Guarantee children of confidentiality and intimacy to children, educate them to respect their own privacy and others, it is important to help them develop the responsibility of oneself and its own intervention on the world
Privacy means “right to confidentiality”. Since when can children boast the right to see their privacy protected? How can this sense be educated? In order for a person to mature, the desire for privacy should be clear the limit of oneself and others, both physical and psychic level. Educating for autonomous thought, at the idea of individual as a unique person and freedom can be an excellent starting point for growing adults respectful of one’s intimacy and that of others. Mum and dad also have the right to protect their privacy and should request it immediately with kindness. What is manifested within the family acquires, for the child, importance and concreteness. If we speak of confidentiality at home, this concept will be naturally introjected by children and will grow with them.
Their emotions
“How are you? Are you angry? “
“I don’t want to talk about it”.
If we reflect calmly, often we adults do not want to share some moods, perhaps because they are still unclear, perhaps in order not to show us in difficulty, perhaps because of the fear of judgment or for shame. Seeing a sad or suffering child pushes the lover and worried parent to investigate the source of malaise so as to be able to help the baby recover serenity. If he finds “barriers” he feels helpless and also risks offending himself for this exclusion. But it may be necessary to confidence in the skills of children and always show yourself ready to welcome. Parents should provide children with strategies to solve problems or deal with difficult situations, and sharing their emotions is one of these. Once sure you have educated in listening and welcoming, they will have to trust the child.
Their own things
“Would you give me some cardboard, please? I have to do a box with the things I don’t want my sisters to take “
We all possess some objects for which we have a particular affection and that we would suffer if they were lost or damaged. This does not mean being selfish, but fond of something. My freedom ends where yours begins: it is a phrase that implies that I can act freely, according to my will, until they offend, invade, I hurt or limit the other. The request of this child is lawful and is aimed at protecting, in addition to his personal things, also the sisters from any quarrels that would be born if they should take possession of his “treasures”. Parents have the responsibility of showing the way, while the destination, the children, have almost always clear it. If the way the child chooses to achieve his goal (protect some objects) is not violent, socially unacceptable or dangerous, parents can support it; Otherwise, they have a duty to direct the method of action.
Your space
“Sitting a little further away, I feel suffocated!”
The physical limit of acceptance of the other is subjective: there are extremely expansive people and others less, who suffer an “invasion” of their living space. A narrow, a prolonged hug, a kiss on the cheek, a caress on the hair: the perception of these simple gestures can be lived in very different ways. The parent will have his own acceptance threshold and so the child, like every person. The responsibility of the parent lies in educating children to read the situations, the needs of others and to regulate themselves by listening to and listening to each other. If the face or body of those in front of us communicates “annoyance” it will be appropriate to back away, if a child tends his arms to be pampered it will be advisable to do it. No affectionate gesture is necessary, but possible if appreciated by both sides. Many times there are children annoyed by the excess of affection of a peer: the super expansive child should be helped to perceive his intrusiveness, not such in itself, but in the context: “Do you see that he is not happy? It does not want to be embraced now. If you want you can embrace me! ».
Your body
“Do you need help to wash?” “I do alone, close the door!”
Autonomy in personal care is accompanied by the maturation of the need for privacy. First the children will be autonomous in taking care of their body, first they will want intimacy. It is not known in what moment they will no longer want guests in the bathroom or during the change of dress, but if they know they can serenely externalize their needs in the family, they will communicate it naturally: by approaching the door, asking to wait before entering, until the posting on the door of their unqualified cartel “prohibited”, “watchword”.
Respect children’s decisions
The role of guidance responsible for the parent must never fail, but sometimes the child prefers (soc) to close the door of sharing and it is a gesture that mom and dad must respect, even if with difficulty. At this point the gaze must follow the son from afar, his arms are found open when and if the child wants to be welcomed. In privacy, the child will be able to develop and refine the responsibility of himself and his intervention on the surrounding world. He will communicate spontaneously when he feels the need for confidentiality; Until then, parents can prepare the soil respecting his times, his body, his opinion and his emotions on every occasion, protecting his privacy and trying to be the most discreet and delicate possible in the relationship.
