The ability to be obedient is a gradual conquest that parents can favor respecting the freedom of action of the child and his choices whenever it is possible to do it. In this way, for the child it will be easier to listen to the wishes of another person
“Yes, mom, I do it immediately!”: All parents and teachers would like to be told these words every time they invite children to tidy up their games or to change activities, but so that this happens it is necessary to perform some preparatory actions. Let’s see what it is.
An inner “master”
Maria Montessori illustrated in a simple and clear way how Obedience is a conquest made of three passages, she defined as “the three degrees of obedience”. The adults are not the only ones to give orders to the child: well before their requests, the little one listens to and instinctively supporting a voice that questions him from his interior. Maria Montessori called this voice the “inner master” of the child, a wise guide who wants to lead him to development, growth, satisfaction and well -being. It is precisely this unconscious voice, which will then take the name of “will”, the first to which the child learns to obey.
The first degree of obedience
Sebastiano is 6 months old, sees a ball and wants to take possession of it at any cost. Here he is to point his feet on the ground, make strength on his arms and dive forward to reach the object of desire. Once approaching, it sinks the face into the soft fabric that surrounds the ball and, happy, it enjoys its conquest. This is one of the first occasions when the child experiences what it means to respond to a will. Growing up, however, things get complicated.
Sebastiano is 2 years old and wants to grab the glass of water on the table. He takes a chair, gets on it, grabs the glass and quenches thirst. Sometimes his projects create “disturbance” to the adults, but Sebastiano does not worry too much.
He is now 3 years old and wants to paint. Take a sheet, a glass, the watercolors and a brush. He paints, leaving some traces of water and color on the ground and a little on his clothes. “Sebastiano, dry on the ground, you have wet” is a request that will find more easily solution if it will be made at the end of the act to paint or before the activity starts.
To learn to obey it is necessary to exercise: The child will try to respond to his desires (sometimes without success), but if adequately stimulated not to give up, and accompanied with useful suggestions, he will live in the “desire-aggree-care” sequence. This is the conquest of the first degree of obedience, in which the little one learns to respond to his own will: he knows how to recognize what he wants and how to act to get it.
The second degree of obedience
Only after this step, which is completed around 2 years, the child is ready to practice conquest of the second degree of obedience, or to respond to the will of others. In this phase of “training”, which lasts indicatively from 2 to 4 years old, he tries to act in response to the requests of the greats, giving up their will: “Go get your clothes and wear them, please”; “Collect what has fallen”; “Place the book and go to open the door, please.” But this does not always happen: its disposition to collaborate, in fact, can depend on some factors. Let’s see them:
- Comprehensibility of the request. What is asked of the child should be adapted to his skills of understanding and action, and communicated with clarity and simplicity exhibition. Asking a 3 -year -old boy from tidying up the room could be too complex, but asking him to store the buildings inside the box that we are holding in hand can be an appropriate request.
- Level of sacrifice required. If the child is carrying out an activity with great concentration and interest, it will be much more difficult to direct it towards another action. Let’s say that you are washing your hands; In this case it would be appropriate to wait for it to end before asking him to sit at the table.
- Psycho-physical condition. It would be appropriate to make requests when the baby is rested, satio, serene and not angry; In this way it will be easier to obtain his collaboration.
- Possibility to follow one’s will. The child should be able to do what he wants, obviously always respecting rules and limits. Around 5-6 years of age, he will be able to respond to the will of others without great effort, partially and temporarily renouncing his wishes for the good of the group (family or school who is).
The third degree of obedience
Maria Montessori suggests that the path on the road of obedience does not end here: the child wants to go further, towards the third degree. During the primary school period, in fact, The little one projects his interest in others, the community, participation and collaborationfinding a source of joy and satisfaction on these occasions. He wishes to obey an adult who admires and who considers bearer of knowledge and knowing, because he knows that he will have the opportunity to learn new things that will grow him. The greats must be aware of the enormous power they possess and the responsibility that follows: they will effortlessly obtain what they ask and it is therefore important to weigh the requests.
The possibility of training
A child who does not know what he wants or how to get what he wants to hardly be an obedient child. The conquests, in fact, are progressive: a self -confident child, capable of responding to his feeling and who lives in an environment with linear rules (that is, where the rules are help to life and not a punishment), he can learn to listen to another voice. To encourage all this, His freedom of action and his choices should be respected every time possible, allowing him to do what he wants and he feels the need (respecting the rules). In this way we will give him the opportunity to train properly, in the awareness that when we interrupt him and direct his acting it will be only because he cannot do without it.
