When we think of the relationships that shape our life, it is natural to return with the mind to the most early ties: those with our parents or caregivers, who have taken care of us. These first affective bonds have a profound impact on our psychological and emotional development.
In the psychological field, the attachment theory helps us to understand how early experiences influence our ability to face the world and build future ties. Among the different forms, thesafe attachment It distinguishes itself as the most solid base for healthy and stable relationships. Scientific studies confirm that safe attachment is associated with one greater emotional regulation, self -esteem and resilience.
What is safe attachment?
THE’safe attachment It is a style of attachment that develops in the first years of life when a child lives a stable, coherent and affectionate relationship with their caregivers (usually parents). This type of bond allows the child to perceive the world as a safe place, and to internalize a sense of self -confidence and others.
Attachment theory and safe attachment
The attachment theory was born from John’s studies Bowlbywhich has revolutionized the understanding of the child’s relational needs by claiming that the search for closeness to a reference figure It is a behavior innate.
Mary Ainsworththrough the experimental paradigm of Strange Situationidentified three main attachment styles, including the safe one. THE Safe children show a healthy balance between the exploration of the environment and search for comfort, revealing confidence in the availability of the adult. In adulthood, as described by Van Ijzendorn (1995), the representations of attachment are investigated through tools such as theAdult Attachment Interviewwhich measures narrative consistency and emotional awareness.
Safe people tend to be reflective, authentic and capable of describing their relational experiences consistently.
As highlighted by Cassidy and Colleghi (2016), a Effective caregiving implies the ability to support not only the external exploration of the child, but also the inner one, thoughtsfrom the emotions and of vulnerability. It is this depth of connection that encourages the affective safety also in adult ties. The experiments with the Macachi Rhesus of Harlow and Zimmerman (1959) also strengthened the idea that the need for proximity and comfort is primary. The small macaques, in fact, preferred to take refuge in the maternal substitute of fabric instead of the metal one that provided food, indicating that the emotional bond is not based only on material needs. Bowlby drew a revolutionary vision: affective bonds are formed to guarantee safety and emotional support, not simply to satisfy physical needs.
How does the safe attachment develop?
THE’safe attachment It forms thanks to early relationships characterized by consistency, sensitivity And emotional availability by the caregiver. Mary Ainsworth (1979) spoke of “maternal sensitivity” to describe the ability to perceive, understand and respond adequately to the child’s signals. This attitude builds trust in the fact that one’s emotions are valid and that needs can be satisfied.
However, it is not enough to avoid conflict or offer material care: what matters is the quality of the emotional response. According to Verhage et al. (2016), the intergenerational transmission of the attachment takes place precisely through these methods of relationship, which the children internalize and then reproduce.
As the studies collected in the Handbook of Attachment (Cassidy et al., 2016), an effective caregiving occurs when the parent is able to Encourage the autonomy of the childsupporting his curiosity without controlling him. This balance is essential to feed the motivation, trust and desire to learn, as shown also by a recent review on attachment and school performance (2023). The attachment bond is formed through repeated daily interactions between child and caregiver, and it is precisely from these experiences that the Internal operating models (Moi), mental representations that guide the way we perceive ourselves and others in relationships. As Bowlby (1973) explained, the child builds ideas on how acceptable or not in the eyes of the other, and on how available and responsive the latter. A sensitive caregiver forms in the child the idea of a predictable world and of himself as worthy of love.
Safe attachment and psychological well -being
Research highlighted a strong connection between safe attachment and emotional well -being. People with a safe attachment show greater self-esteem, less anxietyand one better ability to regulate one’s emotionseven in stressful contexts. They are more resilientcapable of dealing with difficulties without feeling overwhelmed, and more inclined to seek support when necessary. Encouragement increases positive mood and self -efficacy, while interference or control bring down self -confidence.
This also applies to school and professional contexts: safe children and adults feel more capable of facing complex challenges and show greater intrinsic motivation. As Zaleski (1987) says, the support perceived in the decisive moments of growth is one of the most powerful levers for subjective well -being.
