The relationship between twin brothers is particular and unique. In this article we will try to analyze their lives, focusing both on the dynamics that distinguish homozygotic and dizygotic twins, and on how these influence the family context and the behavior of the parents who find themselves having to respond to their arrival.
The world of twins
The birth of twins within a family unit it represents a special event, because the parental figures, at the same time, are called upon to face two requests. The main difficulty for parents may be to manage create an individualized relationship with each of them.
Growing up together and living, at the same time, as two separate individuals determines a strong complicity and intimacy between them. It seems that between the two there is a symbiosis typical of an ideal relationship, determined by a physical resemblance, by the functioning of their relationship and by their way of communicating.
In the case of twins, the other is often considered a double and it is as if they are both in the continuous oscillation between belonging and differentiating. In fact, we are talking about mirror effect to indicate that:
- the self is before another like itself;
- the self, in a first phase, shares the same moments;
- the self is reflected in the other.
The psychologist Roberto Pani explains that even at the level sensory there can be a very structured attunement: even being at a distance, some twins can have the same type of reaction.
- When talking about the different types of twins, it can be noted that monozygotic twins tend to perceive themselves as an “I-we” and not as two separate entities;
- in heterozygous twins, however, some differences emerge, since the other is experienced as distinct from oneself, a very different aspect from the concept of mirror explained above.
Perceiving the other as different from oneself can encourage greater differentiation and also the onset of unconscious jealousy and envy, which could determine the structuring of some roles.
Gemini: data and current context
The presence of twins in families is a growing phenomenon in recent decades, also thanks to the increase in medically assisted procreation techniques. According to the Istituto Superiore di Sanità, in Italy approximately 2% of births involve twins, with a higher prevalence in pregnancies after the age of 35.
This data helps us understand how important it is to offer specific support to families going through this experience, considering the unique challenges it can pose for both parents and children.
Theoretical references: Zazzo, Winnicott and the theory of twin identity
The French psychologist René Zazzo, one of the leading experts in the study of twinning, has highlighted how the bond between twins can lead to the development of a “couple identity”, sometimes making the process of personal identification more complex. In particular, the bond is often even more intense between monozygotic twins than heterozygotic ones, influencing the quality of relational dynamics and the path towards individual identity. According to Zazzo, the relationship between twins can take different forms: from fusion, in which it is difficult to perceive each other as separate individuals, to complementarity, where each takes on a specific and interdependent role; from rivalry, which emerges in the attempt to differentiate oneself, up to identification, the desirable path in which each twin develops their own personal identity while maintaining an emotional bond with the other.
Donald Winnicott, a British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, also highlighted the importance of the “separation-individuation process” in the first years of life, underlining how in twins this path is often more complex and may require particular attention from the parents.
How do parents deal with all this?
From the beginning of pregnancy, mothers undergo many checks not only for the risk of a premature birth but also for the possibility that one of the two fetuses develops better than the other. It is very common that parents and the family context tend to consider twins as a single reality and not as two distinct people.
They are often simply called “the twins” and it may happen that similar names are chosen even on a sound level. It would be desirable for parents to try to break and overcome this possible symbiosissince this would favor the evolutionary process of each one.
The need for a project detwining
This term refers to the need to encourage differentiation of the physiological relationship between the twins, not in a forced way but by placing their dual bond alongside others of the same type.
It is as if the parents had the task of preparing the ground between the two which can, over time, promote distinction and separation. Obstructing this process very clearly, on the one hand, would be a mistake, since the physiological flow of their I it is determined by their reflection in each other; on the other hand, it is vital to encourage spontaneous distinction and identification.
Although the parents are the same, it is a common experience that the father and mother are inevitably different in their relationship with each child. Unconsciously, mothers or fathers place divergent expectations on their children, full of fantasies and idealizations. These are formed and structured from birth and contribute to the construction of the identity and role of each child.
The task of parents
From birth, twins experience a symbiotic and ideal relationship with each other. The two build their own world and their own reality in which it can be difficult to fit in and take up space. Parents have the task of finding a place, since, if the twins are unable to differentiate themselves by each acquiring their own individuality, the risk of encountering problems in the future relationship may increase.
What is in fact considered evolutionary and vital is the acquisition of a sense of selfwhich in the case of twins inevitably encounters greater difficulty than an only child or a child placed in another sibling system.
Practical strategies to promote the individuality of twins
Promoting the individual growth of twins requires attention and small precautions in daily life. Some useful strategies for parents can be:
- Dedicate exclusive moments to each twin: Even short separate activities help each child feel unique and recognized.
- Choose personalized clothes and items: avoiding dressing twins always the same way can strengthen the perception of their individuality.
- Encourage diverse interests and activities: If possible, supporting different passions or hobbies allows each twin to explore their own inclinations.
- Handle conflicts fairly: listening to the reasons of both and not always taking the side of just one helps to prevent rivalry and jealousy.
- Promote friendships outside the twin relationship: stimulating socialization with other children helps to develop broader relational skills.
These measures, if applied consistently and sensitively, can help facilitate a healthy identification process and strengthen the emotional well-being of the entire family.
Twins and behavioral problems: when similarities become challenges
Growing up as a twin can be an extraordinary experience of emotional closeness, but at the same time it can bring with it some unique challenges, especially behaviorally. The close relationship between twins, in fact, sometimes makes it more difficult to establish one’s personal boundaries and recognize each other as distinct individuals, favoring the appearance of conflicts, competitive dynamics or difficulties in managing autonomy.
When behavioral problems emerge between twins, it is important to consider both their interaction with each other and the family and social dynamics surrounding them. Offering a space for listening and validation, in which everyone can freely express emotions and experiences, represents a fundamental first step. Psychological support can help twins find a balance between the need for connection and that of individuality, promoting harmonious and peaceful growth for both.
Psychological support for parents and twins: possible concrete help
Raising twins means facing unique challenges, but also experiencing moments of great emotional richness. If you feel the need for support to promote your children’s individuality, manage family dynamics or simply consult with an expert professional, Evidence Network is at your side. Starting a psychological journey can help find personalized strategies and live this special experience with greater serenity. You are not alone: through a short questionnaire you can find your psychologist online and discover how Evidence Network can help you enhance every single uniqueness in your family.
