After the requests of some associations that aim to combat ordinary educational violence, the Council of Europe has revised its position on time out, that is, our “Enough, queue in your room!”
For a few days there has been amply discussed on the news, given by the French newspaper Le Figaroaccording to which the Council of Europe he would have forbidden the time out that is, the “Enough, row in your room “.
In 2008 the Council of Europe published some Indications (now updated) on the behaviors to be adopted in front of attitudes Not exactly polite of their children. Recently some associations, including Stop Veo, who acts to combat ordinary educational violence, have requested this European body to review its position on the topic of time out, modifying the booklet that instead encouraged its use.
Today, among the suggestions for onenon -violent educationyou can read: “We must react to incorrect behavior with explanations and in a non -aggressive way, avoiding punishments such as time out”.
Of course it is the debate lit Between those who support this position and those who find it incorrect or exaggerated.
Is the time out really indispensable?
In the various radio broadcasts there was no lack of irony, with the typical observations of the genre “But where we arrived“Or” If we can’t even send them to reflect in their room, how do we educate guys? “, And again:” When they combine it big, are you really enough with kind words? “.
In fact they are right. Thinking about the idea of education that most people have, it is not possible to eliminate punishments and replace them only with kind words.
In an article from 2019 (which you can read here) I argued that to educate Punishments are not neededbut it is necessary to change educational method.
If in fact, the method in use provides premiums and punishments, it is quite evident that by removing punishments the method is no longer standing.
But let’s ask ourselves: what punishments areif not the reaction of an adult who no longer knows what fish to take? How do you get to the moment when the “Enough, go to your room” does it seem the only solution? It is possible that there is a way In order not to get there at all?
I believe yes, the road not to get to punishments exists, but needs a change of setting on an educational level by adults. A change of educational paradigm is essential.
The fulcrum of the educational system without punishments revolves around the meaning of the word “respect” and needs to Preparation, planning and organization.
How to avoid saying “enough, row in your room”
So how to avoid saying “enough, row in your room!”? First of all respecting children and young people; Let’s see what it means.
- Be aware that children educate themselves From the first day of life. There is no time when children are too small to understand; Rather, the way we turn to them must make themselves as more complex, accompanying growth.
- Observe children and young people To understand their interests and their needs and prepare to satisfy them. This does not mean being slaves to children or allow them to do what they want, but to support the natural growth of the individual and provide those that we consider the right answers.
- Children and young people They don’t think how adults. According to neuroscience, the brain will be mature only towards twenty years and therefore until then the decision -making skills of children and young people are not guided by rationality, but from desirefrom emotions, by personal curiosityfrom the need to have everything immediately. If you observe your children in a Montessorian way you take not the “whims”, but the growth needs.
- Always anticipate great changes: entry to kindergarten, the beginning of primary school, sexuality, adolescence, use of the smartphone … anticipate means providing the right way to approach To that particular change before the child or boy adopts incorrect behavior. The loving authority of the parent thus has all the time to show values, attitudes, behaviors and correct choices.
- Children must be considered as people who are missing the experienceand need all the elements that, as parents, we are able to provide them so that they can face small everyday challenges. We must clearly consider the fact that up to 9/10 years the children blindly trust us, while from 10/11 years question Our indications because they want to “live as adults”, although not yet. Sometimes I think that because of their physicality and strength, their energy and youth swagger, some even feel like invincibleas if they were superheroes. But we parents, with our wealth of experience, we know that the hairdresser lurks are more than one. We therefore have the duty to show our children what we consider both the correct road.
- Avoid lies: children and teenagers need truth. They need not to be cheated. I think of the moment we leave the child to go to work and run away, in secret, when we see him distracted; is the first germ of the distrust. Rather, let’s say goodbye and reassure it, even if she is crying, even if it is painful.
- Parents should not be friends with their children. The role of the parent is to educate, show, grow; That of friends is to live together by sharing the same discoveries.
The importance of an education based on respect
The goal of an education based on respect is to make the family a serene place in which it is always nice to return, both for parents and for children. I know many parents who at the end of the working time would do anything in order not to go home with the fear of being in front of one of the many “punishment” situations. And I know many children who when they see “mom” or “dad” written on the smartphone display and do not spare the little pleasant epithets. Here, I believe that an education that is based on respect and not on physical violence or verbal is capable of avoiding all this.
