Parents and educators can provide, through stories and stories, examples of aggressive behavior by underlining the critical phases and their solution
We publish the letter of a mother worried by the arrival, in the nursery school frequented by her daughter, of a child who in other situations has already expressed “violent” behaviors. Following the response of the pedagogist Elena Ravazzolo.
Dearest editorial staff of Uppa,
I am the mother of a 14 -month -old girl, who has been attending the nest since she was 11.
My little girl has a quiet and serene character, she cries little, she is rarely nervous. Although she is the only daughter, she loves being with other children and the nest has settled quickly. He loves physical contact, he loves being in his arms and getting embraced and, now that he has learned to give kissing, he likes to kiss the other children.
I am writing to ask for advice. In a month at the nursery school they will insert a child, whom we met at the Christmas party. He is a very physical, nervous and aggressive child: at the party, in just over an hour, he pushed a child, slapped a girl and, a more serious event, violently bitten a third child on the face.
Without prejudice that I have the utmost trust in the educators of the nest, I wonder how to protect my little girl and safeguard her trust in the neighbor, while respecting the needs of that child, without isolating or “labeling” it in any way, also because it makes me a great tenderness.
In short, how do you behave in these cases?
Thank you,
G.
Very kind mom,
She, as indeed and all the parents of the world too, would like for our children a most welcoming environment as possible and, by the people with whom they come into contact, maximum respect and understanding. But this is only the ideal world we would like. In reality they happen to us situations that have delaying with children who scream, beat and who, with difficulty, parents manage to contain. However, When children are small, it is worth that we adults give them the benefit of understanding without falling into hasty judgments dictated by the need to defend our puppies.
It is normal that, within a group, children have different characteristics and also very different ways of reacting in the face of situations. And it is absolutely legitimate to ask what can be done, and how, to prepare a child in the world.
Violence as a way of reacting to excitement
In your letter she introduces a specific situation: a party in which a child has outsourced all his excitement through violence. The first thing I would like to underline is that the party, especially if it is the first time you participate, is a context in which there are many stimuli that can put a child in a closing, refusal, observation or excitement situation. In the latter case, if the child cannot contain excitement, very different reactions may occur, some of which are characterized by violence.
When the child you are talking about is introduced to the nursery, the educators will be able to implement all the educational strategies that will allow him to cross the phase of insertion and the first contact with the environment and with children in order to channel violence towards correct behavior.
Appoint and describe emotions
From what he wrote, his little girl seems to be open to others and able to demonstrate her joy: she could choose to Tell her about the stories that include characters with incorrect behaviorin order to show her critical situations, underlining the solution phase. In this way he will provide examples of behavior that, growing up, his little girl will be able to “seize” and use.
It is necessary to appoint and describe the emotions that the characters can experience. Suppose the protagonist takes a slap. Then, while telling the story, it is worth stopping a time to say: «What bad! I didn’t expect it! Help! And now? ». They are thoughts that our children also have, but if we externalize them, they will be able to recognize them and they will also recognize the emotions they take over after: anger, sadness, fear.
What happens later?
It would therefore also be appropriate to show the possible developments of each of these emotions.
If you react to a slap with a slap, then another arrives, and another one, then the teacher intervenes and raises the voice or scolds someone, then says it to mothers who, in turn, speak or scold or despair.
If you react with sadness, you afflict and lose the beauty of the rest of the day.
If you react with fear, you risk getting “Paurite” (it goes without saying that this is another story, to be told later), so you are afraid of everything, even of a flower.
I realize that this response of mine opens numerous other topics, but the common thread that unites them is that A child is never too small to get to know the world. A child needs an adult who talks to him – with the calm and simplicity given by love – of the circumstances of life in a way that later, when he presented himself that type of situation, he will be able to recognize.
Reading tips
Here are some stories to propose to children, who include characters with incorrect behavior:
In the country of wild monstersMaurice Sendak, Adelphi, 2018
Released back in 1963, it was republished this year by Adelphi with a new translation. Max’s Dis-Aventure in the Ridda of wild monsters makes you afraid at the beginning, but then it will be clear that it is only an attitude, a way of setting up to react to imposed rules. The affection is the life jacket.
The big testDavide Calì Serge Bloch, Clicch 2017 editions
Recreation arrives and as well as the fight in the classroom. Figs and kicks are always lurking, but almost always, with the surprise of the adults, the dispute attends itself in a round of hands. An illustrated register for those who have to face the novelty of the elementary school and want to find a simple and linear representation of an inexplicable aggression.
It doesn’t bite, Anna!Kathleen Amant, Clavis 2015
Released simultaneously with You don’t beat, Anna!in this semi -artonate book, for children aged 2 and over, the Belgian serial protagonist finds himself making gestures that she herself does not recognize. Only the help of the teachers and parents illuminates Anna’s behavior, who is thus led to a more peaceful path.
I am the strongestMario Ramos, Babalibri, 2012
Only a dragon will make the “split” wolf understand that certain attitudes will not bring him anywhere, indeed, only, only humble being can help him make friends in the woods. The series continues with the most beautiful and smarter wolf. A very fun way to make it clear that strong manners are useless!
