Mourning is the processing process of the pain and reactions experienced for the loss of a significant person with whom a feeling of emotional attachment had been established.
It is a process of adaptation to separation And it requires adequate times with attached separation rituals and external events useful for implementing specific psychological processes. In this article we will deepen the phases of mourningwith a focus on the psychology of mourning and its elaboration.
What is mourning?
The mourning It is a physiological process, but also deeply personal, which manifests itself in different ways according to people and circumstances.
Dealing with the loss of a loved one requires time, energy and, above all, awareness that pain is part of a natural process.
There is one rituals around mourning Made of necrologists, condolences from nearby people, funeral, see and touch the body of the deceased person. These rites have the purpose of Seal the detachment and prevent the mourning process from getting complicatedtransforming itself into pathological mourning.
According to some psychological theories, mourning consists of several phaseseach with peculiar characteristics that help to elaborate loss and move forward.
The 5 phases of mourning according to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Swiss psychiatrist, studied theacceptance of mourning (Grieving) and identified five phases which describe the emotional path of those who face a loss.
These passages, described in his book Death and dyingrepresent a guide to understand the processing process of mourning, although originally the model referred to the person with a terminal disease diagnosis.
Denial
Denial is an initial reaction that helps to reduce it state of emotional shock. A defense mechanism that has a protective function compared to the reality that is lived, too painful to accept and tolerate.
At this stage, the person can refuse the reality of loss, experimenting with a state of mental dullness and confusion.
This temporary defense offers the time necessary to gradually face the incident.
Anger
As reality becomes more evident, anger can emerge. This phase is characterized by questions such as “Why me?” Or “It’s not fair!”.
Anger can be directed towards close people, the deceased or higher entity, and represents an important stage to process pain.
Bargain
During this phase, we try to restore a sense of control with thoughts such as: “If only I had done something different” or “if only I had been more present”.
Bargaining is often accompanied by guilt e regret.
Depression
The phase of mourning depression is characterized by deep sadnessin which the person confronts the void left by the loss.
Post mourning depression can manifest itself with symptoms of reactive depression as a sense of despair and helplessness. Among the physical symptoms, insomnia, loss of appetite and tiredness can be experienced.
It is essential to distinguish this phase from the pathological mourning or clinical depression, which could require the support of a mental health professional.
Acceptance
Accepting the death of a loved one does not mean forgetting it, but learning to live with loss.
At this stage, the anguish leaves room for the full awareness of the incident and you can integrate the memory of the deceased in one’s life, finding new meanings and prospects.
Memory and nostalgia are stabilized in one positive and functional internal dimension And they take the place of the external manifestations of mourning such as despair and crying. We create an internal image of the dear person, the memory is preserved so as to represent a “refuge of Serena nostalgia”.
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John Bowlby and the 4 phases of mourning
What are the phases of mourning elaboration? And what happens to the brain after a mourning? In the essay Mourning and melancholy Freud he exhibited his theory of elaboration of mourning, distinguishing him from depression and assuming that he would take place in three phases: denial, acceptance And detachment.
John Bowlby, in the book Attachment and loss (1980), instead described mourning as a four -phase process. These phases, based on the emotional bond with the disappeared person, highlight the way in which human beings can face separation.
Phase of stunning and disbelief
This initial phase, which arrives after a few hours from death and lasts up to a week, is characterized by shock and confusion. The person may feel emotionally paralyzed, unable to accept what happened. This torpor can be interrupted by bursts of anger and pain.
Research and poisoning phase
In this phase, which can last months or even years, the mourning person feels an intense desire to gather with those who have disappeared, often accompanied by feelings of guilt and despair.
At this stage there may be physical pain, anxiety, insomnia and mobble.
What is done in this phase is to chase the memory of the deceased, keeping the clothes, looking at the photos. Frequent crying crises and sensory illusions can be presented.
Only when you accept that the loss is permanent then the anger disappears and the sadness takes over.
Phase of disorganization and despair
As the reality of loss makes its way, feelings of emptiness and lack of meaning emerge. It is common to feel overwhelmed by the sadness and awareness of the definitive absence of one’s loved one.
However, it may happen that this does not happen and that the mourning processing process is blocking at this stage. The person who cannot give voice to his pain It will allow this to stay within itself, making the process of acceptance of the loss suffered more complicated.
Reorganization phase
This phase represents thebeginning of a new normality. The person manages to renovate his life, integrating the memory of the deceased and finding new balances.
During the reorganization phase, the person leaves the anguish gradually behind it, resumes to make projects and is again capable of investing in the future.
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Common symptoms of mourning
Mourning does not manifest itself only on an emotional level, but can have physical and behavioral repercussions. Among the most common symptoms we can find:
- mental dullnesswith difficulty concentration and memorization
- physical painoften perceived as a sense of emptiness or heaviness
- apathy or emotional indifferencewhich can lead to a detachment from daily activities.
- alterations of sleep and appetitewith insomnia or weight loss.
In case of unrealized mourningthese symptoms can persist for years, preventing healthy loss processing. It is important to recognize them and, if necessary, contact a specialist.
How to deal with mourning
Is it possible to start living after a mourning? What happens if mourning is not elaborated? Depending on the mournful event that you are living and the resources available to the person, It can be more or less difficult elaborate the different emotions that can accompany the loss.
We think, for example, of the perinatal mourning: the way in which the elaboration of mourning takes place and the sense of guilt that could emerge during the different phases, will be able to affect the emotional and physical balance of the parents, so much so that a possible mourning depression or a post -traumatic stress disorder arise.
To avoid getting sick after a mourning and face it healthyly, it is important to focus on some activities.
You have to learn to accept their emotionsavoiding to repress them. It is advisable to participate in separation rituals, such as funeral and commemorations, which can help give a sense of closure.
In case of need, look for support from friends, family members or self-help groups and also consider psychological support, especially in the case of complicated mourning or persistent depression. Even maintaining a healthy routine, dedicating themselves to activities that favor physical and mental well -being, can be useful to return to normal and overcome the loss.
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Elaboration of mourning and psychological therapy
Among the most used types of psychotherapy for the elaboration of mourning are the Cognitive behavioral psychotherapy and the systemic-relational therapy. An expert therapist will be able to analyze the mournful events, the reactions of the person and the defense mechanisms that it has implemented together with the patient.
It will also be able to work on the sense of abandonment and the removal of the trauma of mourning, which can occur following the disappearance of a loved one.
The systemic-relational approach will also go to work on the effects of trauma on the entire family system, on the patterns and habits that have undergone a distortion following the mourning and how to reconstruct the relationship between family members finding new balances.
In Unebravo, both therapeutic approaches can be carried out with an online therapy path.
In addition, when you face a terminal pathology, psychological support can be of great help. It is possible to choose an individual path with a health psychologist, in some cases specialized in psychoncology, or group therapy.
