Until not long ago, the Western family found its foundations in the couple who took care of the children. Over the last decades this configuration has taken on various forms and we can no longer speak of ‘family’ in a single sense, but of different family configurations:
- single parent
- homoparental
- enlarged
- without children
- without a marriage contract.
These changes in the socio-cultural context, but above all the comparison with social prejudice and past beliefs, contribute to creating a widespread individual and social fragilitywhich is reflected in all dimensions of daily life.
Raising a child means welcoming change
In these conditions, if there are no parents capable of maintaining emotional continuity, children can manifest blocks in the growth process, feel fragile and experience great loneliness.
It can be difficult for parents to understand the psychology of the adolescent, to reconcile individual needs, requirements and commitments with educational and social responsibilities, even more so if it is a single-parent family. This can trigger a sense of inadequacy and helplessness.
In particular, the changes of adolescence can cause family conflicts, anxieties and fears which manifest themselves in a new and unknown context and call the parent to a new relational contract.
Types and causes of single-parent families
The single-parent families they can arise from very different situations. Understanding the causes can help grasp the complexity of these nuclei and avoid generalizations.
Among the main types and causes we find:
- Separation or divorce: It is the most frequent cause, in which one of the two parents takes responsibility for raising the children after the end of the couple’s relationship.
- Widowhood: In this case, the loss of a partner leads the surviving parent to take care of the children alone.
- Individual choice: Some people consciously choose to become single parents, for example through adoption or assisted reproduction.
- Absence of one of the parents: It can derive from work reasons, migration or situations of abandonment.
Each of these situations involves specific challenges, both from an emotional and organizational point of view, and can influence the growth path of adolescents in different ways.
Single-parent families in Italy: data and characteristics
The single-parent families represent an increasingly widespread reality in the Italian social panorama. According to ISTAT data from 2022, approximately 20% of families with minor children are made up of a single parent, with a prevalence of single mothers compared to fathers.
This family type is more concentrated in large cities and in the Central-Northern regions, where there is also a greater presence of support services. However, single-parent families are exposed to a higher risk of poverty than traditional families: according to the Openpolis 2023 report, 42% of single mothers with minor children are in conditions of economic vulnerability.
These data underline the importance of recognizing the specificities and challenges that characterize single-parent families, both from a social and psychological point of view.
The role of the parent and the adolescent
In the parent-child couple in which there is only one parent available for the relationship, it can be particularly complex for the adolescent to free himself from the family context. Adolescence is not only an evolutionary task of children: parents must also move from being parents of a child to becoming those of an adolescent who needs to feel happy with his detachment and with the experiences he can have regardless of them.
Narcissistic investment and object investment
In the essay “Introduction to Narcissism” Freud speaks of “double investment” referring precisely to the investment that a parent makes in his child and defines it as narcissistic because it initially refers to the self and then involves and considers the other. These two investments are not antagonistic, but complementary, concomitant and inseparable. The “double investment” theorized by Freud passes from immaturity to maturity to merge into a single bond in which narcissistic love progressively leaves room for object love.
Fusionality and evolutionary block: what solutions?
When taking care of a child fills parental gaps, giving up narcissistic gratification can become difficult and the parent can unconsciously ask the child to ‘stay small.'” In this way we transform into helicopter parents, overprotective figures who end up limiting autonomy and blocking the process of identifying the child.
At the same time, the child can also unconsciously take on the parent’s needs, sacrificing his own growth. This evolutionary block it can become harmful for both. In these cases, adolescence seems to cause a deep laceration that needs to be healed.
Single-parent families and other nuclear families: a comparison
The single-parent families they differ from other types of families in some key characteristics that can influence the growth of adolescents.
- Economic resources: Single-parent families often have only one income, which can increase the risk of financial hardship compared to two-parent families.
- Support network: The presence of only one adult can make it more complex to manage daily needs and emergencies, while in extended families or with more adults the support network is generally broader.
- Roles and responsibilities: In single-parent families, the parent finds himself covering multiple roles at the same time (educational, emotional, organisational), with a greater emotional and practical load.
- Relational dynamics: The absence of a second parent can be associated with a more intense and, sometimes, more symbiotic relationship between parent and child, with the risk of developmental difficulties if the adolescent’s autonomy is not promoted.
These differences do not necessarily imply negative outcomes, but may require greater awareness and attention to the specific needs of each nucleus.
Therapeutic help
There function of the therapist it can be shared by parent and child at the same time, representing for the first time what has been missing in their life: the presence of a third party. With the help of a therapist, both can begin to understand that they can live apart.
A “tailored” therapy
Choosing therapy is not a simple decision, because it must be tailor-made to respond to the peculiarities of each situation. The possibility of accessing the “new” can also be achieved thanks to the opportunities that arise in real life.
When the transition from childhood to adolescence follows a natural path, everyone maintains their own subjectivity within a common path, because the parent has accepted the child’s growth and experiences it as rewarding.
Practical strategies for single parents of teenagers
Coping with raising a teenager in a single-parent family can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help manage daily difficulties and promote the well-being of the entire family.
- Cultivate a support network: Seeking support from family, friends or self-help groups can lighten the emotional and practical burden on the parent.
- Open communication: Maintaining a sincere and respectful dialogue with the adolescent can help strengthen mutual trust and prevent misunderstandings.
- Establish clear routines and rules: Offering stable points of reference promotes a sense of security and helps the adolescent develop autonomy.
- Take care of yourself: Dedicating time to one’s own psychophysical well-being allows the parent to be more present and available in times of difficulty.
- Seek professional help when necessary: Contacting a psychologist or a therapist can be an important step in dealing with situations of discomfort or conflict, both for the parent and for the adolescent.
These strategies, inspired by international best practices, can be adapted to the specific needs of each family, promoting a peaceful and respectful growth climate.
Taking care of yourself and your family: a step towards change
Facing the challenges of a single-parent family, especially during children’s adolescence, can require courage, awareness and the ability to ask for help when necessary. You are not alone on this journey: psychological support can help offer a safe space in which to find balance, serenity and new strategies for your well-being and that of those you love. If you feel the need for tailor-made support for you and your family, Evidence Network is here to help you. Start the questionnaire to find your psychologist online and discover how a psychological journey can accompany you towards a more serene and aware everyday life.
