“Love goes fast and you’re back.”
The words of Tiziano Ferro’s song are useful to describe the cognitive world of a person with ADHD. An accelerated world. Hyperactivity attention deficit disorder is a neurodactiveness characterized by a persistent carelessness pattern, hyperactivity and impulsiveness that has a significant impact on daily life.
Difficulty in paying attention to details, difficulty in focusing on tasks that require prolonged mental effort, difficulty in organizing complex activities, motor restakingness, memory deficit, impulsiveness in thoughts and actions can interfere with daily activities At school, at work, but also in emotional and relational life.
The symptoms of the ADHD can make people’s relational journey with this disorder complex and troubled, which have a greater risk of incurring divorce situations (Anh-Lucu T. Huynh-Hohnbaum & Benowitz, 2023).
In this contribution we will try to describe challenges, criticality and possible couples strategies who face the ADHD.
ADHD and love relationships: how disorder can affect couple life
How does the ADHD impact in social and couple relationships?
Deficit of executive functions, of the inhibitory control capacity and attention functions represent the main characteristics of this neurodactiveness, which may have effects on life as a couple.
Partner with ADHD can present themselves distracted, forgetful, disorganizedin difficulty in assuming responsibility and commitments towards the other person and in communicating. They may have exaggerated emotional reactions, losing control, saying or impulsively doing something that seriously damages the relationship (Robin & Payson, 2002). The differences in cognitive and emotional processes can induce the feeling of being neglected or not loved by neurotypical partners.
ADHD and difficulty in the couple
Neurotypical partners can interpret the forgetfulness, communication gaps and impulsiveness of the partners with ADHD as signs of disinterest and neglect.
What aspects can ADHD and sentimental relationships make a potentially explosive mixture?
The researchers Robin & Payson (2002) underline the following aspects:
- communication difficulties that may suggest the feeling of not being listened to when talking to the partner or that the things said are not remembered
- poor ability to complete tasks which require organization, such as the deadlines of everyday life
- Difficulty in the management of timing who lead people not to act until the deadline is approaching by hypothesizing the partner that it is disinterest
- disorganization which leads to leaving disorder and confusion at home
- emotional reactivity with the expression of frustration.
Being paired with a person with ADHD: possible challenges for the partner
The perception that the partner with ADHD makes and always repeats the same errors, can lead the other person to experiment with a significant emotional load ending up for compromise the stability of the couple. The difficulty in reversing the tendency and producing changes can convince the fact that the partner does not attribute importance to feelings, needs, concrete needs expressed by the other person.
The confusion and disorder that can be created in domestic environments, together with the deadlines imposed by everyday life constantly not respected, can Put patience and endurance to the test of the neurotypical partner. Can be generated imbalances in the distribution of tasks And in roles. The load in terms of support and assistance to the partner and the couple can in fact make people feel more than parents as life companions.
Some subjects with ADHD benefit from particularly structured, predictable and repetitive environments and situations. This necessity can cozzate with the need for spontaneity and variety that allows the neurotypical partner to perceive the couple as a dynamic, alive and growing in comparison with change.
ADHD in reports: possible strategies for a more balanced life of couple
A first aspect of fundamental importance is represented by a correct diagnosis of ADHD. Starting from this first step, paths of taking charge can be developed which provide for reflection about tools and strategies capable of develop a greater balance in the couple. Among these stand out:
- Techniques and tools for the management of times, commitments, deadlines (applications, agendas, calendars, IT tools)
- Strategies to encourage memory and memory (cognitive stimulation exercises)
- tools and exercises to develop shared attention, concentration and listening skills (games, cognitive stimulation activities, viewing of films, artistic activities)
- Techniques that favor awareness, emotional regulation and limited impulsiveness in agita and speech, such as Mindfulness (Househam & Solanto, 2016)
- aware of the emotional and cognitive automatisms that lead the subject with ADHD to repeat “the usual errors” (Robin & Payson, 2002) without these being interpreted as disinterest in the relationships and lack of affection
- techniques that favor clear, direct and effective communication in the expression of emotions, needs and needs
- Possible use of couple therapy as a space for analysis, deepening and transformation of experiences moved by the presence of neurodactiveness in the relationship.
ADHD and sentimental relationships: a possible challenge
The impact of the ADHD on the life of the couple can be strong and put the relationship to the test. A path of psychological support or psychotherapy can be useful for:
- frame the neurodactiveness from a diagnosis and treatment point of view
- suggest strategies for the management of symptoms, improvement of expression and emotional regulation and communication
- Promote awareness about mutual cognitive and emotional operating methods and the needs connected to them.
A challenge, that of the ADHD in relationships, which can therefore be addressed without the fast trend of love in the neurodactiveness to make the partner left behind by compromising the life of the couple. In this context, a psychologist can clarify many doubts and support partners in daily challenges.
