Therapy scheme for the couple: from conflict to comparison

Therapy scheme for the couple: from conflict to comparison

By Dr. Kyle Muller

A Good couple relationship It turns out to be among the factors that most affect satisfaction for their life (Wernhart & Neuwirth, 2007). Having a sentimental relationship, in fact, is a source of support and protects the individual from emotional suffering (Røsand et al., 2012).

One of the fundamental ingredients because a sentimental relationship is maintained over time is the ability of the partners of resolve conflicts. Discussing and having different opinions is a healthy and functional aspect of each relationship. According to John Gottman (1994), a famous couple relationship expert, it is not the number of conflicts that predicts separation, as the (in-) ability of the partners to reconnect following the clash.

The key point, therefore, is not the content of the conflictwhich in any case has some importance, but the ways in which the partners face it. There is no problem or adversity that a couple cannot face (even the choice to separate) if the two partners maintain a clear vision of their own and other needs.

Based on these assumptions, within the panorama of cognitive-behavioral therapies and taking inspiration from other approaches, the model of the Therapy scheme has been applied to couple issues.

The Therapy scheme

There Therapy schemeoriginally developed by Jeffrey Young in 1994, is an integrated therapy that combines cognitive, behavioral, psychodynamic and experiential aspects. It is aimed at the treatment of dysfunctional interaction methods typical of people with personality disorders.

Young and colleagues (2003) conceptualized these ways as the expression of beliefs and ideas learned in childhood and adolescence following dysfunctional experiences with reference figures.

The frustration of needs and the birth of the schemes

These repeated and recursive experiences are characterized by the lack of satisfaction of some basic needs typical of human beings:

  1. Safety and stability: feel protected, accepted and appreciated by significant people
  2. Autonomy and competence: feel that it is possible and legitimized by others one’s desire to explore the world and the opportunities it offers.
  3. Freedom to express one’s needs, thoughts and emotions: to feel that it is possible to express what you feel and thinks without fear of being ignored by others.
  4. Spontaneity and play: perceive that they can be creative and spontaneously following the universal push to playful interaction with others.
  5. Adequate limits and responsibilities: it concerns the ability to follow social rules in order to live in harmony with others and manage frustration.

Repeated over time, these episodes provide information about how satisfied their needs and how the others (significant) will respond to their expression.

This information crystallize and become real Styles of thought who guide, in a silent way, the relationships to the point of influencing the attraction towards potential partners. Young (2012) calls this “chemistry” aspect that translates into an intense emotional connection with the other person.

The Therapy scheme for couples

The model of the Therapy scheme has been applied in many areas such as, for example, adolescent problems (Relofs et al., 2016), the resistant forms of depression (Malogiannis et al. 2014), Agoraphobia (Gude & Hoffart, 2008), the intake of substances (Ball, 2007) and eating disorders (Simpson et al., 2010).

In accordance with the good results obtained by these studies, it has also recently applied to couple therapy (Simeone-Difrancesco et al., 2015).

The conditions

There Therapy scheme for couples He shares with the “traditional” one all the theoretical conditions and the tools, but focuses his interventions mainly on the aspects of interaction between partners. In fact, the prospect of this model provides for some assumptions:

  • Couple conflicts arise from the inability of partners to satisfy mutual needs
  • The dissatisfaction of these needs produces negative emotions in intense partners
  • Negative emotions produce specific behaviors that lead to dysfunctional interaction cycles between partners

Responses to the frustration of needs

As mentioned, the frustration of a need involves the emergence of negative emotions that the person is forced to manage. While simplifying, within the model of the Therapy scheme for couples exist Three possible reactions When the person feels that the other is preventing the satisfaction of a need: attack, escape and submission.

In other words, it is possible to protest so that the need is satisfied, retire because they are aware that it will not be or showing yourself condescending and accommodating hoping that sooner or later it will be possible to achieve what you want.

