It is good to deal with care and attention the delicate topic of the development of sexuality in children, too often taboo for adults, because it constitutes a fundamental stage of growth
Hi, I’m a mother subscribed to your magazine for four years now and I have two children.
I am writing to you because I would like to have your opinion on a theme that concerns sex education and that puts me a lot in crisis: my daughter’s self -eroticism.
She is 7 years old and attends the first grade, and during the time she is sitting in the classroom, “consoles” herself rocking on the chair. The teachers say that it happens in alternate phases (sometimes he does it more and other less) and that in these cases they tend to distract her because they stop, or ask her to go to the bathroom or take a ride. It seems that you understand not rarely to the girls of his age, but I am not quiet at all. Is it the symptom of a discomfort? Do you do it because it needs to estrange itself from the situation? Maybe I’m not quite careful? Did he have emotional deficiencies when he was smaller or is his brother jealous?
At school it is fine, it is happy to us and she is a curious and enthusiastic girl. At home he never does it, or rather, he did it in the past, when he was very small – on the high chair – and then when the little brother was born (she was 2 and a half years old) she started again at the nursery school, in a more or less swinging way.
I would not like to “psychologize it” and not even make it feel guilty of something that represents a taboo for us adults, but at the same time I would not want to neglect what could be interpreted as a request for attention. For a few weeks I have made her do foot reflexology massages. I also thought about Bach flowers … what do you recommend?
Thanks, friendly
Stefania
Very kind Stefania,
The use of autoeroticism is not necessarily the symptom of a pathology or a psychic or emotional imbalance; Very often it is simply the discovery of a tool that is masters and which can be used as needed. It is certain, however, that auto -eroticism makes adults uncomfortable because often it is not known how to deal with this topic. Actually It is a normal stage of the development of every human being.
Break
In particular, when autoeroticism becomes consolation in moments of boredom, in class or in other environments that are not the domestic one, we feel obliged to take measures.
The teachers of his daughter have already adopted the only system with which it is possible to break the boredom: distracting the girl from what she is doing means giving her the opportunity to overcome that moment of frustration and lack of alternatives she is experiencing. There are actually many cases of boys and girls who just in school, where the body is necessarily obliged to immobility and where the ability to decide what to do is very low, they incur the auto -eroticism to overcome the sense of frustration that pervades them.
What to do in these cases? And where to look for a solution?
Infantile autoeroticism: how to behave?
The thing to avoid, by far, is to reproach the girl or take her back. The risk is to compromise the development of a very important part which is the sexual sphere and the approach to sexuality, if not sexuality itself.
I also recommend an analysis of your day, trying to verify how much time dedicates to the girl and how. This is because sometimes, even if we parents have the impression of giving our children our best, it happens that the way they read our actions does not correspond to what we have in mind.
The first advice that I give it is that of get a space dedicated to the girl every day. Especially in the evening. Very often those who have two children do things in battery: everyone takes a shower, all to give their bed, all to dress and so on. For a period, you could distinguish the most personal moments, such as the shower and putting in bed, so that mom or dad are exclusive of a single child. Dedicating all our attention to one child gives us the opportunity to bring serenity to each and balance between childrenwho will feel satisfied with their parents and will not trigger the spring of jealousy.
The theme of intimacy
With sweetness, perhaps with the support of some texts on the subject, in those moments of exclusivity the theme must be addressed in intimacy within the domestic walls, precisely to indicate the fact that there are spaces and places for everything. The girl is 7 years old, so she is able to understand the importance of social rules: All men have agreed because some things do when they are alone. The pee and the poop are made in the bathroom; You don’t put your fingers in the nose (but if we really need it, you do it in the bathroom and then you wash your hands); We cannot always say what comes to mind; You wash yourself in the bathroom; you sleep at night; The bicycle is used outdoors and play with your body in your home. It is important that such an embarrassing topic for the adult is brought back to what it actually is: a stage of the life of each man different from age and awareness.
Children are not made of body and all aspects of their being require care and attention.
