protection, comfort and guide, “abuse” of physical superiority to impose his own will.
The annoyance of seeing one’s intimacy violated
Since birth, the child must be able to distinguish and be aware of the property of the body, of his body, so that he can be educated to respect himself and protect himself.
Violate and direct the mind and thought of the child is complicated (even if not impossible), while violating and directing the body is relatively simple.
The child, sometimes, manifests his disappointment in being moved, washed, stripped without too much care or notice, and if this mode is repeated several times it can happen that the child gets used to and stop protesting, letting himself be taken, moving and directing continuously. In this case, the child can believe that others can “abuse” his body at discretion. Yes, using the term “abuse” may seem excessive, but are we sure that our child does not claim and do not want to protect the property of his body?
How to invite to the meeting (without forcing)
When a child performs an impetuous gesture towards us (a push, a slap, a straiter, a pulled hair), don’t we have the feeling of being violated? We often react immediately, even with annoyed tone: “Hold your hands down!”; “Don’t try!”; “Come on, leave me!” Another adult did, with intentionality, we could not accept it in any way, indeed, we probably would have the desire to report it!
In the daily life of parents, however, there are less strong occasions, in which we want to educate to good manners, in reality we fall into this counterproductive dynamic. For example, when a child tries to rebel against an invasion of his space by an adult, or another child, often we make his debut with phrases like: “But come on! He just wants to hug you! “, Or” This lady just wants to give you a pelvis, she is a friend of mom and dad! “.
The child can be uncomfortable in relating intimately with another person and parents can be fought between supporting the child’s position and protect his privacy, or force his expansiveness. So what is it better to do? We should let the children decide how, when and how much to open up to others, without forcing, but inviting them to the meeting. Our intentions are oriented to socialize and kindness is an important competence to transmit. I would say that, in the first instance, we should rethink our interactions with other adults. Try to stop a moment and think about your day, ask yourself:
- Always greet with kindness?
- Are they courteous with the other family members too at home?
- Am I always willing to be caressed or touched?
Educate to empathy
Let’s start by example and remember that Children, just like us, do not always want to get in confidence with everyone. Respecting the child also means entering in relation with discretion, kindness and caution, waiting and welcoming his legitimate reactions of disappointment or concern, and educating him to respect his body, and that of others, through the example. We can help our children read the emotionality of others, to educate them to empathy and respect for the other: «Do you see that it is not happy if you hug it? He doesn’t want to be touched now. If he smiles it means that he is happy, if he does not do it, you have to respect it ». To educate our children in this direction we must first of all do this job on ourselves, imposing ourselves that they are respectful of our children, their mood and their private sphere. This approach can be implemented since birth, when physical contact is very frequent, important and inevitable, indeed recommendable. But when to pamper and how long it is part of a relationship in which the protagonist is also the child.
Autonomy must be respected and cultivated
During the child’s personal care practices we should try to be very respectful of his body, reminding us that he is his own. Even to a newborn we can communicate what we are about to do: “Now you slack you the diaper, you kick you and dry you”, or “can I help you put on the shirt?”, Or “I help you eat?”, Or “wait, I try to help you drink. I keep the glass. ” This will also guide us in education to the autonomy of personal care: as soon as the child can take care of even a part of the self -care process, he will have every right to be able to do it. So a walking child can independently reach the place of the gearbox, he will be able to sit on his own, parade the socks and perhaps even the trousers. Where the child cannot do alone because of his immaturity, the adult replaces him, and he should do it with gestures asking “permission”.
In the role of the child
Let’s try to put ourselves on the side of children and to imagine how we would feel if:
- They dried our nose from behind their shoulders
- They took us in the arms to make us change direction
- They removed the shirt as we are stacked the buildings
- They took us for the hood of the jacket while we are looking for the balance
- They washed us without communicating to us where they are about to rub
- They took us in the arms as we are about to collect the ball
- They took us as we pronounce: “No!”.
It happened to us, would we feel violated in our dignity? Probably yes, and I also believe that it is easy to educate kind and respectful children, and others, making them experience respect and kindness from the first months of life.
