The children have manifest the desire to approach their peers and soon squeeze their first friendly relationships, which over time will be more stable and more complex to get closer to their peers
Marta is 9 months old and is in the park with her grandfather. Another little child plays close to her: Marta seems to be fascinated by it, observes him for a long time and shakes his little hands in his direction. When he approaches her, however, he tightens his grandfather, frightened. Federico and Riccardo are two cousins of 15 and 18 months. Riccardo often tries to embrace the cousin, he sometimes accepts, others don’t. As they play in Piazza Riccardo runs fast, touches a car and goes back, one, two, three times … Federico looks at him and begins to do the same.
Spontaneous approaches
From the first months of life, children show they are attracted by other children And the interest soon becomes willingness to establish a contact. The first approaches are simple, they often consist in engraving what the other does, and are sometimes unidirectional: the action of a child is not always paid. With growth, exchanges begin to be more coordinated and collaborative: around 2 years the children, helped by the words, begin to interact with each other to pursue common purposes, and the first conflicts, fundamental to “take measures” in the relationship between peer, also arise. As the language develops, children become capable of communicating desires, expectations and emotions, building more intimate and articulated relationshipsin which to play together, share ideas, tell each other stories and imagine fantastic adventures.
Evolution friendships
The first friendships between children are already born at an early age: we will notice that al nest They are looking for to keep company, who prefer to play with certain peers rather than with others, and the sadness they manifest at the time of separation. These friendly relationships They have different characteristics compared to friendship between older children, but they should not be considered less important.
Growing, the social skills are refined And the relationship between even becomes more and more desired and significant, because the child matures the ability to interact With the other, evaluating its point of view: the friendship between children constitutes the privileged place to practice understanding the mind and feelings of others. At the same time, children become more selective in the choice of companions, who will gradually be preferred according to the commonality of interests. In school age, therefore, friendship relationships will become more stable and much more complex.
The choice of friends
THE criteria that children use to “choose” friendships therefore tend to change during growth. In early childhood, in general, a friend is someone to play with and younger children seem more prone than adults to shake friendships with peers of the opposite sex or of different ethnic origin. When the words have not yet blossomed, the preferences express themselves through body signals: the smile in recognizing the partner of the partner at the entrance of the nest, the baci passionate about the friend shortly after having torn a toy by hand, or the shared laughter while combining a “marachella”.
The role of friendship
The First forms of friendship They are born spontaneously and are not necessarily mutual (“Mom, he is my friend”, but his friend does not know!). The feeling of affection that the little proof towards the other is intense: to say “you are my friend” is a way to say “I like you, I love you”; And intense are also the first quarrels, anger, sadness when “you are no longer my friend” and the subsequent reconciliations.
The Friendships of early childhood They carry out fundamental evolutionary tasks for self -knowledge, the other and the surrounding world. In confrontation with friends, children train the social skills who will accompany them throughout their lives, learn to formulate and support their opinions, to appreciate the prospects of peers, to negotiate solutions when there is a disagreement and develop models of mutually acceptable conduct. In the friendship report, moreover, they experience different moods (affection, harmony, joy, rivalry, jealousy …) and tune to the emotions of the other, while laying the foundations, thanks to the shared experiences, for the development of moral principles such as the sense of justice, loyalty and solidarity.
And the parents?
Often one wonders if he is How to encourage the sociability of young children. First of all, we must consider that parents inevitably influence directly or indirectly, the development and nature of relationships between equal to their children. The quality of the attachment and the link with mom and dad in fact creates a safe basis from which children can move to explore social relationships outside the family area, and the relationship between parents offers children a first model to refer to. The opportunities provided by the choices and by the family lifestyle: The neighborhood where you live, the school, the Church, the parents themselves of the parents are all elements that influence the possibilities of meeting with other children and on the criteria that young people will adopt to choose their friends.
- Create opportunities, without forcing. It is necessary to respect the phases of development and personality of the child, his times and his ways of approaching the other. His preferences must be accepted, avoiding to express judgments (“Why did you make friends with that brat? You would not prefer Luca? Is it so quiet …”). Instead, experiences can be proposed that stimulate the curiosity of the child towards others.
- Make room for the friendships of the little ones. Today it is more than ever necessary to find places of sociality for children who live in often isolated families. The nursery and kindergarten represent unique opportunities for social relationships and global growth, and it is equally important to offer unstructured spaces of play and free expression, inviting other children to home and attending with them courtyards, squares, parks.
- Do not intrude. Adults must try to intervene as little as possible in relationships between children. The presence and guidance of the parent should be translated into discreet observation, which allows to understand the nature of the relationships that children establish. It is important that the child feels that parents welcome and understand his emotions and that they are available (without replacing him) to find solutions together with any difficulties.
