How to behave in front of aggressive children? What are the most appropriate educational strategies? Trying to understand the reasons behind violent behavior is the first step in solving the problem
THE aggressive childrenwith their behaviors, often worry adults, who do not rarely react in turn with aggression. This, however, is not a good solution. As we will see, for effectively manage the aggression of children It should be understood first of all where it derives from and maintaining a calm and welcoming attitude.
THE aggressive behavior in children They usually appear in 1 and 2 years, to continue, sometimes, up to the preschool age and even beyond. Bites, pulled hair, blows inflicted with peers and, perhaps, to parents … but What are the reasons behind theinfantile aggression? And how can they help us, with aggressive children, psychology and pedagogy?
Causes of aggression in children
It is good to say immediately that the aggressive behavior in children they are never free or unmotivatedIndeed, their origins can be complex and different.
But let’s take a step back and try to understand where theinfantile aggression.
During the evolutionary age the prefrontal cortexthat is, the area of the brain that has a central role, among other things, in the regulation of emotions and in the control of behavior, is still deeply immature. This means that for young children it is difficult to control their impulses and express and effectively regulate their emotions. It may therefore happen that a child, living a particularly intense emotional state e not knowing how to manage that emotionends up venting one’s frustration “physically”.
In these cases, an emotional state of de-regulation is at the origin of aggressive behavior. However, it is not a question of the only possible cause; equally frequent causes are:
- excessive sensorial stimulation;
- teething pain;
- attempts to sensory exploration (often at the origin of the bites);
- self -defense;
- The desire to understand the cause-effect mechanisms (“What happens if I do this?”).
Beyond the causes, it is important to understand that when a child is aggressive he is reporting that something is Out of its control And who needs help to find balance.
Keeping calm is the best answerbecause the child will also be allowed to reassure himself faster.
Aggressive children and violent children: is it the same?
The terms “violence” and “aggression” indicate something very different. To be able to talk about “violence” There is it that there is the will aware of causing damage or discomfort to others. According to the pedagogist Daniele Novara, however, before 7 years of age it is not possible to speak of “intentionality of the violent act”, and therefore let alone “violent child”. Real grudge or violence do not exist in the first years of lifeand up to 10 years of age, really dangerous behaviors are really rare.
In the event that a child, for example in school age, puts on several times classifiable behaviors as violentit is of central importance that the adults involved perform an accurate analysis of the situation. Understanding the causes at the origin of the conduct of a “violent child” (dysfunctional family dynamics, inadequate consumption of the media …) is essential to design and implement effective interventions.
Children who beat
Aggression can take many different forms. There may be, for example, the “maneasco” child who beats their peers, and in some cases it even happens that children beat themselves.
In front of gods Children who are beaten It is certainly important to intervene in a decisive way to end the inadequate conduct. The order is restored, however, instead of punishing or resuming the quarrels, they should be shown “allies”, helping them to communicate and accompany them to a positive solution and towards more effective ways to enter into relationships.
Even in the case of Children who beat themselves The most effective intervention is the one aimed at stop actionto then help the child find, by listening and closeness, his emotional balance. However, these are behaviors that tend to naturally disappear over timeas the baby acquires new skills that allow him to better regulate his emotions and to control his behavioral reactions, without letting himself be overwhelmed by frustration.
Aggressive children at home and school
It may also happen that children show themselves aggressive towards parents. If the children are aggressive with mom or with the Pope First of all, not to neglect your role of behavioral model: if a slap reacts with another slap, with a threat or with a rough sound, the baby is continued to expose to a violent. The possibilities will increase that children, over time, become increasingly aggressive.
A Child beating mom It does not act out of malice or by spite. He does it because He cannot express a need or emotionand therefore reacts instinctively. Instead of judging or punishing, parents should show firmness and, at the same time, remain respectful and present. Better to stop aggressive behavior with a clear and authoritative “no”.
