Fairy tales of all time and place are not just an entertainment tool for children: they also contain complex reflections on parenting
The fairy tale has always been a narrative tool with an extraordinary communicative power: it is capable of reaching every recipient, regardless of the age or socio -cultural affiliation. Generally considered a simple childhood entertainment, The fairy tale is actually able to communicate training messages to adults also And, in particular, to today’s parents (1). Here are some examples.
Each child is unique: Pollicino’s lesson
The theme of birth is universally present in fairy tales, but there is an aspect that emerges with great frequency, that is the arrival of a child, often after a long and tormented expectation, which does not correspond to the desires parents. Fairy tales like Thumb Of the Grimm brothers (2), for example, they insist on this theme: a couple who ardently want a child and, after so many prayers, sees the intimate desire for parenting, but the little one differs from expectations.
The fairy tale, in its metaphorical language, gives voice to one of the most usual and natural concerns of the parental couple, that is to say the possibility that the child is very different from how he imagined it, thus causing feelings of disappointment and frustration. Even the dimensions of Pollicino are, of course, metaphorical and represent precisely the fear of not being up to the expectations of the parents, for example of not being beautiful, intelligent, capable.
However, in the fairy tale of Pollicino, the parents experience a natural feeling of acceptance of the child for what it really is, They love him and welcome him from the beginning in his peculiarity. Among other things, in his incredible adventures, Pollicino shows that he has excellent skills, in spite of his tiny stature.
The fairy tale gives voice to a parenting marked not only to the acceptance of the child with all its characteristics, but also to the transmission of trust in one’s own potential. Educating a child means first of all accepting its uniqueness and, starting from this, guide him to discover the world: Each child is unique and unrepeatable, and not everyone arrives at the same time at the same goal.
Someone anticipates certain stages (for example language, walking, physiological autonomies), someone else needs a little more time, but it doesn’t mean it won’t get there. It may be that that child, at that moment, is focusing on other aspects of development, or that it even monsters skillful skills on different fronts. In any case, it is only in respect for personal times and rhythmsas well as in the enhancement of the specificity of the child, which a parent fully performs its educational function.
Golden feather and the importance of the rules
Parenting does not obviously end in the generation of a child: A much more complex challenge is educationunderstood as a reasoned and aware process and accompaniment of the child to life.
The fairy tale of Luigi Capuana Golden feather (3) faces some complicated nodes of the parents-child report, particularly current in the education of the new generations. The fundamental theme is in fact the importance of the rules, intended as a “container” fundamental for growth. Today we speak in this regard of “Permissivist model”to indicate those families unable to establish a regulatory system that regulates the child’s behaviors: establishing clear and consistent rules, knowing how to refuse some requests if necessary, prohibit certain behaviors, clarify and share the distribution of power can fear not to be loved enough and not to be good parents.
In the fairy tale Golden feathera king and a queen are in love with their child, a golden feather, beautiful, but impunity capricious, spiteful and selfish. They forgive them every marachella, trivializing her wrongdoings. Golden feather will be punished and will turn into a beautiful lighter girl than a feather, materially unable to keep your feet on the ground and continuously exposed to the risk of being swept away by the wind: feather is an evocative metaphor that refers not only to lightness, but also to the fragility of those who have not received the right regulatory containment. The lack of precise rules and borders makes the subject fragile and disorientedunable to understand which direction to take and reduced to twisted with any breath of wind, just as golden feather.
However difficult and tiring is often, Establishing rules that the child must learn to respect is a fundamental aspect of educationparallel and complementary to the bond of love and trust: he also loves with the rules, indeed orientation with patience and authority the development of the child is a great proof of love of the parent.
“Fairytale” brothers between rivalry and complicity
The birth of other children requires new evolutionary tasks to the parental couple: if on the one hand the parents have already experienced the event of birth and have developed their parental skills, on the other they find themselves having to face the relational dynamics between brothers for the first time. The relationship between brothers are a “social gym” of great importance for the childcharacterized by intense and contrasting emotions.
The relationship between brothers, in fact, allows you to do simultaneously experiences of conflict and cooperation, opposition and sharing. Parents have the task of monitoring the development of fraternal relationships, stimulating negotiation “exercises” and without denying the growth opportunities offered by conflict dynamics. The conflict, in fact, is a physiological element of the relationships between children, both friendly and fraternal, is a way, that is, inevitable to enter into relationships with peers. Situations of opposition and opposition are a precious opportunity to learn interaction and cooperation strategies.
Although the dynamics of conflict between brothers are often very tiring to manage for parents, We should try to take on a longer -term perspective: without the possibility of experiencing situations of opposition, the child will never be able to refine skills such as collaboration and mediation, fundamental in all ages of life.
For this reason it is necessary minimize their interventions In conflicts between children, avoiding, for example, to intrude before understanding if the contenders will be able to get to a solution on their own, or to impose peace without having had the opportunity to express their reasons. The idea that the “good children” are never the children who never argue.
It is the task of the adult to take on a role of mediator and facilitator of communication: First of all, asking the interested parties to speak and express their reasons mutually, to clarify and also manifest the emotions associated with the clash (“How did I feel when you said or did this?”), In order to encourage the development of empathy; Finally, supporting them in the search for the best solution for everyone.
The value of the treatment: Mpipids and the Motlopi tree
Fairy tales around the world regularly speak of more or less happy relationships between brothers. Probably the most impressed traditional fairy tales in our memory are those that tell of brotherhood reports marked by competition, invidia and betrayal. There are many fairy tales in which characters annoyed by the beauty, value, brother’s skills (or sister) appear and who use every strategy to annihilate or damage it.
However, there are also many fairy tales that speak to us of extraordinary relationships of affection, solidarity and collaboration between brothers. Among these, a beautiful fairy tale, of African origin, entitled Mpipids and the Motlopi tree (3), tells of theintimate desire of a child to have a little sisterdespite already having a younger brother.
Nature seems to listen to this secret desire and mpipids, while she is grazing with cows, finds a newborn baby in the thick of the woods. It is not known where it comes from, but its name – Keneilwe, that is, “she who is donated” – suggests a special origin. The fairy tale tells, with great delicacy, the care relationship of this older brother towards the “little sister”, who nourishes and protects secretly. When Mpipid’s parents discover the secret, the girl will officially become part of the family.
Messages that cross the times and cultures
To conclude, The fairy tales of all time and every culture are very rich in training messages for today’s adults. In particular, the theme of parenting, with which human beings have always had to compare, occurs frequently and is faced with great honesty, showing not only the pleasant and idealized aspects of motherhood and paternity, but also all the nodes of criticality and difficulties that this phase of life entails.
