Personal growthEmotional regulation: how to learn to manage your emotionsGeneva CeveniniEditorial teamUnobravo

There emotional regulation it is a central skill for every human being. It allows you to recognize and manage your emotions, representing an important way for the person’s well-being. The importance of knowing how to recognize and modulate one’s emotional states is reflected in the numerous benefits that derive from it.

There emotion regulation allows you to:

• Deal with both positive events and challenges in lifeeven when they may be unpleasant or a source of conflict;
• Enter into relationships with others more effectively;
• Address the different developmental stages of life with strategies adequate.

What is emotional regulation?

Emotion regulation is the set of strategies we use to manage the emotions we feel at a given moment. This ability implies:

1. Recognize and distinguish between different emotions;
2. Accept your emotional experience, whether pleasant or unpleasant;
3. Using emotions as a push to achieve personal or relational goals;
4. Modulate the modifiable aspects of emotional experience, such as intensity, content and duration.

Theoretical models of emotional regulation

To fully understand emotional regulation, it is useful to refer to the main theoretical models developed in the psychological field. One of the most recognized is the James Gross’ procedural modelprofessor of psychology at Stanford University, who describes emotional regulation as a process that develops in several stages.

According to Gross, regulation strategies can be activated at different times with respect to the emergence of the emotion:

• Selection of the situation: Choosing to enter into or avoid certain situations that might arouse specific emotions.
• Changing the situation: actively intervene to change the environment or circumstances that generate the emotion.
• Direction of attention: shift focus to different aspects of the situation, for example distracting yourself or focusing on positive elements.
• Cognitive reappraisal: reinterpreting the meaning of a situation to change its emotional impact.
• Response modulation: acting directly on manifestations of emotion, such as behavior or facial expression.

This model helps to understand how people can intervene in a conscious and flexible way in their emotional experience, choosing strategies that are more functional to the context and their objectives (Gross, 1998).

How do we learn emotion regulation?

Let’s think of a very young child, who cries in despair at the loss of his favorite toy. How will he be able to calm down and “digest” the sadness he is feeling? To learn all this, it is essential that, from birth, the child has a reference figure, an adult, who can accompany him in this process.

In particular, as argued by the British psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion, a crucial role would be played by the so-called maternal reveriethat is, the ability of the adult (usually the mother) to welcome the sensory and emotional signals of the child and return them in a form that his developing system is able to assimilate. The mother is therefore configured as the first source of emotion regulation.

The adult is not only able to contain, but also to mirror the child’s emotions: by showing moods consistent with those of the child, he helps him to recognize them more easily.

The development of emotional regulation in childhood and adolescence

The ability to regulate emotions develops progressively during growth, thanks to the interaction between individual predispositions and the family environment. Longitudinal studies have shown that boys and girls who receive consistent and sensitive emotional support from their parents tend to develop more effective emotional regulation (Cole & Hall, 2008). During adolescence, this skill is further refined thanks to the increase in cognitive abilities and social experience; however, it is also a period in which difficulties can emerge, especially in the presence of stress or significant changes. According to research published in “Child Development”, approximately 20% of adolescents report persistent difficulties in managing emotions, with possible repercussions on psychological well-being and relationships (Cole & Hall, 2008).

When working on emotion regulation in psychotherapy, it is crucial that therapists consider how people’s cultural backgrounds influence rules of emotional expression and the perception of what is considered adaptive or maladaptive (Iwakabe et al., 2023). Promoting an environment of listening and emotional validation, both in the family and at school, represents an essential protective factor for the development of effective regulation strategies.

What strategies can we adopt?

To manage our emotional experience we have two macro-categories of strategies available:

1. Internal strategies: they concern the ability to “stay” in contact with the emotion and go through its physiological course, welcoming this experience as a precious moment to better understand ourselves and our needs.
2. External strategies: involve engaging in external situations to change one’s emotional state and may include seeking objects, distractions, substances, activities, and more.

Both of these possibilities can be useful, if used flexibly. Difficulties can increase when a strategy is used rigidly, especially if it is aimed at systematically avoiding an emotional experience perceived as too difficult to express or manage. In these cases we talk about emotional dysregulation.

Evidence-based strategies for emotional regulation

In addition to internal and external strategies, clinical research has identified some particularly effective techniques supported by scientific evidence to improve emotional regulation. Cognitive reappraisal, which consists of changing the way one interprets a situation by trying to see it from a different and less threatening perspective, is associated with greater resilience and a lower risk of developing anxious or depressive symptoms (Gross & John, 2003). Furthermore, this strategy, intervening early in the process of generating emotions, has often proven to be more effective than suppression in reducing both emotional experience and behavioral expression, without however negatively influencing memory (Gross, 2002).

Acceptance, which implies the willingness to welcome one’s emotions without judging them or trying to suppress them, promotes greater awareness and reduces the tendency to avoid, as highlighted by the studies of Gratz & Roemer (2004). Problem-solving, or actively dealing with situations that generate discomfort by planning possible solutions and evaluating the pros and cons of each option, helps to feel more effective and reduce the sense of helplessness. Finally, mindfulness, which consists of practicing awareness of the present moment by observing thoughts and emotions without automatic reaction, has proven useful in promoting more balanced emotional regulation (Tang, Hölzel & Posner, 2015).

Integrating these strategies into your daily life may require time and training, but it represents a valuable investment in your emotional well-being.

Emotional dysregulation: what impact in different contexts?

Difficulty regulating emotions, known as emotional dysregulationcan have significant consequences in various areas of daily life. Difficulties in emotional regulation can lead to various forms of psychopathology (Sheppes et al., 2015).

• School context: Children and adolescents with poor emotional regulation may experience difficulty concentrating, oppositional behaviors or social isolation. According to a study published in “School Psychology Quarterly”, emotional dysregulation is associated with an increased risk of academic failure and bullying episodes (Morrison et al., 2020).
• Working environment: In adults, difficulty managing emotions can lead to conflicts with colleagues, decreased productivity and increased stress. A survey conducted by the American Psychological Association in 2022 found that 35% of workers report difficulty managing emotional stress in the workplace.
• Interpersonal relationships: Emotional dysregulation can negatively affect the quality of relationships, generating misunderstandings, frequent arguments or difficulty expressing one’s needs assertively.

Recognizing the impact of emotional dysregulation in different contexts can represent the first step to intervene in a targeted way and promote more effective management strategies.

Evidence Network: an online psychology service to take care of your emotions

Learning to recognize, welcome and manage your emotions can contribute to daily well-being, relationships and personal fulfillment. If you feel the need for support to develop more effective emotional regulation strategies, remember that you are not alone: ​​with Evidence Network you can count on qualified psychologists ready to accompany you step by step, with empathy and competence. Start taking care of yourself and your emotions today: start the questionnaire to find your psychologist online.