Compassion for oneself
When someone close to us finds himself in difficulty or is suffering, we see and recognize his pain, we feel kindness, understanding and arises in us the will to help: Let’s try compassion.
Self-compasion is made of the same type of feelings, but facing ourselves.
Unfortunately, however, when we suffer it is not so easy to recognize our difficulties and develop a sense of closeness to our own pain.
The society in which we live does not contemplate the possibility of dwelling and observing our suffering, rather we must keep hard, be strong, go on despite everything, despite our wounds.
Self -criticism
Then when the pain derives from self -criticism, it is even more complicated to intercept the suffering we feel.
Carlo is at a party and has just made an embarrassing comment to the girl he has liked for some time, he has become red, guilty, feels a stupid one and thinks he has lost any kind of possibility of going out with her. At this moment Carlo tries one suffering that deserves compassion: After all, it happens to all human beings to make mistakes! However, in the society in which we live making an error it becomes an indelible stain, we criticize ourselves hard and we scold ourselves for the error made.
Being critical with yourself is very common so much that it is wondering: where does all this intransigence come from?
Many adults today are children of very demanding and critical parents convinced that criticism can form and represent a valid guide for their offspring.
“If you continue not to engage like this, you will never combine anything in your life“. Years and years of statements of this type transmit the clear message that critics are necessary for their personal growth, as if it were an essential tool for personal improvement.
Thus, many children begin to internalize these messages and develop an uncompromising attitude towards them.
Self -critical perfectionism
The self -critical perfectionism It is a form of perfectionism in which the person arises extremely high standards and then he criticizes himself harshly for not having been able to reach them. So yes it is excessively critical and unable to draw satisfaction from their behavior and strongly worried about the criticisms of others.
Having very high, unrealistic expectations makes us constantly unhappy since it is impossible to be better and better, it is not human. Wanting to always do good and give your best is a positive goal, but when your value your identity are linked to success there is something wrong, you become a tyrants of yourself you hate each other for every minimum error and you never forgive yourself.
Literature has shown that individuals with high levels of self -criticism They have a greater risk of manifesting symptoms including binges, body dissatisfaction, food restrictions and therefore be at greater risk of developing eating disorders, but also anxiety and depression.
Perfectionism, self -criticism and outcome of psychotherapies
Furthermore, high levels of self -critical perfectionism have a negative impact on the therapeutic processes and the results of the Psychotherapy treatments: Some people can be resistant to abandon their self -criticism in favor of an attitude of self compassion (therefore of kindness and care during the difficulties of life or when they compare with personal inadequacies, failures and errors) for fear that in doing so they cannot reach high standards.
A recent study (Kelly et al., 2021) highlighted how patients with anorexia nervosa perceived the self -compassion threatening as the loss of self -criticism was associated with personal failure and inability to satisfy their high standards.
Their self -criticism is rooted in desire for self -improvement and growth. However, the self -criticism encourages the emphasis on its defects and feelings of inferiority, which in turn lead to more serious forms of psychopathology of eating disorders, depression and anxiety.
The role of self compassion
However, we must clarify a concept: Having self compassion does not mean self -ustify us In the moments when we do not commit ourselves, nor do you legitimate to give the worst of us. Indeed, this type of approach promotes the recognition of an error without however loading the weight of the car.
Paying attention to our being imperfect (what makes us human), we have the opportunity to become more aware of our limits and try to improve.
On the contrary, if we are committed to criticizing and flogging ourselves, we will give life to an unwilling mechanism, extremely tiring that will leave no room for anything else, limiting our personal growth.
Numerous research shows that Increase self -compassion levels, self -criticism and self -critical perfectionism decreasesincreases resilience, decreases stress and produces greater cognitive and psychological well -being.
An important Meta-analysis of 2024 highlighted how self-criticism is a risk factor for the development of the most powerful eating disorders of perfectionism, considered a central mechanism in the transdiagnostic perspective of eating disorders (Fairburn et al., 2003).
The importance of self compassion in eating disorders
These conclusions suggest that individuals suffering from eating disorders they would draw more benefits from interventions centered on self -criticism: high levels of self compassion They are connected to lower self -criticism levels.
Self compassion helps to reduce dysfunctional food behavior, promotes a more intuitive diet, minors concerns about the body imageless sense of guilt linked to food, as well as a reduction to the push to thinness.
Consequently, integrating interventions focused on self compassion to standard treatments could be more effective in reducing self -criticism and eating disorders.
Where to start to implement the self compassion?
To develop self-compassion, our self-trek must be changed, or the way we turn to ourselves.
The way a person speaks to himself He has concrete consequences on his way of being in the world. So replacing negative and critical thoughts with more constructive thoughts is essential.
People should reformulate your inner dialogue introducing kind and empathic expressions.
Thanks to the self compassion we can learn to be more lenient with ourselves, without however avoiding taking our responsibilities.
Forgive us for an error made does not mean eraseing the error from the mind but embracing the possibility of making mistakes when human beings and, giving it a more just size and evaluating it for what it is: a mistake.
