The child who enters the nursery school detaches himself for the first time from the family to enter society on his own. It is an emotionally intense moment, which must be prepared in time and in which the serenity that the adult will be able to transmit to the child has an important role
For all types of life experiences there is a first time. We are almost never aware of it, prepared, and very often they are not about experiences chosen by us, but of events that the case puts us in front of us or that someone has decided for us. The latter eventuality is the one that occurs most frequently during childhood. As, Adults make the choices that mark the child’s path from the first days and determine the “first times” in many aspects of his life. From which foods to taste, at the time of the day, to the people who will surround him, to the places to attend, to the nest in which to go, the child is directed in how, when and in where to carry out his experiences.
Listen to the attempts to choose the child
In very early childhood, the adult has the full and total responsibility for the well -being of the child, and it is with this purpose that many choices operate in his place. Many, but not all. The relative competence of the child does not authorize the adult to overlap the expression of his inclinations, the manifestation of his desires and talents; He does not authorize him to keep the listening channel and the willingness to understand the attempts of choice that the child tries to communicate.
To be honest, it must be said that the adults themselves are sometimes found in the need to make choices that do not present alternative solutions and cannot make a blame. What matters most, in these cases, is help the child face the new situations, providing him with a wealth of sureness and empathic support who make him ready for the event and make him feel the support of a “safe base”.
The first time in society
The most emblematic, and complex case of a first time is the entry to the nest, the first event of a long series of detachments from the safe place of the family, with which you enter for the first time in a social situation: child among the children, in a condition of equality, where the adult no longer has the parental function, where all the affections are to be built from scratch.
At the nest, the child is accompanied by the hand of an adult he trusted and to whom he is affectively linked: a person who is the guarantee of the goodness of that experiencethe passport for the journey that is starting and that represents an adventure with unimaginable proportions, a reckless exploration beyond the columns of Hercules of the known world. That adult that accompanies and holds him by the hand is aware of taking on all the responsibility of that gesture, which consists in transmitting to the child a very precise message: «Here you can be even without me, this is a safe place that I have chosen for you. You are ready to get away from me, I know you can do it and I will be, however, by your side. Here are other children who will be your companions every day ». Such a message is reassuring and the child will incite it; provided that the adult who accompanies him has prepared the soil on which these words, ideally, will fall.
Face the emotional tumult
The emotions of the child, even of the most peaceful and confident child, will still be in turmoil in the face of such an unknown and potentially threatening event as being brought (and left alone?!) In a space never seen and with completely new people. The emotional tumult of the child can only be applated by two elements, at that delicate moment. On the one hand, The calm and tranquility of the adult Which accompanies him, who does not express a hurry to leave and leave him there, but, on the contrary, he shows himself eager to discover, know and share with him the spaces and inhabitants of that place. On the other, The feel that the adult does not underestimate and does not diminish his fears of childbut comforts it and encourages him by the strength and enthusiasm of a belief gained around the goodness of that experience.
Safety is built elsewhere
Children have no words to define and understand their emotions: it is the task of adults to place themselves next to the child and find “for” him, and above all “with” he, the words and the tone of voice that can contain fears and restlessness.
In the situations in which fears overlook in facing new or disturbing experiences, they cannot improvise, nor invent, method of comfort and support, but test – precisely on these occasions – the trust, authority and empathy that the adult, over time, has managed to build with the child. In the emergency of the emotional turmoil they do not build securities, they can only be buffered (Perhaps, remedying the least worst) the crises due to the feeling of inadequacy of the child, to his probable sense of abandonment, to his not feeling truly understood in the manifestation of his fears and fears.
The most solid and profound construction of those secureness that will allow them not to feel lost, disoriented and frightened, in the face of new situations, is a slow, meticulous, constant constructionconsistent and passionate, day after day, with a closeness that does not hinder but leaves the safety of personal exploration, alongside an adult who is not judgmental and not frightened in turn.
Educate and educate
Indicating to a child his way is an exciting path that the adult must take parallel to the child himself. It is a question of placing continuous attention to one’s own words and, at the same time, to the language of one’s body. We must deal with your adult fears, in order not to be a block for the child. It is necessary to listen to everything the child says, observe him with interest and intelligence, to understand even what his words do not say, but his face, his body and his behavior know how to express.
We must not alarm or frighten whether an episode, such as that of inserting the nursery school, signals us an unexpected discomfort, a fragility not seen before, a refusal that seems to question all our educational commitment of attentive adults. Fear and guilt are not good travel companions, nor good advisors. You can and must correct the shot, taking into account a more careful proximity, greater self -surveillance, cultivating, above all, greater serenity in the educational relationship. Giving that time that we will discover to be precious and unrepeatable.
The serenity of the adult is something that the child breathes full lungs and for him it is the equivalent of a reassuring force which allows you to open, without fear, any door.
