Is there someone in your life that makes you constantly feel as if you were on an emotional roller coaster? Do you know a person who is friendly one day but the next day he gets up and retires? A family member or a procrastin friend of yours, postpones, blocks and constantly interrupts any conversation full of emotions? Sometimes you are that person?
If you answered “yes” to one of these questions, it is likely that you are interacting with a passive-aggressive person or that you yourself show signs of passive-aggressive behavior.
The diagnosis of personality disorder
Aggressive passive disorder It has been identified by psychiatrists as a personality disorder since the 1950s, but has then been the subject of many descriptive reviews that have always better defined it in its various aspects.
The essential feature of this type of personality is the presence of oppositional attitudes and of passive resistance Faced with common requests for services in social and work situations. In such situations, these subjects tend to easily develop feelings of anger and hostility that are transmitted to others in indirect and not openly conflicting ways.
Also described as “non -verbal aggression “passive-aggressive behavior means that the feelings of anger arises towards someone do not clearly manifest themselves, but they hide and then express themselves in a more “covered” way.
It is typical of these subjects to try not to explicitly transpire your moods: even if they are disturbed or annoyed or disappointed, they behave in a preletestly courteous way And maybe they will claim to be well and to be calm. But then they become easily grumpy and bowed, Until even the dialogue with the interlocutor of the moment.
In a nutshell we can say that aggressive passive behavior is a deliberate and masked way of expressing feelings of anger hidden.
Border between normality and pathology
In reality, in daily life It happens to most of us To experience some of these attitudes in social relationships: we usually do not like to conflict with others and therefore, where possible, we tend to avoid the situations of clash and you learn to control emotions, however leaving some signal of discomfort and discontent.
A certain form of passive aggression is therefore an aspect that anyone can show and that expresses itself on an arc of variability that goes from poorly recognizable behaviors (“sub -traces”) up to more evident conduct.
Starting from these considerations, the psychiatrists have therefore recently re -evaluated the diagnostic framework of these behaviors, coming to the conclusion that not all the manifestations of passive aggression They are necessarily indicative of a real pathology. They become it when a subject realizes these attitudes in repeated form, expressing usually The negative feelings to other people through these models of behavior, indirectly hostile and resentful.
Only in the latter case, therefore, is there talk of a actual personality disorder, otherwise we fall within the non -pathological sphere of the normal range of behavioral variability.
What are the characteristics of a passive-aggressive person and how do they recognize?
Passive-aggressive conduct can manifest themselves in many different ways.
The difficulties in the workplace
In the work field These subjects usually show resistance when he is entrusted to him a task they do not share: exteriorly seem to accept to be cooperative but in reality they adopt strategies that tend to postpone the execution of what has been requested for as long as possible, without showing their opposition in a clear way but while developing sensations of anger and frustration.
Therefore, a form of “Intentional ineffectiveness “with the propensity also to deliberately make small mistakes and carelessness, which represents a subtle way to express impatience towards a task deemed inadequate.
Victimism
It is generally recognizable in these people a cynical attitude, poorly and quarrelsomewith frequent recriminations of being little understood and not very appreciated by others, so as to spoke often in a form of clear Victimism. At the same time they deny that there is something wrong, to avoid a direct comparison or face unpleasant feelings.
Envy towards others
Manifest envy and resentment towards apparently more fortunate people, At the same time expressing persistent and exaggerated complaints about your personal difficulties.
They live an intense Conflict between the dependence on others and the desire for self -affirmation. Although they exhibit a superficial swagger, their self -esteem is often very scarce and therefore they cannot maintain a constant decision -making line, oscillating between hostile provocation and repentance. If they rebel against a task aggressively, it may be that after a while they return to their steps by accepting to do so.
All this is associated with poor emotional stability in stressful situations and one poor adaptation capacity to the various circumstances of everyday life.
Relational methods with the partner
In order to instill doubt and fault in the partner, a behavior often used is the silence. If an interlocutor says or does something unwanted, the aggressive passive, instead of communicating normally asking for explanations or clarifications, closes in a sort of silent inaccessibilityno longer even responding to telephone calls, messages, etc., with the aim of punishing and arousing guilt in the person who, in his opinion, has hurt him.
What are the causes?
Passive-aggressive behavior occurs when the person who acts does not want to make their needs and feelings explicit to others and avoids the responsibility for the direct impact of the opening expression of their words and actions.
This need to “Breaking” emotions It is often learned behavior since childhoodwhen we begin to realize that needs often will not be satisfied if the requests take place too direct.
Families in which the correct expression of emotions is discouraged and not taught tend to get used to children to repress and deny their moods, with the consequence of internalizing alternative expressive mechanisms.
If from an early age you are accustomed to considering anger as a negative feeling that should not be expressed, the tendency to implement replacement attitudes to channel it and therefore those relational strategies that will then constitute the nucleus of aggressive passive action are elaborated.
Passive-aggressive behavior in specific relational contexts
Having dealing with people who present passive-aggressive behaviors can be very difficult.
Whether it is working environments, relationships with partner, with friends or family, the aggressive passive attitude can have very negative repercussions on social relations.
Passive-aggressive partner
Having an emotional relationship with a passive-aggressive person involves different difficulties. Love relationships require ability to understand the needs of the other, sincerely communicate their moods, not to be too judging and severe towards the partner, conquer their trust.
But these are precisely the characteristics that defect many passive-aggressive people: they often appear cold, frightened by refusal or abandonment, unstable and contradictory.
They manifest an explosive combination of complicity and opposition, submission and obstinacy. They often experience gratification when they manage to make the partner lose controlto then take on an expression of the face of perplexity and perhaps ask for explanations for that reaction of an exaggerated anger.
It is evident that with subjects with these personological traits it becomes extremely difficult to establish a stable emotional relationship.
Workplace
Passive aggression in the workplace can create difficulties under different profiles.
Basically these people feed feelings of aversion to superiors, with attitudes of challenge and ill -concealed hostility.
The most frequent signs of this trend are the feeling of being underestimatedthe inclination ad blame the others for the failure to achieve a set result, the habit of procrastination of a work commitment accompanied by bad management of the time available, unmotivated irritabilitythe preferential appeal to notes or e-mails to communicate rather than face a direct interview.
The response to these dysfunctional attitudes of the worker should provide, when possible, the positive recognition for the tasks carried out, the communication of signals of appreciation by colleagues, the concession of margins of autonomy in decisions and work choices, inclusion in periodic teams of teams to give way to freely express doubts and concerns.
When looking for help
If the aggressive strokes come to condition relationships or working life It may be useful to contact a mental health professional.
Those suffering from this masked form of aggression is not always aware of it and this obviously makes access to a path of care more difficult, but speaking with a qualified therapist is the only way to understand these behaviors and what has caused them. To take the necessary steps to get used to expressing one’s feelings and needs with more adequate ways and useful to improve the quality of social interactions.
Bibliographic references
- https://www.psychologytaday.com/intl/blog/passive-partiassive-diaries/201011/10-Things-passive-partia-People-say
- https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/passive-gressive.html
