The Report Doc: Obsessions on the relationship on the partner

A typical case of DOC from Report

«I am a 30 year old girl, engaged to two. My boyfriend is cute, intelligent; It has a good job and together we are fine. Or rather, we were fine until five months ago when he asked me to marry him. From that moment my ordeal began: I’m no longer sure to love him! Or rather, I feel I love him, but I can’t stop thinking if he really is the right man for me. I question my feelings: “I love him enough?” “Does it really represent the love of my life?”. I can’t give me a convincing answer.

The anguish is growing to make the greatest mistake of my life. I need to heal that state of uncertainty reaching that only absolute and incontrovertible answer: yes I love it. No, I don’t love him. I can’t. I start looking for tests that help me resolve this doubt. I check my thoughts during the day hoping that those relating to him are constantly present. Soon attention to my internal states when I am in his company.

Unfortunately these tests do not help: whenever I realize that I am not thinking about him or I try irritation or annoyance in his company, I start to doubt seriously if he really represents the right man for me and if my relationship of mine really my relationship is fine. After all, if I have these doubts maybe it’s because I’m not happy with him! These thoughts make it difficult to maintain concentration at work.

I start thinking that perhaps it is not interesting enough for me. Rationally I know it’s not like that: he is a brilliant, intelligent boy. However, I can’t help but think about having a better partner. I happen to look around and see other guys. What if you were happier with them? How do I be sure that maybe I wouldn’t feel in love with them? I ask friends what they think, but nobody seems to help me.

If I’m not sure he is the right one for me, then it is better to close this relationship. Yeah, but if I don’t find another one? And if I realize that it was the right one? How do I go back to that point? I would risk regaining all my life. But how can I be with him if I feel persecuted by the doubts that it is not the right one for me? The fear of making a wrong decision paralyzed me, oscillating between the fear of losing it and feeling trapped in a wrong relationship. “

What is the relationship doc

Everyone can happen to think if our partner is the right one. Even the most close -knit couples can experience moments of uncertainty about what feel towards each other. It is a common experience to have doubts about compatibility with one’s partner or on how adequate sentimental relationship is.

In some cases, such as the example described above, these doubts and concerns occupy the mental space of the person so much that they will limit their social and working functioning. In these cases we talk about Obsessive-compulsive disorder (DOC) from relationship. An obsessive-compulsive symptomatology that has its focus on intimate relationships and which only recently began to receive attention both from a clinical and research point of view (Doron, Derby, SzesSenwol, 2014).

Debut of the DOC from Relationship

The obsessions of ‘relationship’ may concern various types of relationship, such as that of a mother with their child or even the relationship with God, even if most of the research was based on relationship with your partner.

In some cases the symptomatological debut follows important decisions from a relational point of view, such as a marriage proposal or having children. In other situations, the obsessive-compulsive symptoms occur after the closure of a sentimental relationship. The person obsessively worries about how the previous partner was the right person, fearing to regret his choice forever. And so he feels the need to reassure himself for example by remembering the reasons why the report has been closed, or by recalling the conflicts lived to memory, such as finding a justification for that choice.

The research shows that it is the duration of the sentimental relationship that the genre are not variables connected to this type of doc.

Types of DOC from Report

There are two common manifestations of this symptoms: obsessive-compulsive symptoms centered on the report and symptoms focused on the partner.

Centered on the report

In the first case, people feel persecuted by doubts and concerns about what they feel towards their partners, on the feelings that the partners have towards them and how ‘the right’ is. Can they repeatedly have thoughts of the guy on their head: “Is this the right relationship for me?” Or “What I feel is not true love!”, Or I’m “I’m fine with him/her?”, “My partner really loves me?”.

Centered on the partner

In the case of a symptomatology focused on the partner, however, the nucleus of obsessions is represented by physical characteristics of the partner (such as a part of the body), social quality (for example, not having the requirements to be successful in life) or even from aspects such as morality, intelligence, or emotional stability (“it is not intelligent enough for me”, “is not a person sufficiently stable with which I can carry on a family project”).

The relationship between the two types of symptoms

The two symptomatological manifestations are not mutually excluded in the same person. Clinical experience and scientific research have shown that i Obsessive-compulsive symptoms Centered on the relationship and those that focus on the partner are often present together.

