Meaning of codirence
Karen Horney, in 1941, spoke of “Moving Toward” personalities to describe those people who “help others to unravel their unresolved experiences”. Something similar to coduse.
Between the late 70s and the early 80s, the terms “Co-dependent” or “Co-Alcoholic” were used to describe the behavior of the partner of the alcoholics (Westemeyer, 2005).
The observations carried out in the first self-mutual groups of help suggested that the caring behavior expressed by some family members and spouses could favor the alcoholic or the drug addict to continue to use the substance. For this reason, family members began to be systematically included, where possible, in the treatments, according to appropriate methods.
More recently, the Coded term It was used to describe a love relationship in which the person remains in the link exclusively because the partner needs him/her. In codedness the need for the other exhibition to become the bond and the condition of stability and continuity of the relationship (Westemeyer, 2005).
THE Coded partners They do not always report to be in love, it is possible to detect the presence of ambivalent feelings. On the one hand they appreciate what the partner does for them, but on the other they perceive control attempts. In these cases the relationship may not be balanced, but oscillating between submission and desire to free oneself (Lyon & Greenberg, 1991).
Characteristics of coded
Some scholars have deepened the theme of codedness coming to identify the following characteristics as descriptive of the people who are characterized (Mellody et al., 1989):
- Low levels of self -esteem;
- Difficulty in establishing boundaries defined with the partner;
- Difficulty in recognizing one’s needs and individuality;
- Persistence in taking care of the needs and desires of others at the expense of one’s own;
- Difficulty in expressing and living reality in a moderate way, going in the direction of excess in every expression of the self.
It is important to emphasize that the term “codirence”, to date, cannot be used in a diagnostic, but descriptive sense: it is a subclinical condition that can be episodic/situational. If in a relationship a partner behaves like coded, it is not said that it uses the same behavioral model with other partners!.
Difference between codairence and emotional dependence
The difference between emotional dependence and codedness consists in the fact that in the first condition you can choose a partner who has no particular problems. In the second, however, the object of addiction is a person who in turn has problems of pathological dependence (e.g. alcohol dependence).
Cure codirence
There coded person It can live ambivalent feelings. On the one hand it has the hope that the partner can change thanks to the love and support that she/he himself offers. On the other, if this should happen, the risk could be that of the breakdown of the bond.
In a path of psychotherapy, the coded person can explore whether and how his past may have contributed to the creation of his schemes and the thoughts, actions and feelings that derive from it, abandoning the salvific illusion and learning to take care of himself.
Not infrequently the coded person experiences negatively characterized emotions and feelings (fear, anger, contempt …) when he places himself at the center of his life.
Critical aspects
In a 2005 work entitled “The codependency Idea: when caring beacomes dreasase“, Robert Westemeyer reflects on some important implications that, on a psychotherapeutic level, some concepts, beliefs or hires on the theme of codedness can have.
The starting point of his reflection concerns the idea that the coded is “responsible” of the resistance to change of the partner with pathological dependence. Citing Judith Gordon and Kimberly Barret, in their work in 1993, Westemeyer says that it is dangerous to convey the idea of an addiction as a “family disease (/couple)” where each member plays a role in helping the disease to perpetuate itself.
In fact, quoting the work of other authors (Moos et al., 1990), Westemeyer recalls that, contrary, families/couples with a large (healthy) range of support behaviors are fundamental in guaranteeing the maintenance of the sobriety of those who are engaged in a path for free from an addiction.
The actual role of the employee’s caregivers
Westemeyer focuses attention on the need to consider the person with substances dependence as completely responsible for his choice to use or not. The role of his partner and his family is to support the motivation for change. The author points out:
- Nobody can cause the dependence behavior of another person. The behaviors that create addiction are habits learned by expectations that use a substance will lead to happiness, comfort or reduction of something negative.
- The caregiving of a partner/family must not be seen as a pathological behavior: caregiving is fueled by the ability to experience empathy and the desire to make the lives of dear/loved people happier. Social and emotional support is one of the most important indicators of the success of a path of care of a pathological dependence.
- What works in a relationship will not necessarily work in others, and what previously worked in a relationship could be ineffective given the new circumstances. Those who have a relationship with a person with pathological addiction must evaluate whether the modification of one or more behaviors would help more in supporting motivation to change those who love.
Bibliography
- Westemeyer, R. (2005). The codepudency idea: when caring beacomes in Disease.
- Beattie, M. (1987) Codeladent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself. San Francisco: Harper.
- Gomberg, El (1989). ON TERMS Used and ABUSED: The concept of codepadecy. Drugs and Society, 3, 113-132.
- Gordon, Jr, Barrett, K. (1993) The Codelandency Movement: Issues of Context and differentiation. In Baer, JS, Marlatt, A. & McMahon, RJ (eds.) ADDICATIVIE BEHAVORS ACROSS THE LIFE SPAN. Newburry Park: Sage.
- Mellody, P., Wells-Miller, A., Miller, KJ (1989). Facing Codeladendence: What it is, where it comes from, How it sabotages our lives. New York: Harpercollins.
- Lyon, D., Greenberg, J. (1991). Evidence of Codelancycy in Women with an alcoholic Parent: Helping Out Mr. Wrong. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(3), 435.
