By now the clues are everywhere: the playlist of your trusted cafeteria fills with family jings, the shops are tinged with red and gold, the Christmas lights illuminate your evening journey and even cinemas seem to compete with those who offer the most sugary comedy of the year.
Christmas is upon us. This feast, which for many means family findings, for others translates into a series of reflections on traditions, generational changes and the sense of belonging.
In this period we are immersed between lights and Christmas melodies and science reveals that these elements are not only decorative, but real catalysts of emotions. A study has shown that when perfumes and music typical of Christmas combine harmoniously, they have the power to improve our mood and to make us perceive the environment as more welcoming (Spangenberg et al., 2005).
It is no coincidence, therefore, that these atmospheres have the almost magical power to transport us into the spirit of the holidays, in the memories and in the sensations related to the season.
Between tradition and change
Participating in Christmas rituals, such as family lunches and dinners, can make us feel happier and connected to others (Páez et al., 2011). However, these moments are not without risk.
Discussions or tensions At the table they can transform the climate into the family, bringing out less pleasant emotions. Although participation in Christmas family celebrations is associated with an increase in subjective well -being, the perception of a better climate and greater social support, situations of family conflict during these meetings can have a negative impact on the emotional well -being and on the general satisfaction of the holidays.
If for our grandparents Christmas was synonymous with immutable ritesfor our generation it often turns into a comparison, not always requested, with less traditional choices of life.
More possibilities albeit less sure, alternative choices and personal rhythms can be a wealth for us, but they can be difficult to understand for those who grew up with more defined tracks.
It is in this context that the Modern thirty -year -old He finds himself living Christmas as a carousel of emotions. A mix of heat, nostalgia and a pinch of anxiety for the inevitable curious and sometimes indiscreet questions about work and relationships.
In these situations, the type plays an important role. It happens to women more often to receive questions about the family sphere, as “when will you become grandparents?”. Men, on the other hand, tend to hear more pressure on a professional level: “When will you decide to do seriously with work?”.
A study (Kasser & Sheldon, 2002) suggests that these expectations can influence the experience of Christmas: those who focus on family and spiritual aspects tend to live the holidays with greater serenity, while those who feel immersed in materialistic or social pressures risk to get out more stressed.
Christmas, therefore, is a dance between tradition and change, between the affection of the ties and the inevitable tensions. With a pinch of irony and some communicative strategy, however, it is possible to face even the most demanding lunches without losing the smile.
Christmas at thirty years: an imaginary documentary
The scene opens on a typical Italian living room, where the tree sparkles and the scent of cinnamon and roast mixes with the atmosphere of anticipation. Christmas is the perfect time to observe closely group dynamics: warm smiles, curious questions, and some rare but unmistakable gaze of nervousness.
The thirty year old single
Dressed with a sweater that transmits security, the thirty year old single He moves between the pack carefully, but not quickly enough to avoid his aunt.
“But isn’t there any special really? Come on, you’re so brilliant. ” A forced smile, a vague answer: “Eh, at this moment I am concentrated on something else”, and the prey is looking for a refuge in the kitchen, perhaps near the dessert table.
But the pack is insidious. The married cousin launches a affectionate, but relentless joke: “Come on, next Christmas bring us a surprise!”. Our protagonist breathes, aware that the conversation is only at the beginning.
The child without children
Not far away, other individuals are in the spotlight: i thirty -year -olds in pairsnot married and without children. In two, yes, but never sheltered from the crossed fire. “So when do you all invite us to the wedding?”, I ask with innocent enthusiasm the harm.
Before our thirty -year -old can answer, the second wave arrives: “And the children? You don’t want to wait too much, right? “. Our hero knows that, after all, these questions conceal affectionate curiosity, but every now and then a smile of circumstance is the only possible answer.
The thirty year old LGBTQIA+
Now the camera moves decisively to another figure: the thirty year old who is part of the LGBTQIA+ community. For those who have not yet had the opportunity to openly share this part of their life with all those present, the focus is to maintain serenity, answering the most generic questions naturally and without feeling forced to reveal aspects that does not feel ready to share.
For those who, on the other hand, have already done coming out, each family can represent a unique context, with different shades. Some relatives, such as younger cousins, could welcome the conversation with genuine curiosity and without prejudice, while others, such as uncles or grandparents, could still be in a phase of understanding and adaptation.
