For a child, the parent’s opinion is important because, in addition to being an educator, it is also a model to be inspired by. The ideas and choices of adults, however, should not be perceived as the only possible ways, in order to stimulate freedom of thought from an early age
«It’s just like me when I was a child! When it does so instead no … it’s all you! »: How many times have you happened to listen to a statement like this or other similar ones? At the unconscious level, we probably seek in our child the reflected image of ourselvesas if to say: “If I’m happy, I’m happy.”
“What do you think?” Instead, it is a question that goes in the opposite direction and that, in my opinion, is pronounced too little in the educational field. The agreement between two or more people is less tiring than divergence and disagreement, conditions that provide for discussions, comparisons and compromises. With adults it is often inevitable; Each supports their own ideas trying to convince the other or by letting themselves be infected by new perspectives, while with children, on many occasions, if possible it is preferred to avoid. But are we really sure that this benefits the development of critical thinking, intelligence and creative thinking? To conquer intellectual creativity, in fact, it is necessary to “get away” from the opinion of others, do not take it for granted and evaluate it and then choose whether to deviate or get closer. Like all skills, therefore, creative thinking also needs exercise, from early childhood.
Knowing how to choose
About ten years ago, during my teacher work, I was very saddened when a 4 -year -old girl, to my question “What do you want to do?”, He replied: “I don’t know, you choose. I am not capable ». His awareness had disturbed me, and we took some time to ensure that the girl became aware of what she liked or did not interest her, of what she was skilled or not. “Don’t take that, you don’t like it”; “Choose this, that’s ugly”; “Don’t be sad, you don’t need”; “I am wrong to think so” … phrases like these – even if expressed with the desire to help, direct and not make the child “tribulate” – should be reduced to a minimum, giving preference to expressions that stimulate reflection in him. Let’s do some examples: “I’m not sure you may like it, but if you want to try, try!”; “I don’t like it, but if you want this you can take it”; “Are you sad? I am sorry. Can I help you feel better? “; “I think it differently.” The opinion of the parent is important as an educator and model for the child, but his ideas and choices should not be perceived as the only possible ways.
Opportunities for “healthy” freedom
Educating for freedom of thought, however, does not mean downloading responsibilities to the child who do not compete on him. The difference is thin, but fundamental. If we ask a 3 -year -old one what you want for dinner or what you want to wear to go out, we are not granting him freedom; On the contrary, we are overloading it of responsibility. A 3 -year -old boy does not have the skills to decide the entire menu (balancing proteins, fats and carbohydrates based on the feeding of the previous days), as it could opt for flip flops in the middle of winter. Freedom of choice must be contained within a land governable and manageable in full autonomy by the child; Consequently, if we want to involve him in choosing the menu, we could ask him a similar question: “Do you agree if I put the pumpkin in the minestrone? Or do you prefer the leek? For me it is indifferent, I both have ». And so for the clothing: letting the child opt for the striped or solid color shirt means offering him an opportunity for “healthy” freedom.
Emotions that change
“Don’t cry”; “Don’t worry”; “Don’t be sad”; “Be happy”; “Make a smile” are common phrases that, from the point of view of the educating adult, are born with the intent to encourage, help, support. But often one’s own emotional feeling is not manageable on command and it is a child’s right to experience and manifest the emotions that he feels even when the adult who is next to him considers them incomprehensible or different from his own. What is responsible for the adult is the way in which the child manifests them, who must be “socially acceptable”, that is, not harmful to others (aggression), for the child himself (self -harm for anger) or for the environment (violence towards things). But the feeling, whatever it is, is lawful. What mother worries perhaps doesn’t worry the child, what fun’s dadd perhaps is insignificant for the little one. Likewise, a frightening event for the child does not generate the same emotions in his parents. Educating to empathy means giving the child opportunities to read both the emotions of others and others. And to be empathetic you learn from children.
The emotional feeling in the face of the different situations is not static, but dynamic: the child should understand that how his hair grows, so his skills grow, his tastes and emotions evolve. As if to say: “What scares you today, tomorrow maybe it will make you smile, but today it is right to allow you to experience fear, probably due to a lack of experience, and be next to you in the management of emotions”.
The opinion of mom and dad
“And what I think is worth nothing?” Could lawfully ask himself a parent. Of course it is worth! For the child, especially in the second period of development between 6 and 12 years, it is fundamental. The parent is a model and example of justice and truth, and his responsibility on the soil of moral education is immense, because he lays the foundations for the development of the child, of the adult who will be. Further on over the years, the child will evaluate those values he has experienced and received inheritance, looking at them with critical and mature eyes, making them his own and deciding to pass them in turn or keep them as past experiences.
So? The parent has the right and duty to express his opinion and manifest his feeling exactly like the child, offering his point of view with humility and patience: Sometimes the child will find an answer to his questions in the parental model, other times not.