Many people describe that they are first worried about a perceived defect of their partner (for example, in relation to physical aspect) and then be tormented by thoughts on how ‘just’ the relationship, given precisely that physical limit.

The vice versa can also occur: it starts to have doubts about the relationship and only later does it become worried about some partner’s defect. In this case, the intrusive thought concerning the partner’s defect could be considered precisely the sign of something that does not go into the couple relationship.

DOC DA REPORT: behavioral strategies

Compulsions

As a prerogative of any form of Obsessive-compulsive disorderdoubts and concerns are associated with a variety of compulsions whose purpose is to try to suppress/reduce the frequency of these thoughts, as well as reduce uncertainty with respect to the content.

The most common compulsions that people with DOC DA REPORT they tend to implement are as follows:

Pay attention and control your feelings (“do I feel love for my partner?”) And your behaviors (“am I perhaps looking at other women/men?”);
Compare their relationship with that of other people, such as friends, colleagues or even sentimental relationships of TV characters (“am I happy like them?”);
Reassure oneself by recalling experiences with the current partner in which they felt certain of what they felt.

Avoidance

People suffering from DOC DA REPORT They often try to avoid situations that can act as a trigger for their unwanted thoughts and their doubts about the couple relationship.

For example, they can avoid social occasions with recognized friends such as ‘the perfect couple’. If those circumstances were not avoided, they would deal with all the time to compare their behavior with that of friends, noting those differences that would then have read the non -‘rightness’ of their relationship.

In the same way, pleasure activities can be avoided, such as seeing a romantic film, for the fear of detecting a discrepancy between that what they feel towards their partner and the passionate and overwhelming love that perhaps distinguishes the protagonists of the film.

DOC DA REPORT: the cognitive elements

It is widely recognized in the obsessive-compulsive disorder that the different reaction towards its internal events plays a role in the development of the disorder.

In the specific case of DOC DA REPORTfor example, individuals can attribute great importance to the couple’s relationship, as a fundamental part of their being, of what they are.

If therefore self -esteem and one’s personal value is strictly connected to the relational domain, it is inevitably hypervigli to everything concerning the relationship, to the point that a normal feeling of boredom within the relationship with the partner can have significantly negative implications on the idea I have of myself.

Similarly, these people will be more sensitive to thoughts on the qualities of the partner if some defect of the same is perceived as a reflection of their personal value.

Here the way the partner confronts others and how it is considered by the rest of the world they can reverberate on the person by affecting the self -image, with consequent negative emotions (for example, shame, fault).

Dysfunctional beliefs

Specific beliefs about relationships can also be particularly relevant for the maintenance and development of the DOC DA REPORT. For example, catastrophic thoughts relating to the damage of being in a relationship in which there are doubts or on the negative consequences for the other of the interruption of an existing relationship (for example, “close the relationship with a partner is one of the worst things that can happen in a person’s life”) and for himself (“the thought of living my life without him/she terrifies me”).

These people usually present rigid beliefs of what should try within a ‘right’ couple relationship, like “if you don’t think about the partner at any time of the day, it means that it is not the right one” or “if you are not always happy when you are with him, it’s not true love”.

Finally, perfectionism, the intolerance of uncertainty, the importance of thoughts and their control, as well as hypertrophic responsibility, which represent some of the typical beliefs in obsessive symptoms, are also present in DOC DA REPORT.

Treatment of the DOC from Relationship

As for other forms of obsessive-compulsive disorder, also in DOC DA REPORT Cognitive-behavioral treatment is effective.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy allows the learning of strategies functional to the management and reduction of obsessions and compulsions.

In particular, the techniques used are the exposure with the prevention of the response (exposure to feared situations without being able to resort to compulsions to manage negative doubts and emotions) and the cognitive renovation of dysfunctional thoughts and beliefs.

In some cases, the partner can also be involved in order to evaluate any reinforcements provided by the latter to the patient’s symptoms and interrupt the disfunctional interpersonal cycles.

A significant reduction in symptoms would allow you to have a greater awareness of what happens within the relationship allowing the person to make a decision (leaving or not the partner) based on the real relationship experience rather than on fears and concerns related to the disorder.