It is important to understand the deep causes and hidden needs behind some pains of children without organic causes, avoiding to diminish them and trying a correct key of observation and intervention
Headache, stomach ache, various pains that suddenly appear: many parents will have happened at least once they have to deal with physical ailments of the little ones who do not have an organic cause and thus seem apparently “inexplicable”. Often these ailments have more to do with emotions than with diseases; In fact, children “speak” through their body, both when they feel positive emotions and when they are painful, manifesting their moods and expressing requests for help, attention and support.
How do you understand what a particular “symptom” expresses? How to help the child in difficulty?
Mattia’s leg pain
In the group he speaks Adele, Mattia’s mother, 3 years old. He says that his son has difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, while before “he jumped on like a cricket”, full of energy. Now he is always tired and repeats that they hurt him and his legs tremble. Adele, initially, thought that the malaise was due to the recent influence that the child had weakened but, after yet another control from the pediatrician, he convinced himself that that of the legs is a whim: “It does so only for the taste to let me go crazy!”.
Mattia’s dad has recently changed work and is absent from home more often, while the child started attending the kindergarten.
The experience of the other parents present comes to our aid: a dad hypothesizes that Mattia may have been affected by these changes; Another parent tells of a similar episode referred to his son. Is it a way to communicate a fear in separation from parents and a reassurance request? Strategies are proposed: Dad will build a special illustrated calendar together with Mattia, where to mark when he goes and when he returns from work. Adele, instead of reproaching him because he does not walk, will try to take him in his arms for a stretch, in the journey between home and school. “Mother’s pampering are the best remedy for this kind of pain,” says Safe the next morning looking at Mattia’s eyes.
As for magic, after a few weeks the pain disappears and Mattia returns the Grillo ever.
Understand the deep causes
Mattia’s parents managed to tune in to the particular body language of the child, understanding the need hidden behind the leg pain and finding a correct key observation and intervention. It is good to remember, especially if we talk about a small child, that one state of emotional discomfort, for example a “fear”, is lived without having full awareness of what happens, and often the child cannot express it in words. We can realize how complex the relationship between psyche and body is also referring to our experience as adults: we also physically “feel” of an emotional stress period, despite being more competent than a child in expressing our emotions through verbal language.
Understanding the deep causes of the malaise of a child is not always easy; Sometimes it seems that “nothing functions” and it is feared that the symptoms can chronic in a more serious disorder. The discomfort expressed through the pain of the body, then, could be linked to “difficult” events that affected the family’s family environment, for example mourning, diseases, separations. For parents, talking about some themes, sharing and emotionally welcoming the suffering that even the little ones feel can be complicated, but it is essential not to leave the child only in the moments when he needs a guide that helps him to develop complex realities, to give answers to questions, to feel reassured.
What can we do
Observe the signals, take the child seriously
Once the organic cause has been excluded, the temptation of adults is often to diminish what is happening, thinking that the child consciously ends a certain symptoms. It is good to know that These disorders are not intentionally simulated; Rather, the body becomes the spokesperson for an emotional discomfort that the child cannot interpret and communicate with words.
Another case is the one in which children “pretend” with awareness, for example by mimicking a stomach ache to avoid a boring day of school (who has never tried!?). In similar situations, from parents, we can also close an eye and, every now and then, be at the game …
Take care of the body and emotions
It is important that parents take care not only of physical symptoms, but above all of the emotional discomfort of the childseeking, gently and without forcing, to help him verbalize what is happening. A good method is the personal example: sharing one’s emotions through body language will help the child do the same. Referring to episodes lived in everyday life, for example, the parents could say: “Today I have a great headache, perhaps because I was thinking about something a little sad”, or, “I felt the heart very strong, what a fear you did!”.
Reassure the child and make it the protagonist
Explain how our emotions work, tell that our body speaks to us and playing listening to it reassures the child (often very frightened by what happens to him) and makes him the protagonist, stimulating him in activating his own resources to feel better.
Question
The “problem” is never only of the child, but must always be framed within the relational system in which he lives, first of all the family. It is essential that parents are aware of it and accept to get involvedobserving and reflecting also on their behaviors and confronting those who, outside the family, follow and/or know the experience of the child (teachers, pediatricians …), without however ever delegating their parental role.
Play with the body
In our society, often focused on children’s “mental” performance, recovering the size of the corporeality becomes essential. Playing with the body from an early age helps children to grow in psychic and bodily harmony. Any suggestions? It may seem trivial, but you just need to be able to move freely, explore nature, do and receive cuddles, play to hide, to pretend, play, make music with the body … and all those spontaneous activities with which the little one has the opportunity to express himself.
