Self-esteem can be defined as the result of the comparison between the successes that a person achieves and the expectations they had in this regard, also influenced by interactions with others and their opinions. There are two components that make up self-esteem:
- The real selfor what we really feel we are;
- The ideal selfwhat we would like to be.
The wider the distance between these two elements, the less strong the self-esteem will be. On the contrary, the closer the two models are, the greater the esteem we perceive towards ourselves.
To measure self-esteem there are various tools, such as the Rosenberg self-esteem test, one of the best known and most studied internationally.
When the two selves are in balance
Possessing high self-esteem comes from a limited difference between the actual self and the ideal self. It means knowing recognize realistically both one’s strengths and weaknesses, integrate them into a mature personality and give the right weight to strengths and weaknesses, thus facing failures with a balanced perspective.
This translates to:
- greater openness towards the environment;
- more autonomy;
- a strengthened confidence in one’s abilities.
Those with high self-esteem tend to relativize failures and engage in new challenges, managing to find enthusiasm even when faced with situations that could involve the risk of failure.
The conflict between selves
Sometimes it can happen that the ideal self is so high that it is almost unattainable, generating a strong need to respect it. The presence of an ideal self can certainly stimulate growth and aspiration, but, like a double-edged sword, it can also lead to dissatisfaction and frustration when one realizes that one cannot achieve it.
When there are too many differences between the two selves
Suffering from low confidence and low self-esteem can negatively impact enthusiasm and participation in daily life, influencing the sense of happiness and satisfaction. These situations often manifest themselves in:
- poor motivation;
- disengagement;
- disinterest in daily activities.
Those with low self-esteem tend to place few expectations on the success of a project, for fear of greater responsibility in the event of failure, which could be experienced as a difficult burden to bear.
Additionally, those with low self-esteem may be more prone to:
- downplaying one’s strengths, value and merit, with consequences such as impostor syndrome at work;
- not being able to evaluate oneself positively, perceiving insurmountable obstacles, a sense of learned helplessness and devaluation in the face of one’s aspirations;
- thinking that you have no resources and that your needs have no value.
All these circumstances, which reflect on our self-empowerment, originate in everyone’s personal history.
A concrete example: Marco’s story
To make the process of growing self-esteem more tangible, it may be useful to tell a short story inspired by real cases.
Marco, 32, turned to a psychologist after noticing that his insecurity often led him to give up new job opportunities. During the therapeutic journey, he learned to recognize the negative thoughts that were blocking him and to replace them with more realistic and encouraging affirmations. He started keeping a diary of his daily successes and celebrating even small progress. Over time, Marco gained greater self-confidence, managing to apply for a position he had wanted for a long time and establishing more satisfying relationships with colleagues.
This experience suggests that, with the right support and personal commitment, in some cases it is possible to transform self-perception and improve the quality of one’s life.
Practical strategies to strengthen self-esteem
In addition to the psychotherapeutic path, there are concrete strategies that can help improve self-perception and develop greater confidence in one’s abilities. Here are some practical suggestions, supported by scientific literature:
- Keep a success diary: Writing down even small goals achieved every day can help you focus on the positive aspects and recognize your progress.
- Learn to speak to yourself kindly: Replacing self-criticism with more understanding self-talk can reduce feelings of inadequacy. According to a study published in “Self and Identity” (Neff, 2003), self-compassion is associated with higher levels of self-esteem.
- Set realistic goals: Breaking down big goals into small, concrete steps can allow you to experience frequent success and build self-confidence.
- Practice assertiveness: Learning to express your needs and opinions clearly and respectfully can foster more balanced relationships and greater self-esteem.
These strategies can be integrated into everyday life and, if practiced consistently, can help build a solid foundation of self-esteem.
Theoretical reference models on self-esteem
To better understand the dynamics of self-esteem, it is useful to refer to some theoretical models developed by experts in the field of psychology.
- Nathaniel Brandenpsychotherapist and author, has identified six key pillars of self-esteem: awareness, self-acceptance, responsibility, assertiveness, purpose and integrity. According to Branden, working on these aspects can foster lasting personal growth.
- Albert Bandurapsychologist and professor emeritus, introduced the concept of “self-efficacy”, or confidence in one’s ability to face and overcome challenges. Self-efficacy is closely linked to self-esteem and influences how we deal with obstacles.
- Carl Rogersa humanistic psychologist, underlined the importance of unconditional self-acceptance and authenticity as the basis for a healthy development of self-esteem.
These models offer practical tools and food for thought for those who want to work on their self-esteem in a conscious and structured way.
The consequences of low self-esteem: impact on work, relationships and health
Low self-esteem doesn’t just affect how we perceive ourselves, but can have significant repercussions on several areas of daily life. Numerous research has highlighted how low self-confidence is associated with greater vulnerability to mood disorders, relationship difficulties and lower job satisfaction (Orth & Robins, 2014).
- Work area: People who perceive low self-esteem tend to underestimate their skills, avoiding new challenges for fear of failure. This attitude can limit professional growth and lead to lower job satisfaction.
- Interpersonal relationships: Low self-esteem can make it difficult to establish healthy boundaries, leading to unbalanced or unsatisfying relationships. We often fear the judgment of others and struggle to express our needs.
- Mental and physical health: According to a study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine (2010), low self-esteem is related to a greater risk of developing anxious and depressive symptoms, as well as a lower propensity to take care of one’s health.
These effects can create a vicious circle, in which the difficulties experienced in different areas further strengthen the negative perception of oneself.
I suffer from low self-esteem: I want to ask for help
Anyone who decides to undertake a course of psychotherapy chooses to listen to that inner voice that asks you to take care of yourself, to gather all those resources that can be difficult to see or enhance on your own. We try to:
- explore the beliefs that have generated an unpleasant self-image;
- recognize how and when those ways of thinking arose;
- learn to give them the right proportion and weight.
It is important to understand the cause of these dynamics, because knowing them also means having the power to manage them and learn to love yourself. This promotes a new, more objective and comprehensive perspective towards oneself, bringing out the importance of one’s needs and recognizing their value.
“When we believe in ourselves we can experience curiosity, happiness, surprise and all those emotions that make us deeply human.” E. E. Cummings
If you feel that your self-esteem is affecting your well-being and you want to start a journey of personal growth, Evidence Network can help you find the online psychologist best suited to your needs. Start the questionnaire and take the first step towards greater self-awareness and confidence.