Dysfunctional cycles

A crucial aspect is that these (unaware and automatic) strategies of expression of needs can trap people in dynamics without exit. Just think of situations in which both partners attack without wanting to give in to a step or situations in which both avoid conflict and thus forget intimacy and connection.

A clear example of dysfunctional interaction cycle It may be: the partner a returns for the umpteenth time late from work without warning and the partner B tries anger because he feels not respected. Once returned, the partner B attacks the partner who ignores him and retires feeling sadness and resentment. At that point, partner B feels further unprocessed and feels anger transforming into fury by pushing the other to retire further.

This type of dysfunctional cycles are very common among couples, but become problematic if they crystallize in stable and pervasive interaction mode. In other words, the couple continually falls into cycles without being able to interrupt them and reconnect.

Stop the dysfunctional cycle

Since the problem lies in the methods of expression of needsnot in the needs themselves, the Therapy scheme for couples concentrates its efforts on cycles that are activated rather than on the content of the problems brought by the couple.

In the previous example it is possible to imagine that it would have gone differently if the angry partner had legitimately explained to the other how sad he felt for not having been warned by feeling unimportant for him and that this had made him angry.

The goal, therefore, is to make partners aware of the dysfunctional interaction patterns and help them become capable of interrupting them. This with the ultimate goal of being able to reconnect emotionally and discuss the problem in a constructive way.

The interventions on couples

The Therapy scheme for couples uses the same tools as individual therapy, but adapted for a job that allows the involvement of both partners in the session.

In addition to techniques deriving from cognitive-behavioral therapy, it makes use of typical tools of other approaches such as transactional analysis and gestalt therapy.

A first tool is the Mode Cycle Clash-Card That is, a summary scheme of how conflicts in the couple are born and maintained. This tool is of extreme utility as it allows partners to understand what needs are not satisfied and discover new ways of expressing them. In addition, it helps to connect the reactions of the present with its own life history by identifying anniversaries that, otherwise, would remain unaware.

On the experiential level, during the sessions the use of the I work with chairs. This technique provides that in turn the partners are staging each of which represents a primary need of the person. It aims to clarify the needs clearly and express them to the partner. In addition, it facilitates the expression of emotions in the couple by building new ways to manage them.

Another typical tool of the Therapy scheme is theImagry with Rescripting In which the patient is asked to remember a negative event of his past (the experience that created beliefs) as if it happened again and to imagine that things go differently, perhaps with the help of the partner of now. The aim is not to alter the memory, which remains intact, how much to attribute to him a new meaning that can free the person from the weight of the mental scheme connected with the event (Arntz, 2012).

Conclusions

Although scientific research compared to the application of the Therapy scheme to couple dynamics is still at the beginning, the experience of many international clinicians seems to report promising results. The Therapy scheme is a model developed for the treatment of people with relational problems and, as such, it adapts effectively to couple work. This also provides hope for couples who report extremely dysfunctional interactions patterns originating from early experiences of each partner.

Bibliography

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    Basic Studies, and Research Agenda. Journal of Experimental Psychopathology3, 189–208.
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  • Gottman, JM (1994). What predicts Divorce? The Relationship Bethaeen Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.
  • Gude, T., & Hoffart, H. (2008). Change in Interpersonal Problems Cognitivo Agoraphobia and Scheme-Focused Therapy Versus Psychodynamic Treatment AS Usual of Inpatients With Agoraphobia and Cluster C Personality Disorders. Scandinavian Journal of Psychology49, 195-199.
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Kyle Muller
About the author
Dr. Kyle Muller
Dr. Kyle Mueller is a Research Analyst at the Harris County Juvenile Probation Department in Houston, Texas. He earned his Ph.D. in Criminal Justice from Texas State University in 2019, where his dissertation was supervised by Dr. Scott Bowman. Dr. Mueller's research focuses on juvenile justice policies and evidence-based interventions aimed at reducing recidivism among youth offenders. His work has been instrumental in shaping data-driven strategies within the juvenile justice system, emphasizing rehabilitation and community engagement.
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