Safe attachment and emotional relationships
People with a safe attachment are generally more satisfied than their own relationswho tend to be stable, deep and characterized by mutual trust. They manage to maintain a balance between autonomy and closeness, and effectively communicate their needs without fear of refusal or dependence. According to Brutein et al. (1996), the perception of being supported by the partner in one’s personal objectives is one of the factors that most affects marital satisfaction and personal well -being.
In adult caregiving, as Van Vleet and Feney (2011) note, the support received by the partner – especially in the form of encouragement – not only improves mood and trust, but favors personal development, mental health and even physical health. In addition, the support perceived during the initial phase of the report can predict the quality of the same even after years. These results strengthen the idea, already expressed by Bowlby, that emotional relationships are dynamic systems where safety favors the growth of both partners. Bowlby himself (1969) claimed that adult sentimental relationships could be considered an evolutionary continuation of the original attachment bond. Subsequent studies (Rholes & Simpson, 2004) showed how infantile attachment styles tend to reflect in adult love life. The ways in which we choose and live romantic relationships are often guided by unconscious patterns learned in the first affective experiences, which determine expectations, fears and emotional needs.
Can a safe attachment be developed in adulthood?
Contrary to the idea that theattachment Form only in the first years of life, numerous studies show that it can also evolve in adulthood. The dynamic-matter model of attachment (Crititenden, 2008) is a theory that explains how coping strategies and information processing develops. It is based on attachment theory and is used to set therapeutic projects, underlining that theattachment changes in response to significant relational experiences, even after childhood. Effective therapies, stable emotional relationships and safe environments can encourage transition from an insecure to a safe style.
The therapeutic workin particular, can act as a “safe base”, offering a space for reflection in which to explore one’s internal world and rework dysfunctional relational patterns. As Cassidy and Berlin (2022) observe, what makes an intervention effective is precisely the quality of the relationship between therapist and patientwhere trust and authenticity can create the conditions for a real renovation of the attachment models. Experiences such as psychotherapy can play an emotional reorganization role. Bowlby (1988) stated that reports sufficiently good and significant (therapeutic or sentimental) can change the internal operating models even in old age. This is essential, especially for those who have lived traumatic experiences or insecure attachment styles, and want to reconstruct a sense of trust in the self and others.
How to develop a safe attachment?
Attachment is a relational system, and as such it can be transformed by working on ways in which we relate to ourselves and with others. To develop a safer attachment, it is essential to cultivate self -awareness, learn to manage emotions and build relationships based on trust and mutual acceptance. The practice of Mindfulness can help recognize and regulate its emotional states, while the assertive communication It promotes authentic ties.
According to Feney’s research, the perception of being supported in one’s personal objectives is one of the keys to psychological well -being. In addition, also offer support for others strengthens their sense of competence and connection. In this sense, learning to be a “safe base” for someone is also a powerful tool for personal growth. The change is possible, gradual, and often begins precisely from small daily gestures. It is also useful to consider that even insecure attachment styles can encourage the development of dysfunctional sentimental relationships, as in the case of emotional dependence. Studies such as those of Feney and Noller (1990), and more recent research (Ahmadi et al., 2013; Honari & Saremi, 2015), have highlighted a correlation between ambivalent attachment and obsessive love, showing how an unstable regulation of the need for closeness can generate difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships.
Conclusion
Safe attachment represents one of the most precious resources to live healthy relationships and an emotionally balanced life. It is based on the trust of being able to count on another significant other in times of need, and on the freedom to explore and grow as individuals. Although it does not always develop in childhood, it can be cultivated over time thanks to positive relationships, transformative experiences and therapeutic paths.
The most recent searches, such as those of Brunstein and Feeney, show that support for autonomy and personal growth is one of the main ingredients of relational happiness. Promoting safe attachment therefore means not only improve one’s emotional life, but helping to create a more empathic, resilient and healthy social fabric. As Winnicott (1960) claimed, the need for a welcoming and predictable figure accompanies the entire life of the individual. The ability to build and maintain a safe attachment is therefore essential not only for individual well -being, but also for collective health. Promoting relationships in which we feel seen, listened and supported means building a more stable, empathic and resistant society resistant to relational crises.
