The inability or persistent difficulty of achieving orgasm, despite the desire and adequate stimulation, is an experience that can generate profound frustration and confusion. According to the data of an Italian study, the prevalence of the inability to reach orgasm in men stands around 10%, with a tendency to significantly increase with age (of Sante et al., 2016).
This condition, known as anorgasmia It is defined in the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (DSM-5) as a marked delay, an invalfence or an absence of ejaculation that manifests itself in almost all sexual intercourse for at least six months. In this article we will explore together what anorgasmia is, what its causes can be and how it is possible to face it to find a serene and satisfying intimacy.
The sexual response cycle
Let’s start from the beginning by speaking of the male sexual response cycle, which is divided into 4 phases:
- Phase of desire;
- excitement phase;
- orgasm phase;
- resolution phase.
IftPhase of desire
The desire is made up of three forces:
- biological component;
- psychological component;
- cultural component.
It is a dynamic and changing phenomenon, related to the events of life and can vary along a continuum which goes from passion to need, to interest, to indifference until the aversion. In the phase of desire, the genital organs do not undergo any visible variation: it is a state of emotional activation that leads to try to achieve the object of one’s interest.
Excitement phase
It can be activated by stimulating parts of the body or with psychological stimulations, such as erotic fantasies. When a man is excited, the blood focuses in some areas of the body, producing:
- the erection of the penis and nipples;
- the elevation of the scrotal bag;
- The swelling of the testicles.
In this phase they increase the heartbeat, blood pressure and muscle tension.
Orgasm and resolution phase
The orgasm phase is that in which man reaches the climax of sexual pleasure: physical and psychological factors play an important role. Ejaculation usually accompanies a particularly intense pleasure experience that is called orgasm.
It consists in the liberation of all the tension accumulated during the previous phases and causes many physiological modifications. In humans, orgasmic sensations focus on the penis. Men perceive, at a certain moment, what is called the phase of theEjaculatory inevitability: a few seconds before orgasm there is an instant in which man perceives the imminence of ejaculation and knows that he will not be able to stop it.
In the resolution phase, man’s body returns to a relaxed and excitement state.
What is aorgasmia (or delayed ejaculation)?
THE’anorgasmiawhich in the male context is often called also delayed ejaculation (sometimes improperly), is the recurring difficulty or the inability to reach themale orgasmwhile trying desire and normal excitement.
It is important to underline that it is not a lack of desire or pleasure in stimulation, but of a block that intervenes precisely in the culminating phase of the relationship.
In order to speak of a real disorder, this condition must be repeated for a period of at least six months and, above all, cause significant personal or relational discomfort. Living this difficulty can have a profound impact on psychological well -being, generating frustration, misunderstandings in the couple and a growing one performance anxiety.
The different forms of aorgasmia
Anorgasmia does not manifest itself in a single way. The scientific literature, in fact, distinguishes between a permanent form (lifelong), always present, and one acquired (acquired), which arises after a period of normal sexual functioning (of Sante et al., 2016). Recognizing its different forms can be the first step to give a more precise name to your experience and understand it better:
- Primary Anorgasmia: It occurs when a person has never experienced an orgasm throughout his life, neither with a partner nor through masturbation.
- Secondary anorgasmia: The difficulty in reaching orgasm appears later, after a period in which the orgasmic function was completely normal.
In addition, a distinction can be performed between:
- Absolute anorgasmia (or generalized): The inability to achieve the culmination of pleasure is presented in every situation and with any type of sexual stimulation.
- Situational anorgasmia: It is the most common form. The difficulty manifests itself only in specific circumstances. A classic example is to be able to reach orgasm with masturbation but not during the relationship with a partner.
What are the causes of male anorgasmia?
The roots of themale anorgasmia They are rarely attributable to a single factor. More often, it is a complex intertwining of physical, psychological and relational elements that influence each other.
- Psychological and relational causes: they represent most of the cases. Among these, theperformance anxiety He plays a central role, together with stress, depression or unsolved conflicts in the couple. Even a rigid sexual education, past traumatic experiences or poor familiarity with one’s body can help inhibit the orgasmic response.
- Physical or biological causes:In some cases, the difficulty may derive from medical conditions (such as diabetes or neurological problems), hormonal imbalances, consequences of surgery or side effects of some drugs. In particular, antidepressants, antipsychotics and hypertension drugs can interfere with the ability to reach orgasm.
How do you take care of anorgasmia? The importance of psychotherapy
Dressing anorgasmia is a path that requires patience, self-compression and, very often, the support of a professional. Psychotherapy, in particular a path with a sexologist, represents the most effective approach because it does not limit itself to treating the symptom, but goes to work on the deep causes of the block.
A therapeutic path, which can be individual or couple, sets several fundamental objectives to unlock the situation:
- Reduce anxiety and pressure: Learn to move the focus from performance to pleasure, rediscovering intimacy as an experience of sharing and not as an exam.
- Improve couple communication: Create a safe space in which both partners can express desires, fears and difficulties without fear of judgment.
- Renovate limiting beliefs: face and modify fears, guilt or dysfunctional ideas on sexuality that can act as an unconscious brake.
- Increase body awareness: Dedicate time to explore one’s body and sensations, to understand what will generate pleasure and what creates tension instead.
The final goal is not simply “to go back to functioning”, but to restore a balance that leads to greater sexual satisfaction and a wider and more profound psychological well -being.
Finding pleasure: a possible path with the right support
Anorgasmia can be a source of great suffering and make you feel alone, but it is important that you know that it is not a condemnation. Rather, consider it as a signal, an invitation to explore your emotional, relational and sexual sphere more attention. Remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a great act of courage and love for yourself.
If you feel that the time has come to face these difficulties to rediscover pleasure and well -being, a path with a professional can really make a difference. If you wish, you can take the first step by filling out our questionnaire. We will find together the most suitable online psychologist to guide you on this path.