Maybe the theme is avoided, but it is still tried to demonstrate support with a smile or an affectionate gesture. It is a dynamic that evolves with the time and availability of all parties to grow together, to build a more inclusive and respectful family atmosphere.
The digital nomadic
Finally, here he is: the thirty year old he did Alternative life choices. The camera follows him while, between a bite of panettone and a toast, does he calmly answer questions such as: “So work from home? What does digital nomade mean? But … how do you live like this? “.
A smile, a short explanation on how the “permanent place” is no longer a mandatory stop, and the thirty year old resumes his place at the table, while some relative remains perplexed. But be careful: not all the pack is critical. The younger ones listen to with interest, perhaps imagining that that freedom can be an option for them too.
These scenes, dear spectators, are nothing more than a tasting of the Christmas complexities. Confronting with different expectations, curious questions and unsolicited opinions is a universal challenge, and every thirty year old he faces it in his own way.
Living these situations with serenity is possible and the next segment will show us a precious strategy: the art of assertive communication.
Assertive rights under the tree
During a Christmas dinner, in the middle of chatter, laughter and curious questions, applying assertive rights can be a great way to navigate family dynamics without stress.
The assertive language It is a way of communicating that allows you to express your thoughts, emotions and needs in a clear, direct and respectful way, without ignoring the rights and feelings of others.
Being assertive means finding a balance between passivity (not expressing what you think) and aggression (imposing one’s opinion without considering others). In practice, assertiveness allows say what you think without fearremaining kind and respectful, avoiding conflicts and misunderstandings, maintaining a good relationship with others.
Here’s how to adapt the decalogue of assertive rights to the Christmas holidays, without losing the good mood.
- If someone asks you when you start family, remember that until you break the freedom of others, you are the only person who can decide what is right for you. There is no right or wrong answer, only your truth. You are the only one to be able judge yourself
- If you have chosen not to go home for Christmas or to live away, you have the opportunity not to give elaborate explanations. Your life is yours, every choice is legitimate and you have the right not to offer reasons or excuses for justify your behavior
- The intrusive questions about your future plans can be a little too much. Remember that you don’t always have the obligation to solve problems and existential dilemmas of othersnot even at Christmas
- You have decided not to talk about a delicate topic at the table, but if the conversation takes a turn that makes you uncomfortable, you have the freedom to change the subject, without feeling guilty. You have the right to change your mind and opinion
- If during dinner you realize you have said something too much, don’t worry. You have the right to make mistakes, take on your responsibilities, apologize and continue with serenity
- If you feel unprepared on a topic of complex discussion, it is very good to say “I don’t know” instead of trying to respond by force
- Remember that it is not always necessary to justify your decisions and that, at times, our behaviors, even the illogical ones, responded to legitimate needs
- If someone asks you non -clear questions about your life choices, there is nothing wrong with say you don’t understand. Sometimes, relatives are also lost in their own speeches
- When the speech takes too heavy or intrusive, you always have the possibility of say you don’t care without having to enter the details
- If you have need some space Or simply of a change of topic, do not hesitate to ask, always with respect. Christmas is also the time to respect one’s limits and needs.
With these rights in mind, facing Christmas family meetings can become an opportunity to express themselves with authenticity, without giving in to the pressure or expectations of others. After all, Christmas is a moment of joy for everyone, but also of mutual respect.
Welcome one’s emotions and live Christmas with serenity
Christmas, with its traditions, expectations and family meetings, can bring with it a wide range of emotions, from the most genuine joys to the moments of stress and experiences of anxiety. In the midst of all this, it is essential to remember that there is not only one right way to live it.
Often, it is ourselves to create expectations too highas if it were mandatory to live the party in a certain way. But welcoming one’s emotions, without judging them, is the first step to experiencing the Christmas period with greater serenity.
We must not feel obliged to follow the script written by others or by tradition. Perhaps, this year, Christmas could be different, and that’s okay. The key lies in knowing how to listen to our emotions, without forcing us to live what does not make us feel serene.
Christmas is an opportunity to make aware choices, to take care of ourselves and to remember that it is good not to be always perfect. There is no need to always be up to the expectations of others: The greatest gift we can do is to welcome ourselves with all our emotions, in every form and at all times, without fear of disappointing anyone, not even ourselves.