There are no prolisse explanationswhich often the little ones are unable to follow. We make the child understand that we understand his emotion, but we reiterate with a few simple words that acting that way It hurts mom, or dadand which therefore is an unacceptable conduct. We could say, for example: «I see that you are really angry! But if you hit me, you hurt me. I can’t let him do it ».
Rather than focusing on behavior (the bite, the slap …), We shift attention to what could hide (what emotion or need). We leave aside the frustration and communicate to the child that we understand his needs, but that it is important to find, together, other strategies to express them.
Finally, it should be noted that it happens that for play the parents “pinch” or give small bites to their children. Well, it is ahabit to avoid: Even if you do it slowly, even if you do it to joke, you are transmitting the message that such gestures are eligible.
What to do, however, if the children are violent to kindergarten or kindergarten? To tell the truth, it is quite common to come across aggressive children to the nursery and kindergarten: there are very few classes in which there is not at least one “bobbin” or a “hair rack”. Nothing to worry about: up to a certain level, aggression at this phase of development is completely normal.
As we said, the prefrontal cortex is still not very advanced, which makes children difficult to control their impulses and regulate moods; Not knowing how to manage a strong emotion (anger, jealousy, frustration …), it is normal for i children become violent in class And they end up biting or hitting a partner.
In these cases, it is good to intervene by taking care of both the “attacked” and of the “aggressor”. After checking that the affected child is fine, It will also help the child who inflicted the blow: ignore him or punish him, in fact, would lead him only to close himself in himself, while the goal must certainly remain clearly tracing the border between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors, but also discover the inner motivations of the baby. Only in this way will it be possible to help him.
What if children are violent in elementary school?
Growing up children acquire new skills cognitive, linguistic, emotional and social. They learn to better regulate their impulses and maintain self -control, favoring the verbal channel than the physical one. However, it may still happen that they adopt aggressive behavior, and therefore prove themselves violent Also at the elementary school. That what to do?
At this age, theintervention of the adult It is the best solution. As Daniele Novara suggests, conflicts are not, in itself, something negative. If the children, in fact, learn to “quarry well“, Over time they will acquire more and more tools to manage difficulty situations and solve them without having to resort to aggression.
Even if a child be often Violent in classlabeling it or punishing it is not needed. Rather, It is important that the Educational figures of reference (Parents and teachers) Compare themselves and, working in synergy, question the possible, different causes at the origin of the behavior. Important changes in family life (for example the arrival of a new member, a separation or mourning), difficulty in establishing ties with their peers or the lack of adequate stimuli in the educational context could lead children to be aggressive in class. Observe the child in the different life contexts It will be decisive to understand the type of support you need.
Educational strategies
The best educational strategies For aggressive childrentherefore, are the ones who aim to help them express their experiences and needs without this involving hurting others.
In order to intervene effectively on aggressive behavior it is important understand its triggering causes. If, for example, it was discovered that aggressive behaviors appear above all in conjunction with moments of transition, the most effective educational strategies will be those times a Establish daily routineslike the use of cards illustrated to make the phases of the day more “readable”.
If, on the other hand, it is observed that some violent behaviors are due to an accumulation of adrenaline, to excessive excitement or a strong emotion difficult to express in words, the manipulation (with salt dough, sand, clay …) represent a good solution: they offer a pleasant sensory stimulation, with a calming effect, and allow you to positively direct your energies, avoiding that they lead to aggression or violence.
In addition to educational strategies Sometimes to prevent the manifestation of aggressive behavior, it is important to know how to act when you are faced with such behaviors. In particular, it is necessary to:
- immediately mark the limit, blocking behavior with loving firmness;
- grant the child of the time to calm downoffering him reassurance, emotional closeness and, if requested, also physical;
- help the baby a translate the emotion or need into words which caused that behavior;
- reasoning together on alternative methods to resolve the malaise without having to resort to aggression.
Very important, it is good to reiterate it, it will be the team game between school and family, so that the interventions are synergistic.
A child who is accompanied in a Introspection pathto recognize and aware of his emotions and deep needs and needs, he will become a respectful adult, capable of wanting to love himself and establishing healthy relationships with others.
